Toasts and Promises Made

[Cmdr Ridire 0]

Aidan closes his eyes as he listens to the music. And that's when the door chime rings. Aidan blinks his eyes open and hesitates for a few seconds and then with a quiet sigh he says "Enter."

 

To be honest he isn't sure he wants company right now but he has a suspicion he knows who it is. He had spent the better part of his lifetime learning how to control his emotions and not allowing them to slip free. Being in Starfleet made that a requirement, especially for Command officers but also life had scarred him enough that it had made him wrap a cloak around himself to always keep him detached and aloof from those around him. To be honest part of it was also because he was afraid, to some degree, to let his emotions have free reign, especially his darker emotions. If someone asked him what he would do to the persons responsible for the Cairo he couldn't honestly say. He hoped he would have the presence of mind to not become like them..and yet he could not deny the temptation was there buried down in the darkest recesses of his soul. He had seen rage like that burning in the eyes of one his closest friends when confronted with the Borg and all their malevolence at the Battle of Wolf and it had sent a chill down Aidan's spine at the time and it still does whenever he recalls the memory. His friend's rage at the time had been all but palpable and Aidan had always wondered since then, especially since Fiona's death, if he was capable of such depths. And he prayed to God that he would never find out that he was.

 

There were those who had managed to pierce that veil, so to speak, or who he had allowed to were few and far between. So he would let one of those people now at least say her mind. It's not like she wasn't stubborn enough to force the issue if he had refused. And truth to tell maybe he needed the company even if he didn't necessarily want it.

 

As the doors open he says "Computer, lights low. And lower the music volume."

 

Debbie shook her head and smiled sadly. Commander Ridire responded to the door chime almost immediately which meant he had a pretty good idea who was waiting in the corridor. It also meant he wasn't surprised by her unannounced visit. She decided that was a good thing. Maybe he wanted company....maybe he wanted to talk....maybe he was tired of keeping the grief and anger bottled up inside. Then again, maybe not. She would find out soon enough.

 

Matthews stepped in quietly and glanced about in the dim light. Aidan's quarters were meticulously clean with everything in its place. She would have expected nothing less from a man like Ridire. However, Debbie found it a bit out of character for him to be sitting in near darkness, listening to the muted strains of a somber tune whose words she couldn't quite hear. It was obvious his spirit felt the heavy weight of this anniversary.

 

Aidan was stretched out on the couch, a small glass loosely clutched in his left hand. She couldn't see if there was anything in it. The bottle was on a nearby table, quickly available should a refill be required. She found herself wondering what Ridire's preferences were when it came to "adult beverages." She had never seen him drink anything but hot chocolate or tea. But he was Irish. Debbie was absolutely certain he could handle a lot stronger brews than cocoa or tea. That was especially true on occasions such as this.

 

Neither of them spoke as the CMO made her way across the room and sat down in one of the chairs in the living area. She leaned over, picked up the bottle from the table and read the label.

 

"Do you have another glass?" she asked softy.

 

Aidan watches Debra silently for a few seconds before he sits up and pushes himself to his feet. He sets his glass gently on the table before striding towards the kitchen area and retrieving another glass. He returns and sets the second glass on the table in front of her. Since she's holding the bottle he decides to let her pour her own drink so he moves to sit down on one end of the couch. He turns and faces her, letting his legs stretch along the cushions of the couch. His voice, bereft of its usual lilt, has a more noticeable Irish brogue as he says "Be careful. That Irish whiskey is old and its got a kick."

 

He would ask her why she was here but he already knows so he watches her pour her drink while waiting for her to broach the subject first.

 

Debbie examined the bottle again. Sure enough, it was Irish Whiskey. Some would consider it a delicacy. Others thought of it as "gut rot." Obviously, Aidan was among those in the first category and from his somewhat pronounced brogue, he'd already had at least a sip or two.

 

Matthews wasn't much of a drinker but this was a special occasion. The least she could do was toast absent friends. So she poured herself enough to barely cover the bottom of the glass and returned the bottle to its place on the table. She carefully swished the liquid around in the glass and couldn't help but notice the strong aroma it generated.

