The Beginning Of The End - Part One

[DJMcKinny 0]

DJ smiled. "The pleasure was mine, Captain. And remember...don't overdo it. Or I'll have to report you to your wife."

Nick smirked faintly "Doctor, she'll find out about it before you will, knowing her."

"Then I'm sure you'll behave. I doubt you want to do battle with her."

"I assure you that within the last nine months, I've learned the value of not being a workaholic. And you're right...I don't want to, as you say, battle with her." With that, Captain Ayers turned to leave. He didn't notice the errant tear as it quietly slipped down DJ's cheek.

 

Paraphrased from "Memories of Past Lives" by Captain Ayers and DJ McKinny.

 

 

DJ remained seated behind her desk, her gaze fixed on the artwork hanging on the wall directly across the room. It was an alien landscape that had come with the office. Although the terrain was unfamiliar to DJ, she found the colors and texture of the painting quite pleasing. So she'd left it where it was when she moved in. She continued staring at it for a few minutes, until she was certain Captain Ayers was safely out of Sickbay and somewhere down the corridor. Only then did she dare glance toward the office door.

 

DJ needed to be alone, at least for a few minutes. Much to her relief, there was no one waiting by the door to see her. "Computer," she whispered. "Close and lock the door." She waited, perplexed, as nothing happened. Apparently, she hadn't been heard. Drawing a deep breath, she repeated the order a bit louder. This time, the office door quietly slid shut. She assumed it was also locked but didn't bother to confirm that.

 

Now, safely ensconced inside her office where she was guaranteed at least a few moments of privacy, DJ allowed the wave of emotions to edge forward and slowly overtake her. It had been months since she'd felt this way. She'd hoped she would never feel this way again.

 

It had been over three years since the murders. Three years since most of the crew of the USS Cairo met their untimely deaths at the hands of a yet undetermined suicide terrorist. Three years since Jack was killed. Yet, at this moment, it seemed like it happened yesterday. She hadn't felt such raw emotions in a very long time. She had even allowed herself to believe that she'd moved beyond this kind of terrible, mind numbing grief.

 

The fact she was now sitting here, paralyzed by such god awful emotions, just added to her misery. She considered it a sign of failure. Until a few minutes ago, DJ had been certain she would never again fall into this pit. It had taken her two years to crawl out of it. She'd sworn she would never look into its depths again.

 

But here she was and worse yet, she'd been taken completely by surprise. DJ couldn't begin to count the times she'd talked to others on Aegis about her tenure on Cairo....about the ship's tragic end and the friends she'd lost. She'd even spoken of Jack several times. It felt good to recall his ever present grin and that mischievous glint in his deep blue eyes. She'd started to, once again, enjoy the memories of the wonderful years they'd had together. Even when she felt that familiar anger and grief creeping up on her, she'd been able to successfully ward it off.

 

This time, she didn't see it coming. One minute, she was talking to Captain Ayers about Fiona, a fellow physician on Cairo. A wonderfully talented and beautiful woman who was madly in love with Nicholas Ayers. In spite of the topic, DJ considered the conversation routine. She didn't feel at all stressed as she shared information about Fiona with the Captain. She still wasn't sure exactly when or where she'd lost control.

 

But she'd definitely lost control. She kept both hands over her mouth for fear someone might hear her sobbing, praying all the while that no one would ring the door chime or try to comm her. And, her prayers were answered. DJ McKinny remained alone with her grief. She cried until there didn't seem to be anymore tears. But she knew there were more where those came from. She knew if she didn't pull herself together, she might have to remain locked in her office for the entire night.

 

And so it was that DJ forced herself to push the darkness back into the recesses of her mind....back to a place where she hoped they would be lost forever. She finally got out of her chair and walked into the small, office lavatory. She made sure she didn't look in the mirror as she furiously wiped away the tears. She really didn't want to see herself right now. She knew the image staring back at her would be even more unsettling.

 

DJ splashed a little water on her face, slowly wiped it away and then left the lavatory still carefully avoiding the mirror. She returned to her desk and stared at the always present stack of PADDs that required her attention. She picked up one of them and glanced at it before sitting down, determined to focus on the work at hand.

 

She had just started to review the data when the comm sounded. "Dr. McKinny," called the disembodied voice. "You have a real time comm from Starfleet Headquarters. I'm putting it through to your office."

 

DJ sat there in stunned silence. A real time comm? She didn't know anyone who could afford that. The part about Starfleet Headquarters had just begun to sink in when Commander Robert Harrison's face appeared on screen before her. She stared at his smiling face in disbelief. Why was her brother calling her....real time no less?

 

"Hey there, girl!" said Robby, grinning from ear to ear. But the grin quickly disappeared once he got a good look at DJ. Before she could say a word, Robby leaned forward, his jovial demeanor replaced by one of deep concern. "

 

"Good night, DJ," he exclaimed. "What on earth happened to you? You look terrible!"