Absolution

[Maj Vaos 0]

Korix straightened his uniform as he stood outside Jamie's quarters. This would be interesting. He reached and pressed the chime.

 

Jamie jumped off his couch, looking for a intruder. He was wearing simple pajama pants, and nothing more, having decided to take a much needed nap after his 'fight' with Colonel Harper. "Enter..."

 

Korix stepped in slowly, looking very much like the perfect soldier from the recruitment posters. His hair perfectly cut, his uniform creased perfectly, and his boots shimmering even in the low light.

 

The moment Jamie identfied the man disturbing his sleep, his eyes shot to the green stained knife resting on a plaque on a wall. He slowly turned his head to the major, hiding his suprise behind a stoic face. "And just what in the name of all things unholy do you want?"

 

"I know what you're feeling. I've been there," Korix said, almost friendly in his approach.

He paused a moment, stopping just inside the door. "I've been the one getting shot at because someone made a horrible command decision."

 

"I almost wish I could care, Major." His tone was about as acidic as he could make it while still coming to.

 

Korix's thoughts turned to that blasted jungle during the Romulan Civil War. But quickly returned, though there was a certain weakness to his eyes. "You got stunned. But none of your people got killed when the mission went FUBAR..."

 

"I wasn't so lucky."

 

Jame let out a small sigh, as he got himself a glass of water. "Don't try to justify yourself. A half-witted engineer can tell you're here for reasons obviously classified. Your orders are hardly my concern."

 

"Not my intention at all," the major said quite truthfully. "I made a mistake. Won't be my first, won't be my last."

 

"I was more concerned about you," he continued.

 

Jamie couldn't help but furrow his brow as he noted some of his own qualities in the man, as much as he hated the thought. "Concerned about what?" He took a drink from his glass.

 

"I know how you feel right now. You just want to deck me, don't you? Lash out at the person who made the mistake, and put your team in danger, right?"

 

Jamie gave him a small nod, deciding against letting him know just how far past 'decking' him he was willing to go. "Your point being?"

 

"You can take that path. Stay angry. Be consumed by hate, self-pity, and failure. You can become one cold SOB..."

 

Korix paused, the description fit himself, he shook the thought off. "Or you can take the higher road. Forgive the person who made the mistake. And realize that everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes they cost people thier lives, sometimes they don't. "

 

"But in both cases, the person who makes the mistake," Korix said. "They're the one who has to live it with for the rest of their lives. Not you. Not the victim."

 

Jamie gave him a small, almost sarcastic smile. "Korix, you are one of many, many issues on my mind. But if it calms your conscience, I understand the need to follow orders."

 

"This isn't about me," Korix said once more. "This is about you and that massive chip on your shoulder the size of a Romulan ego. You're angry. And I don't know if you even know why anymore. Do you? Or are you just angry for the hell of it?"

 

At the moment, Korix saw a lot of himself in Jamie, and that troubled him more than he was willing to admit. Jamie’s eyes flashed at the mention of the word Romulan, but he refused to let the major see it. "I have plenty of reasons for why I am the way I am, Major."

 

"I am sure you do," Korix said. "And I have my reasons for being the way I am. I bet even that crazed Romulan has a reason for being the way he is. The question is, do you want to live with that chip on your shoulder for the rest of your life. Do you want to walk down that way, or do you want to change it. Choice is yours."

 

'Crazed Romulan' prompted many faces in Jamie's mind, although he was rather positive on who Korix referred to. "I am a man who doesn't let go of such things, Major. My vendettas won't die until I kill them, on my terms."

 

"Who's the bigger man," Korix said with a stern look on his face. "The man who kills out of revenge or the man who forgives?"

 

Jamie couldn't believe what he was hearing; first from Harper, now from him? It was seriously making him doubt the Marines' capabilities. "Why should I forgive him? Why should I let the knowledge that he wronged me die into the night?"

 

"How many men have you killed, Jamie? How many lives have you ended?"

 

He stared at Korix for a moment, having a sound guess where this was headed. But then again, maybe he needed to hear this. "Four."

 

"I remember during the Civil War... there was a half-Bajoran/Cardassian in my unit... we got separated from our unit... we were under heavy fire. Just the two of us... We were under heavy fire, and he got shot. Right in the stomach by a disruptor. He was bleeding... I had a medkit... but... I just couldn't look beyond the Cardassian half of him. I just sat there... and let him die. He hadn't done anything to me. He wasn't even alive during the Occupation. I'll never forget his face as the last bit of life floated away. I killed him. I sat there and watched him die, ” Korix said, a dark note in his voice, a distant look in his eyes as the face of the young marine dying flashed in his mind. “I don’t even remember was his name was… but I’ll never forget the look in his eyes. The look he gave me.”

 

For a few long moments, silence filled the air. Korix finally spoke, “And what about you. The men you've killed... self-defense, right?"

 

He looked over to the knife. "The first one, yes. The ones after that, on Arkanis, I'm not positive. I told myself it was necessary, but now..."

 

"Now you find yourself wrapped in guilt, hatred, and anger. You've become the very thing you hate most."

 

"Worse... I enjoyed it." He paused for a moment, realizing he was being truthful.

 

"Confession is good for the soul," Korix said thoughtfully.

 

Jamie gave him a weak smile, for a moment pondering why it was always the Marines... "So then, I guess you'd be my sin eater?"

 

"I lost my faith a long time ago." Korix's voice weakened momentarily, though his face remained stoic. His mother's earing swayed gently in his ear. "And I've learned that in the end, the only person who can forgive you... and the only person it matters to... is you."

 

He pondered for a moment, watching Korix's face. "You're here trying to save me, but have you even saved yourself, Major?"

 

"I am not trying to save you," Korix said. "I am trying to get you to save yourself. My own absolution... well... that's between me... and me."

 

Jamie gave him a slow understanding nod. "I'm not going to lie to you, and tell you you've changed my life. But, it is a fresh perspective, at the very least."

 

Korix tilted his head. "Absolution is a long process; you've taken the first step."

 

He gave the major another nod, as the effects of their conversation still settled in. "I never thought I'd say it, Major, but thanks."