 

"To absent friends," she offered as she raised her glass. Debbie didn't wait for Ridire to return the toast. She took a quick sip of the whiskey and promptly choked. Her eyes watered, her nose ran and her throat burned all the way into her stomach. Debbie managed to sit the glass down on the table and catch her breath.

 

"Good grief, Aidan," she sputtered. "I knew this would be a bad day for you, but if you drink too much of that stuff, I'll have to put you on suicide watch. It wouldn't take but a cup or two to kill you."

 

Aidan used his drinking the rest of what was in his glass to cover the smile at the Doctor's reaction to the drink. He says "I warned you, Doct..Debbie, that it had a kick. That bottle was a gift from my grandfather for my last birthday. It's well over a hundred years old." He reaches for the bottle and then hesitates for a few seconds. He had no intention of getting drunk before Debbie showed up and now that she was here he most definitily did not intend to. If he was going to lose control like that it would be in complete and total privacy and not in front of anyone, especially not a colleague and a friend. He shakes his head slightly and pours himself another drink, one that nearly fills the glass. Unlike Debbie's careful sipping, Aidan downs the drink quickly after saying "To absent friends." The only visible reaction to the drink that he has is his escaped breath.

 

He puts the bottle and the glass down on the table and then settles back against the couch. "You needn't worry that I will do something foolish like crawl into that bottle. Despite my heritage and the fact that my family history does include its trancers, I have never been much of a drinker. That right there was my second one and my self-imposed limit is three. He shakes his head and says "Besides, it would disappoint my grandfather." Aidan's voice alters in a fair imitation of his grandfather "This whiskey, laddie, she is to be savoured."

 

He sighs and then says "And yet, if there was ever a day where the temptation to crawl inside that bottle exists, it would be this day." He draws his legs up to his chest as he turns his attention to the stars outside the nearby window.

 

Debbie leaned back in the chair and studied the man on the couch across from her. "I would be very surprised if you crawled into any bottle," she said, nodding toward the whiskey on the table. "Especially that one....and I mean no disrespect to your grandfather but that stuff is....well....you could probably preserve specimens in it."

 

She looked at her own glass, now sitting on the table. Considering the age and value of the whiskey, Debbie was grateful she'd poured herself a very small quantity. But no matter the occasion, nothing could entice her to drink the rest of it.

 

Returning her attention to Ridire, she decided it was time to say the dreaded word. "I wasn't the least concerned about you crawling into a bottle," she continued. "I was afraid you would crawl inside yourself and we might not see you again for a long time. I know how intensely you feel about Fiona and the Cairo. And I also know you're a control freak so, right now, I think you're walking a tight rope." She paused a moment and smiled sadly. "I'm pleased to see you're haven't fallen off of it yet."

 

He shakes his head "It's not that I'm a control freak, its just that I keep a rein on my emotions and am an inherently reserved. I'm not used to letting people get close. And I guess to some degree I'm scared of letting my temper gain control." He sighs sadly "It was bad enough I wanted to deck Nick at Fiona's funeral back home. And honestly the only thing that has kept me on the tight rope, to use your phrase, was this place. This ship, protecting her and all of you has allowed me to keep my focus at least. I think I would have gone mad otherwise. And yet..I still want justice..or perhaps its revenge. Or maybe this is one of those rare cases where they are one and the same."

 

Debbie wasn't in the mood to argue so she decided to let the "it's not that I'm a control freak" remark pass without comment. And she considered it healthy that Ridire feared his own temper. Anger could be a useful tool but only up to a point. Beyond that, it could easily do far more damage than good. At least Aidan was aware of that. Debbie had crossed paths with many who weren't. They usually fell victim to their own runaway emotions. Most were bright and talented individuals but their lack of self control turned them into miserable creatures. It pleased Debbie to know Ridire did not fall into that category. He was the classic example of self control....sometimes a little too much so. But this wasn't the time or the place to debate the control issue.

