Dealing With The Mess

[DrDMatthews 0]

Too proud....too stubborn.....too embarrassed to go home.

 

She'd sarcastically suggested Aidan work a double shift....a less than subtle hint she'd rather not be around him tonight. It appeared she would be the one hanging around in her office until the wee hours of the morning....perhaps even pull an all nighter.

 

Beta shift was well underway but they'd seen precious little of the CMO. She was holed up in her office hoping they'd forget she was still around. She'd picked a lousy day to pull a stunt like this. Ordinarily, there would have been plenty of work to keep her busy. But today, Sickbay had been quiet and she caught up on her paperwork about two hours earlier.

 

She had a catalog of articles from various medical journals she wanted to read. She'd picked a out a couple and tried focusing on them four or five times but she couldn't concentrate. Her thoughts kept finding their way back to her argument with Aidan. She still wasn't sure why she'd snapped like that. Even worse, she wasn't ready to apologize. She seemed content to hide out in her little office and pout. This was so unlike her. She found it disturbing. Could she have suffered some type of brain circuitry disruption similar to what Kat was dealing with? A part of her wanted to find out while another part wanted to run and hide. For the moment, run and hide was winning this internal battle.

 

The sound of the door chime startled her out of her reverie. She glared at the closed portal, annoyed that someone had dared to disturb her. Before she could say anything, the door opened with its customary swish and Grace Allen stepped inside. She didn't say a word until the door closed behind her but it was apparent she was....agitated. Why else would she be standing there with her fists planted on her hips glaring at Debbie the way a parent stares at a petulant child.

 

"What do you want, Gracie?"

"Why are you still here. You hiding from something...or someone?"

"I have work to do."

"It's quiet out there and your desk is clean. Whatever it is keeping you here, it isn't work."

 

The chief nurse strolled across the room and sat down in one of the two chairs facing Deb's desk. "Why don't you just admit it? You had a fight with your husband."

"What makes you think that?"

"Maybe the look on the XO's face when he left this office around lunch time. He could have bored a hole through the hull with the glare he was wearing."Gracie shrugged her shoulders as she leaned back in the chair and crossed her legs. "It happens. It's not the end of the world," she added casually.

 

"It feels like it," groaned Debbie. She leaned forward, crossed her arms on her desk and woefully stared at her guest. "It was my fault, Gracie," she added. "I blew up at him over something so stupid.....I can't believe I lost it like that."

 

"What was it that set you off?"

"He said I had to choose where we would go on our vacation?"

 

Lieutenant Allen stared at her boss like the CMO had lobsters crawling out of ears. She remained silent for several seconds before shaking her head. "That wouldn't have bothered you before," she remarked evenly. "But you already know that, don't you?

 

Debbie lifted her head and met Gracie's gaze. "I'm not sure about anything anymore," she answered, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

"Why don't you go home....and apologize. Five will get you ten he'll accept your apology and forget all about this."

 

"That's what I should do.....but.....I'm.....I'm still so.....angry. I need to calm down before I speak to him again or else he might tell me "

 

Now it was Gracie's turn to lean forward and cross her arms on the desk. "Angry about what?" she asked bluntly, fixing Deb with a penetrating stare. "About what happened during our last mission? About thinking we were all dead only to have us show up alive and well?" She jutted her head forward slightly and raised a brow. "Or is something else you're feeling.....like betrayal?"

 

"Betrayal" Debbie repeated the word as though she'd never heard it before. Something about the term resonated within her striking more than a couple of nerves. "Why would I feel like I'd been betrayed? Especially by Aidan. He's been nothing but supportive."

 

"He didn't protect you either."

 

"What? How can you say that!" Now she was on her feet, glaring at the older woman sitting across from her. "This wasn't his fault!" she snapped. "And in this line of work, there's no way he can protect me."

 

"I know that," replied Gracie calmly. She paused but never broke eye contact. "The question is, do you?"

 

"Of course I know that! I've known it all along." For the second time within 24 hours, Deb was livid and her tone clearly reflected her mood. "It's one of the many issues we discussed at length before we got married. This has nothing to do with Aidan and I won't listen to you imply otherwise."

 

Gracie remained completely tranquil. "If he has nothing to do with it, why did you take out your....whatever you want to call it.....on your husband?"

 

She wasn't taken by surprise. She knew that question was coming. Heck, she'd already thought of herself. "I don't know," she finally admitted, slowly setting back into her chair. "I honestly don't know."

 

The two women sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Gracie got to her feet. "Think about it," she said, her tone serious but caring. "You've been married for awhile now. You've both talked about a family. It takes two for that." She moved slowly toward the door as she continued. "But every time you turn around, something happens to put that dream at risk. Your husband can't protect the dream. Neither can you. But subconsciously, you may have decided he's betrayed you because he's unable to do the impossible."

 

Debbie stared at the wall across from her desk, listening attentively as the chief nurse spoke her mind. Right or wrong, she'd never considered the scenario Gracie was describing.

 

"It's just a thought," added Gracie as the office door swished open. "One way or the other, the two of you need to talk. And that won't happen as long you're hiding out down here."

 

The CMO finally glanced toward the door, just in time to see her chief nurse and friend walk out into main Sickbay. She looked at the chrono on her desk. It was already 0220. Another shift had come and gone. It took Debbie thirty minutes to work up the nerve to go home. Once she'd packed her things and ordered the lights off, she stepped into the brightly lit medical facility and quickly surveyed the expansive room. She couldn't help noticing that everyone appeared very busy even though there were no patients to tend to. Obviously, the entire staff knew something was amiss. That only added to Deb's lousy mood.

 

She casually walked to the exit, her calm demeanor belying the turmoil raging within. As she left the quiet of Sickbay, she pondered the irony of it all. Her quarters had always been her sanctuary from the chaos of her job. Tonight, exact opposite was true. She entered the lift and ordered it to Deck 4, quietly wondering how to deal with the mess she'd created.