Tarantella

[MC_Escher 0]

Tarantella

 

Two Days Prior To Current Sim Time

 

Escher took a deep breath and stepped up to the holodeck door.

"Computer," he said in his most commanding voice, "please start simulation, in natural environment, training subclass, for the Cremorian barking spider. Safety protocol: on. Definitely on."

 

The computer beeped, and the omnipotent computer voice responded: "Simulation activated."

 

Escher took another deep breath and opened the door, thinking to himself. "Now, this training simulation is so that I will be able to handle the real thing. Here we go." Escher stepped into the room.

 

Green foliage arced overhead, and the humidity hit him like a sledgehammer. A rainforest, alive with bug sounds and bird calls, greeted him. He was now dressed in full body, acid proof, decibal checking, stylishly pink armor, and holding a long pole with vacuum on the end. Sitting in front of him, in a nest made out of (Escher gulped at this point) bones, were four spider looking creatures. They had ten legs however, and were about four feet in diameter. Also, they were bright green, very hairy, and had 12 inch long pincers coming out of their heads.

 

As soon as Escher entered the holodeck, the spiders swiveled around to face him, making low hissing noises. Escher found it hard to believe that these creatures were some of the most medically and scientifically valuable creatures in the galaxy. When threatened, they secreted a chemical rife with totipotent stem cells, cells that when treated correctly could turn into almost any organ in any body, of any species. The trick to getting this serum, according to Cremorian Barking Spiders for Dummies, was to annoy it just enough to get its secretion, but not enough to cause it to start spitting poison, bitting your head off, or using its paralyzing bark.

 

Escher picked up a rock from the ground, carefully aimed for the tip of the leg of the closest one, and heaved. The rock smacked directly into the spider's twelve eyes. Unleashing a terrifying scream, the spider ran backward, underneath its bone nest. The other three spiders, which were slightly smaller (they were the children), started making strange poses. One reared up on its two back legs, one flattened itself to the ground, and the third rolled onto its back. Escher saw, through his steadily increasing fear, that all three were dripping clear fluid. He started taking cautious steps toward them.

 

“Nice spiders,” he muttered under his breath. The baby spiders seemed to be ignoring him, instead concentrating on something over his head. He kept edging his way towards them, and then realized that there was probably only one thing more interesting to the baby spiders than him. Escher spun around and looked up in time to see a very hairy body drop towards him. Razor-sharp mandibles closed around his helmet. Escher yelled and shook his head, which dislodged the spider and left Escher extremely dizzy. He staggered backwards, slammed into a tree, and fell to the ground.

 

Escher winced as he stood up. The training program was designed to so that a trainee felt all non-permanent injuries, in order to instill the belief that this was not a game. Brandishing the vacuum tube, Echer turned around only to have his face covered in green slime. The acid, while not actually burning through anything, was extremely sticky, and almost totally obscured his vision. The barking spider charged him, issuing a loud bark that would have paralyzed Escher if not for the holodeck and suit. Escher yelled and ran towards the beast. They met head on, grappling with each other’s limb, the spider trying to go for the neck of its foe, and the Starfleet officer trying to suck some of the liquid of the spider’s back.

 

They battled over to the door of the holodeck, its smooth gray metal looking strangely out of place amongst the deep green and brown trees. Forcing the spider back just a little bit, Escher turned to the terminal and gasped, “Computer, deactivate barking spider simulation!”

 

A beep later, and Escher was panting in the mercifuly empty section of rainforest where he had had his battle. He prised the icky green acidic goo off his mask and looked down at the meter on his vacuum: 0%. He sighed, then glanced back down at his suit. There were traces of clear liquid entirely covering his suit. The spider had secreted on him in the tussle!

 

Humming to himself, knowing that if this had been real, he hadn’t absolutely totally failed, he limped out of the holodeck.