 

"Justice or revenge?" she asked plaintively. "I'm not sure they are the same. At least I hope they aren't. Even in this case, I would like to think we, as a society, can draw the line between holding criminals accountable and ruthless vindictiveness."

 

She found herself gazing out the window as she continued. "Of course, it's easy for me to sit here and spout pretty words about right and wrong. A lot of people died on the Cairo. I didn't know any of them until after the fact. If I'd lost a loved one, that line between justice and revenge would probably be a little fuzzy right now."

 

Debbie closed her eyes momentarily. In those few seconds, she again saw the faces of many of the deceased members of the Cairo's crew. This happened all too frequently and it bothered her more than she cared to admit. The dead seemed to be calling out from beyond their graves, reminding her they were once living beings who laughed and cried and loved, begging that someone find those who were responsible for their deaths and bring their killers to justice.

 

She quickly opened her eyes. The images immediately disappeared but she couldn't stop the few tears that quietly rolled down her cheeks. Grateful for the dim lights, Debbie abruptly stood and turned her back to the window and Ridire. She clutched her arms around her tightly as the all too familiar emotions washed over her.

 

"There's nothing I can do for them," she said, her voice cracking slightly. "I couldn't save their lives a year ago and now, I can't help find those who were responsible for murdering them." Debbie drew a deep breath and lowered her head. "It really hurts and it makes me angry....and I'm so tired of the hurt and anger."

 

Aidan stands and moves in front of Debbie. He sighs sadly and with some hesitation brushes her tears away. He says quietly "Those emotions I understand all too well. And I wish I knew what to say to assuage that hurt and anger, Debbie, but I don't. But what I do know is that we will find out who killed the Cairo and her crew and while we couldn't save them we will bring them the peace and justice they deserve. On that I have no doubt in the world." He shakes his head slightly and says sadly "No matter how long it takes, that was the promise I made."

 

Debbie looked up at Aidan Ridire, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. One thing was for certain, she thought to herself. This house call had not gone according to plan. She'd been quick to label the XO a "control freak," but it took one to know one. Of all the people aboard Reaent, Debbie found it downright ironic that she'd lost control in front of Commander Ridire.

 

What she couldn't figure out was why she wasn't embarrassed. The truth was, it didn't seem to bother her at all. It had been almost....easy to tell him how miserable she felt about the Cairo disaster. Perhaps that was because she knew he felt the same way, if not worse. What was that old expression? "Misery loves company."

 

But that wasn't why she'd come here today. Or maybe it was. Maybe she was the one who needed to talk about the Cairo. Then again, it could have been that Irish Whiskey. Debbie took another deep breath and tried to make sense of her confusion.

 

She again looked at Aidan Ridire. He'd made a promise to find whoever was responsible for the Cairo's destruction and the deaths of three quarters of her crew. He'd promised the perpetrators would be brought to justice. Debbie wondered silently if it was possible to keep such an ambitious promise.

 

Aidan's eyes reflected a quiet determination. That was enough to quell any doubts Debbie had about his ability to fulfill his promise. He was a man of honor who was blessed with a strong will. He also had resources that would assist him in his search for the Cairo's killers. And she would help as well, in whatever way she could, no matter how long it took.

 

Quite unexpectedly, Debbie felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. They would not be forgotten....ever. She smiled shyly, stepped forward and kissed Aidan lightly on the cheek. "Thank you for that promise," she whispered. "I expect you to allow me to do whatever I can to help you keep it."

 

She didn't wait for a reply. Instead, she quickly turned around and retrieved her glass which still contained half a sip of Aidan's prized Irish Whiskey. "To the promise," she said boldly as she lifted the glass high. Then she finished off the drink and promptly.....choked again.

 

This time he doesn't bother to hide the faint smile. He steps up to her and takes the glass from her hand. "I think perhaps you should lay off this stuff. Admittedly, one does need an acquired taste for it." He kisses her forehead briefly and then steps back before saying "As for helping, that you've done..more then you know." He glances out at the stars and his smile disappears like a cloud passing before the sun. He shivers briefly before adding quietly "And I have no doubt that I will need your help, and the help of the others, before this is done."