Ask Xenexian! -- Edition the First

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Ask Xenexian!

Edition the First

 

 

Dear Xenexian,

 

My bunkmate insists on playing Rigellian jazz after his shift. He says it helps him unwind. I don't know if you've ever heard Rigellian jazz, but it sounds like feral cats in heat being tortured in a popcorn popper. This wasn't a major problem, actually, because he worked Beta shift and I worked Gamma, so I was rarely there when he got off shift. But since we got stuck out here, all the shifts have been moved around to compensate for the crew we lost and the new people from the Gideon. Now my bunkmate and I get home at the same time.

 

I'd like to unwind after a long shift, but the only thing his so-called music is doing is sending me towards homocidal rage. How can I talk to him about this?

 

Sincerely,

 

Needs Earplugs

 

Dear Needs Earplugs,

 

There is only one way to solve a terrible problem like this. You simply cannot discuss this with him. Discussion will make him cranky, and cranky will make him want to soothe his nerves? With? Let's all say it together, kids: More jazz!

 

You have to return the favor, sweetums. I'd recommend finding the most disgusting old music. Klingon opera, for one thing. Blast it suddenly in the middle of the night. Take to singing along, especially if you lack pitch. Bang on pots and pans for an accompaniment.

 

Pick up a new cultish religion that requires you to prance through the room, splashing ice water on any occupants that happen to be in your bunk. It's religion, after all -- what can anyone do to you?

 

Best of all, replicate an outlandishly large, loud instrument, and also find a reason to practice on it exceedingly often. Again, this is best appreciated about the middle of his/your normal sleep cycle. You'll see he gets the picture quickly.

 

Enjoy your return to quiet!

Xenexian

 

Edited January 4, 2007 by Ask Xenexian!