The Military/Civilian 12 Step

[will_marx 0]

12 Step Program for the Military

 

 

1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to

recovery...

 

2. Speech:

 

Time should never begin with a zero or end in a hundred, it is not 0530or 1400 it is 5:30 in the morning (AKA God-awful early).

Words like deck, rack, and "PT" will get you weird looks; floor, bed, workout, get used to it.

"@*%$" cannot be used to -replace whatever word you can't think of right now, try "um".

Grunting is not talking.

It's a phone, not a radio, conversations on a phone do not end in "out"

People will not know what you are talking about if you tell them you are coming from Camp Lejeune with the MWSS platoon or that you spent a deployment in the OCAC

 

3. Style:

 

Do not put creases in your jeans.

Do not put creases on the front of your dress shirts.

A horseshoe cut looks dumb, not motivating.

A high and tight looks really dumb as well.

So does a low reg, but not as bad.

A hat indoors does not make you a bad person, it makes you like the rest of the world.

you do not have to wear a belt ALL the time.

 

4. Women:

 

Air Force girls are easy, very easy, not all women are this easy and will probably punch you in the nuts if you treat them like Air Force girls.

Being divorced twice by the time you are 23 is not normal, neither are 6 month marriages, even if it is your first.

Marrying a girl so that you can move out of the barracks does not make "financial sense", it makes you a retard.

 

5. Personal accomplishments:

 

In the real world, being able to do pushups will not make you good at your job.

Most people will be slightly disturbed by you if you tell them about people you have killed or seen die.

How much pain you can take is not a personal accomplishment.

The time you got really drunk and passed the sobriety test anyway is also not a personal accomplishment.

 

6. Drinking:

 

In the real world, being drunk before 5pm will get you an intervention, not a "good for you"

That time you drank a 5th of Jaeger and pissed in your closet is not a conversation starter.

That time you went to the combat life saver school and practiced giving vodka iv's will also not be a good conversation starter

 

6. Bodily functions:

 

Farting on your co-workers and then giggling while you run away may be viewed as "unprofessional".

The size of the dump you took yesterday will not be funny no matter how big it was, how much it burned, or how much it smelled.

You can't make fun of someone for being sick, no matter how funny it is

VD will also not be funny

 

7. The human body:

 

Most people will not want to hear about your balls. Odd as that may seem, it's true.

 

8. Spending habits:

 

One day, you will have to pay bills

Buying a $30, 000 car on a $16, 000 a year salary is a really bad idea.

Spending money on video games instead of on diapers makes you a fool.

One day you will need health insurance

 

9. Interacting with civilians (AKA YOU):

 

Making fun of your neighbor to his face for being fat will not be normal.

 

10. Real jobs:

 

They really can fire you.

On the flip side you really can quit.

Screaming at the people that work for you will not be normal, remember they really can quit too.

Taking naps at work will not be acceptable.

Remember 9-5 not 0530 to 1800

 

11. The Law:

 

Non-judicial punishment does not exist and will not save you from prison.

Your workplace unlike your command can't save you and probably won't, in fact most likely you will fired about 5 minutes after they find out you've been arrested

Even McDonalds does background checks, and "conviction" isn't going to help you get the job

Fighting is not a normal thing and will get you really arrested, not yelled at Monday morning before they ask you if you won.

 

12. General knowledge:

 

You can in fact really say what you think about the President in public.

Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it's just pain.

They won't wear anything shiny that tells you they are more important then you are, be polite.

Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

[Dumbass 0]

Read the contracts before you sign them, remember what happened the first time.

Ain't that the truth.

[OHNO 0]

12 Step Program for the Military

 

 

1. I am in the military , I have a problem. This is the first step to

recovery...

First, How long have you been in? Next, how would you know about any other branch if you were never in that one? Then, didn't they ever tell you that its not for every one? Sorry if I sound upset, I just retired from the Navy not to long ago and I had a great time and so did my wife and kids. It's what you put in it, not what you get out of it, even tho I did get a great deal out of it. I have been around the world at lest three times. I have seen and done thing most people will never see or do. My wife and kids have been places that they would have never been to if I were not in the Navy and they loved it. I must say that when I first got into the Navy, I sounded just like you. All have to say is, just give it time. :lol:

[Images 0]

I just retired from the Navy not to long ago and I had a great time

Yep and its one hell of a good Village People song! In the navy... :lol:

Edited April 9, 2006 by Images

[will_marx 0]

First, How long have you been in? Next, how would you know about any other branch if you were never in that one? Then, didn't they ever tell you that its not for every one? Sorry if I sound upset, I just retired from the Navy not to long ago and I had a great time and so did my wife and kids. It's what you put in it, not what you get out of it, even tho I did get a great deal out of it. I have been around the world at lest three times. I have seen and done thing most people will never see or do. My wife and kids have been places that they would have never been to if I were not in the Navy and they loved it. I must say that when I first got into the Navy, I sounded just like you. All have to say is, just give it time.

 

First off, I've got ten years of both active duty and reserve time, with the Air Force and Army Guard, and currently transferring to the Air Nat'l Guard. My first base, was Keflavik Naval Air Station, when I was an active duty Air Force Security Policeman, followed by 400 days in Grand Forks AFB, guarding Minuteman III ICBMs; I've recently completed an 18 month federal mobilization with the 42d Infantry Division in Iraq, smack dab in the Sunni Triangle, and was retained, without contract, for 12 months, because of Stop-Loss. So yes, I know about the Army, I know about the Air Force, I know about the Navy and Marine Corps, and I know all about seeing IEDs detonated and people getting maimed, injured, and killed in Dubya's War. I personally know several people in my battalion who were injured, and one who was killed.

 

Secondly, it was posted as humourous content, because even when I was active duty, we found stupid @#&% like this funny, otherwise we'd go crackers. If you found it offensive, since this is a public board, I'd say just deal with it, and any comments should be addressed outside of this public forum.

Edited April 9, 2006 by will_marx

[OHNO 0]

Oh, don't get me wrong. I did find it funny. I get told all the time by my wife that its a bed not a rack or its a wall not a bulk head. Im sorry if you took it wrong. I was out of line. I did 9 years in the Army Guard before I got into the Navy. Sorry about that. :lol:

[eagle 0]

uh...hmmm......Pinky,and Oh no......please click on the link at the bottom

of my signature......and please remember we have,or are doing all we can

and forgoing a regular simbilance of a normal life.....to insure the rights of others not blessed with,or agree,with the basic principles of freedom..,I will forgoe the bravado,

and the hammering of shields......you as well as I know what it means... ;) :lol:

Edited April 13, 2006 by eagle