Release

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I got a message today.

 

It said he’s going free.

 

Ton Lyna, a suspected eliminator for the Orion syndicate, a man who killed with no mercy, betrayed Bajoran freedom fighters during the occupation and took orders from the Vorta…is getting released from Federation custody. He’ll be “under watch” but that will last all of ten minutes I’m sure.

 

I don’t know whether to cry, to scream, to shout, to punch a wall, to drink myself into an inebriated stupor or to resign my commission and hunt the bastard down. Not one of the people on Excalibur or on Camelot really understands my situation. None of them really know that the reason I left a high rolling career back on the Shanghai was because I couldn’t stand the air of death hovering over me at every moment. They don’t know how much Kathleen meant to me and how I came out here to the Gamma Quadrant in order to escape it. But I can’t escape it can I? It’s always there at the back of my mind. Sometimes I’m almost certain that I will never find the rest I seek until I know Ton Lyna is worm food. Whenever I begin to think like that, I feel a shiver down my spine, remembering how similar obsessions were the downfall of at least one previous host of mine. I don’t want to go down that dark path.

 

Ton’s reason for early release was simple, he gave Starfleet intelligence what it wanted, bigger fish. He’s shoveled them his dirt on other ranking Orion syndicate members, on operatives of the dominion and various other pieces of information that could supposedly be useful. So in return they’re moving him to an undisclosed planet to be put under surveillance where he’ll have freedom of movement but be prohibited from leaving.

 

Now I’ve been a part of politics before and I know that the sins of one man can often be forgotten to punish the sins of many but in this case there is no sense, there is no sanity, there is no justice. Ton Lyna is a monster, he has profited from countless slaughter and now laughs in the face of those who would see him suffer for it. My faith in the system has crumbled to dust.

 

I’m tired but I can’t sleep. All I see when I close my eyes are plans. Plans to get to Ton and slit his throat, plans to get to his transport and to plant a device, plan after plan after plan, each with the same ending, that piece of Bajoran scum dead and Kathleen avenged. I even wrote one down on a PADD when I first got the news and headed down to the Holy Grail, when I got back here to my quarters I was so disgusted with myself I deleted every word but I remember it perfectly.

 

I’m ashamed of myself, I’ve lived eight lives and dealt with loss many times but it doesn’t feel less painful. Why won’t it? Why can’t I move on? Maybe those few voices are right, maybe the Segami symbiont is “tainted”, and maybe like some drug it drives each of us mad…

 

Forget it.

 

In other news, Commander Graham’s no longer part of the crew, apparently he was needed elsewhere and had to head away without even saying goodbye. A pity, the man had guts and was a good chief to work under if only for a short time. That leaves Helios in charge, I can’t wonder how he feels, suddenly having leadership thrust upon him. Its not like being on a temporary assignment where the need for officers puts us in a higher position than usual, it’s the whole shebang. I’m sure he’ll handle it well though, he can be pretty capable sometimes.

 

I think I’ll practice the violin for a while and ease off some of this damn anger.