Background Info, pt 4

[MajorZStarDust 0]

 

Subj: Lost

Date: 5/21/01 4:11:30 AM Eastern Daylight Time  From: FLt Z StarDust

 

Lost. That was how he felt. Like the time when he was two and had wandered away from where his mother was working and had gotten lost in the endless folds of earth near the Lakota tribe. He had been found several hours later by Dana's father, under a tree, feeling quite miserable. Ziggy felt that way now.

 

The worst part was that he knew right where he was. All in all, promenades from one station to the next were pretty much the same. And there was no way to really get lost on a promenade anyway, with a computer to locate any place you wanted, or give a menu of choices outside every establishment. Even without a computer Ziggy always was able to find the location he most wanted: the grungiest, most out of the way, scariest tavern on the station. And he had found the one on Starbase 331 twenty minutes after arrival.

 

No, his sense of loss had little to do with location. It was emotional, and tequila, no matter how rotgut, was not going to change the way he felt. Moose was gone. Not that Ziggy had had the best relationship with his Captain. He had first been branded by his relationships with Kelly and Dana Quest, whether for the good or bad, Moose had been standoffish with Ziggy as a new officer.

 

Then Ziggy had had the audacity to date the Captains favorite (and only) niece. While simply dating her had caused tension, it had begun to ease when circumstances had forced Ziggy to end the relationship. While some had understood Ziggy walking away from Sam when they thought she needed him the most, everyone else, including  Moose, had not. Forbidden to see her by the Captain and the CMO, Ziggy had immersed himself in being a friend to David. And when the time was right, he and Sam had reunited, discretely at first, and later openly. Ziggy had never been able to determine whether or not Moose supported their relationship after that, and he had quietly avoided the Captain, glad of his move from helm to security.

 

And then there had been the accident. Fired on by long lost enemies, Ziggy had returned to the Arcadia sans half his face. It had refused to heal, leaving a blow to his masculine pride he hadn't been able to recover from. Pride? Was that really it? Or had he merely been looking for an excuse to end his engagement to Sam, to return to his free wheeling days of loose women, wine (tequila) and song? He knew that's what Dana thought, but Ziggy had seen it as so unfair to Sam to saddle her with his misshapen face when she deserved someone as beautiful as she was.

 

Knowing he would not be welcome on the Arcadia under Moose after dumping Sam (a second time), he made the decision to do something he had thought about after all those late night drinks with Marty Umberti, (the only man Ziggy had ever considered good enough for Dana, and whom she had declined to marry) Ziggy applied to, and was accepted into the Marines as a fighter pilot. How little did he know that it was a decision that would change his life in ways he could have never foreseen.

 

After experiencing difficulties with their shuttle, he and Marty had been captured by pirates. (Yes, folks, there are such things in Trek!) But these were no ordinary pirates, they were led by a woman, a woman on a mission. A woman who looked like Sam. Her cousin, the spawn of Tom Riker, Rochelle was everything Sam was not. It was like someone had taken a mirror image of Sam but made her taller, with salacious curves where Sam's were innocently attractive; ambitious and cruel where Sam was caring and thought only of others; knowing and worldly where Sam was innocent and naive. His time as Rochelle's *boy-toy* had proved to Ziggy that he really loved Sam, that his walking away from her had been the single dumbest move he had ever made.

 

It had also changed his life. The beatings at the hands of Rochelle's minions had permanently injured his eye. After his *rescue*, the Marines had been able to offer him no better than an officers position. But his post on the Arcadia had remained curiously vacant, and now that the ship was returning from Coalition space, there was a need to replace key crew. He had a chance to return, to try and make things right with the two women who meant the most to him. Ziggy had walked back onto the Arcadia to be greeted by a surprised, then distressed Sam, a fainting and intoxicated Dana, and a slightly bemused Moose. It was not the return he had been looking for.

 

His first meeting with Moose had only precipitated further angst when the Captain he had so believed in, the one he knew would listen when all others had turned a deaf ear, had also denied his request. Kelly would remain lost. Knowledge of her Aunt's possible whereabouts, and Moose's refusal to investigate had only fueled Dana's animosity towards the Captain. And she had refused to hear anything he had to say about Marty, once she knew he had not returned with Ziggy. He still had not been able to apologize for being unable to save Marty, a crime he would spend the rest of his life trying to rectify.

 

And Sam. After explaining to her about Rochelle things had finally turned. A wall of tension had melted away along with whatever illness Sam had brought on board. He knew he had no chance of taking his former place as her lover, but he was willing to settle for the friendship that was reforming between them. Like his mostly mended face, they were friends with scars on their relationship. Maybe someday things would change, but for now he was willing to settle for what he could get.

