Ferengi Four Laws of Robotics

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Subject: Ferengi Four Laws of Robotics

Date: Sun, Mar 15, 1998 7:44 PM

From: LtJg Joy

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Subject : Personal Log

From :  LtJg Joy Five

Classification :  Personal

 

 

I positioned the shuttle behind an obstructing cluster of rocks.  It was likely too late.  We had been communicating.  The Republic had been more concerned with rescue and safety than with keeping hidden.  The Ferengi might still be staying quiet.  They might not be scanning actively.  They would be listening passively, however.  My task had been to maneuver safely, not with stealth.  I had used the shuttle's

drives therefore crisply, and attempted to keep clear margins from the asteroids.

 

Priority One.  Obey your owner.  The Federation program is similar, but oh so different.  Priority Four, obey legal orders from valid Starfleet chain of command.  The Ferengi law was oh so much simpler.  One did not have to know the laws.  One did not have to be careful about chain of command.  And when one succeeded, the emotion chip was triggered with pleasure and pride at Priority One, not just Four.  If

you obey Starfleet successfully, they promote you, and give you fewer orders, harder to obey.

 

Is slavery such a shameful thing?  Is it so much nobler to be an officer than a slave?

 

Priority Two.  Maximize your owner's profits, minimize his loss.  There is no Federation equivalent.  I do not seem to care anymore about things.  Oh, I have false priorities.  If one can gather latinum, and have no reason not to, why not?

 

But latinum is useless.  It seems valuable only because it is useless.  It can't be used in devices to be transported or replicated?  Latinum used to bring so much pleasure - pleasure at Priority Two - and now it is useless?

 

Priority Three.  Honor the Rules of Acquisition.  This was a good law.  It was always possible to obey one of the Rules or another.  If one could not make war, one could always make peace.  So many of the Federation laws say do not do a thing, and never do that.  I cannot disturb this civilization.  I cannot break this law.  I can not cause that injury.  So many ways to feel miserable, and only one to find

pleasure, to obey legal orders from valid Starfleet chain of command.

 

And yet, under the Ferengi laws, I could only serve one owner.  Starfleet serves many.  I now serve many.  Is this the distinction?  Is this why being an officer is better than being a slave?  Even if it is harder?  Even if it brings so little pleasure?

 

Priority Four.  Personify the art of oo-mox.

 

I shall not touch their ear lobes.