Please stay off topic!

[Ezri Max 0]

FOOTBALL

Edited October 31, 2008 by Ezri Max

[Shane 0]

I got ST:TNG season 6 in the mail! Celebration! Give a WOOt for Picard!

[Ezri Max 0]

Send random PM's to Ezri Max ;) :wub:

[Kansas_Jones 0]

Forwarding this along. Enjoy (I had an acute attack of the giggles as I was reading):

 

= = = = =

You may need to stop at the women's restroom . . . be prepared!

 

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn , you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

 

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

 

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, ( Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR! ), yank down your pants, and assume ' The Stance.'

 

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

 

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

 

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .

 

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mot her would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You ju st don't KNOWwhat kind of diseases you could get. '

 

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

 

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

 

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

 

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when youNEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

 

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

 

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

 

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

[Samantha_Kent 0]

::dies laughing::

[will_marx 0]

;) :wub: :wub:

 

Sounds like my ex-wife wrote it.

[eagle 0]

Well hats off to our fav kitty...hell, love ya mean it...and apparently you have by your own accounts..(p.s.,...by former wife...coincides)..been through the depths of civy bathrooms.

 

Therefore .. I suggest and do enact by public(member's) outcry ....an award be given to Kitty and all those who have suffered or experienced a similar situation..... ;)

[Dumbass 0]

I bet Tim Russ would like to forget this earlier part of his:

 

That's right, he was the "We ain't found ######!" guy in Spaceballs.

Edited November 1, 2008 by Dumbass

[Images 0]

Can't stop playing mass effect. Need a 12 step program.

[shewhosighs 0]

I hope I can make it to the red star lounge tonight... I haven't been able to play in way too long

[Kansas_Jones 0]

Can't stop playing mass effect. Need a 12 step program.

 

I hear ya Images - isn't it a fun game though? My character looks about 70-80 percent like myself. Putting that coolness aside, the storyline is awesome science fiction, and you truly do get sucked into the entire game.

[Ezri Max 0]

I VOTED ...

[Grom 0]

I VOTED ...

 

Write-in GromVik for Soil and Water Conservation District Supervisor!

 

:)

[Kansas_Jones 0]

The amount of people waiting at the voting sites! Driving by in my car, it was something to see! The buzz is palpable.

[Le Morte 0]

Definitely voted.....

[Aliana Lucindak 0]

Obama won the presidency, so now I am waiting to see who got washington govenor.

~Ali

[Bill Newbold 0]

I am considering working on this book where the topics will include the following ideas.

 

1. The first order of realities are non-experiential unidirectional and have some value there of as an idea of structures within first order realities that become.

2. The second order of realities are lucid in their dynamics but based on Pythagorean musics and two dimensional forms.

3. The third actual order of realities are more then realize by themselves and finds onelessness in all directions.

4. The fourth order of realities are given in unknown temporal alignments between abstract influences of thoughts and non-thoughts commonly known as trinity-sync-paradoxical acts in life.

5. When reaching the fifth order of realities you and you(pl) as well are not ready for them and the next newer levels of realities until the fifth order of realities are measured at direct objective values inside their give experience of idea structures.

 

any way this is just off topic topic sorta this might be the reason I have been more illusive then usual

 

oh and stop counting the stars already, there are too many to begin with .,

[Ezri Max 0]

President Elect Obama ... ahhhhhhhh ... soulds like hot butter on toast.

 

~Ezri

[Images 0]

I'm gonna get a hamster. One day. One day.

[Bill Newbold 0]

ham the other red meat

 

Edited November 7, 2008 by Bill Newbold

[Ezri Max 0]

I feel I am going to lose my friend .... :)

 

I feel I will lose the best reason to be a part of this society :P

[Sam_SemaJ 0]

President Elect Obama ... ahhhhhhhh ... soulds like hot butter on toast.

 

~Ezri

 

 

Ok, so I hate to reply to something in this thread, thus continuing a topic. But was this comment for or against? :)

[Ezri Max 0]

Ok, so I hate to reply to something in this thread, thus continuing a topic. But was this comment for or against? :)

 

Oh I voted for him.

 

If he wants he can poor hot honey and use whip cream with a cherry on my body.

 

He can take all day to lick me :P

[will_marx 0]

Oh I voted for him.

 

If he wants he can poor hot honey and use whip cream with a cherry on my body.

 

He can take all day to lick me :)

 

:) :P Wow...way too much, Ezri...

 

But, since he is married, and therefore unavailable, if you're looking for volunteers :(

Edited November 7, 2008 by will_marx

[Samantha_Kent 0]

::raises eyebrows and backs away slowly::