 

Yet here he was, on the first shoreleave since returning to the Arcadia, and he was drinking alone, in the seamiest place he could find, as if he were still an Academy student looking for a wild night on the town. There had been no one to ask to join him on the station: Dana was taking a shift on bridge security (to avoid the possible drunken conversation wherein the truth of Marty might come out, in his estimation), Sam was busy shopping, and he wasn't ready to do that with her, it would be too reminiscent of more intimate times, Marty.. was dead, David to young, Moose too lofty, and now gone, like Khiaara, and Mahrle... Jer had been with Dana the night of Ziggy's return, and Ziggy wasn't ready to have a drink with Bob, Bob quite yet.

 

So he was sitting in the seamy bar, feeling lost. Wondering if his return to the Arc had been the smartest thing. Did he really still fit in on the ship? So many were gone now, friends and otherwise. Not that he felt sorry for himself, merely he wondered if he should have simply chosen another assignment. Maybe things would be different with this new captain, whomever it might be.

 

As if on cue, his comm badge (carefully shoved into the deepest recesses of his jeans pockets) piped up. Dana was insisting on his return, no arguments accepted. With a look of apology to the worst imitation tequila in the galaxy, he lumbered from the table, slouched under the mock low ceiling, and made his way to the nearest transporter room.

 

Maybe things would be different...

 

Subj: Memories in Dreamland  

Date: 11/13/01 10:38:48 PM Eastern Standard Time  

From: LtCdrZStarDust  

 

 

 

Memories in Dreamland

LtCdr Ziggy StarDust

USS Arcadia

 

Ziggy felt the burning, searing pain in his chest, and then blackness overtook him.

 

Dreams and memories blurred together in his mind. It was like watching a holodeck sim of his life played out before him, with all his thoughts, dreams and inner demons out for all to see. He kept turning, seeing different segments of his life, jumbled together. It was enough to send him running, but everywhere he turned, another memory, another event slammed him around to view another. Ziggy's damaged psyche revolted and he retreated away, turning into himself, with nowhere to go.

 

"Ziggy? Are you real?"

 

He turned at the voice, and saw someone approaching. Kelly stepped out of memory.

 

"He's real, alright. But he's mine now!" Another woman stepped from the past, Samantha's look-alike cousin, Rochelle.

 

The two women squared off, as if to fight over him, and he had no say in the matter. But their swords were memories. The first one rolled over him, and he was caught up in it.

 

Ziggy watched as he stepped into the shuttle with Marty, in preperation to leave the Arcadia. The two men, good friends, had looked forward to the time together, male bonding before their lives became reversed: Marty had left the Marines to join Starfleet, Ziggy was leaving Starfleet to join the Marines. Each had had their own reasons.

 

As they flew slowly through deep space, they had spilled their guts to one another. Marty confessed he had proposed to Dana, but that she had refused him. Ziggy tried to help Marty understand why, though he hardly understood it himself. They were made for each other, and for the first time Ziggy had been pleased with the man Dana had chosen to share her life with.

 

Ziggy finally explained why he had left, and broken off his engagement with Sammy. Their turbulent relationship had finally seemed on track when he had surprised everyone by ending it. He knew Dana felt guilty, though she had no reason too. If she had not rescued him from the ship after the console had exploded, even if it meant leaving half his face behind, melted into a console, he would not be alive. It hadn't been her fault that he had developed an allergy to traditional burn treatments that had led to permanent scarring on his face.

 

But that had led to his decision to leave the Arcadia. It had all began with the first trip he had made through the halls on routine patrol. People stared, and than a group of happy children had coming running around a corridor and run straight into him. They looked up, and Ziggy smiled at them, forgetting his disfigurement, until the children ran from him, fear in their faces. It was the first step towards his leaving. The mask he had made for himself had not been enough to stop the looks, people whispering as he walked through the halls of the Arcadia. It might have been a big ship, but it was only a small community, and he had become the resident freak.

 

And Samantha? She had deserved better than being married to someone who could only bring her pain. No matter where they went, the question would always remain, Why was such a beautiful woman with such a hideous looking man? She deserved happiness, not exclusion because of his deformity. Marty didn't agree with him, but he had understood. And he was the only one the Arcadia who had supported his decision to transfer to the Marines to become a fighter pilot.

 

The trip, begun happily, yet with troubling questions, had become a nightmare.

 

Ziggy groaned as the treatments Virax had tried only made the burns worse.

 

A deep seductive chuckle rang in his ears. Their shuttle had been attacked, Ziggy and Marty kidnapped for their knowledge. He had watched as Marty was killed before him, refusing to divulge the information the pirates had wanted. Rochelle had stopped her men from killing Ziggy. Overwhelmed with guilt at Marty's death, wishing for his own death, he had been easy prey.

 

Rochelle  made Ziggy her plaything. With her telepathic and psychic abilities she had forced his personality far beneath the surface. His base emotions had come to the fore, and he willingly let it happen. Who knew the forces it would unleash.