Decisions, decisions...

[Atragon9 0]

 

::Sitting in his office, just off the Bridge of the Manticore, Atragon-9 is trying to read through Fleet rosters, but keeps being distracted by the sounds of construction on the ship and the thoughts of Jami in the Medical Bay of the station. Finally, he puts down the PADD and just leans back in his chair, staring at the bulkhead above him::

 

What did they used to say, 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished?' So, I'm in the conference center with the Inspector General getting validation of all my feelings about Jaffe and getting my command status restored. Jami is in the Infirmary, healed from physical wounds, but far from healed from the psychological ones. I go to tell her about my news and, when I see her, I can't bear to speak. She looks so ... lost. I hold her, I offer her my strength, if it will do any good. I want to take away her hurt, her pain, but I don't even know if I have anything to help her, anymore. At one time I did, that I know. At one time, she and I were each others' world. It's been a long time, it's been a hard fight.

 

First the work and then Melville and now Jaffe have taken their toll on all of the crew, but the command staff, in particular. From Adam Vern, who's toll was immediate and tangible; to the ever changing Science Chief; to Precip - a fine officer that may never serve this ship again; to Margaux Roget, whose back story intersects this ship's and my own in far too many places; to Colonel Eason, whose trust in Jaffe may be her undoing; to Sovak, the most emotional Vulcan I've ever seen, to Jami and myself. I think we have poured so much of our emotional reserves into the ship and mission that we didn't have any left for each other.

 

Seeing her in that bed, looking the way she did, talking the way she was, I knew that she gone over the edge, but I didn't have the "rope" to pull her back anymore. I will stay with her, as long as she wants, as long as her own doctors think it will help and beyond. At some point, though, we will have to decide - decide where our futures lie. Mine has always been in space and with this return to command status, well ... ::looks at the PADD again:: there are some interesting ships out there that are in need of commanders, Stargazer, Goddard, Dauntless, Cochrane, even the Arcadia. I don't know if this list will still be the same when I am finished in tending to Jami's needs, but ours is a dangerous line of work, so as long as they keep building ships, they will keep needing people to run them.

 

I guess I'm looking at the current list just to get used to leaving Manticore. That's going to be a hard one for me, but I can't exactly fire Sovak, even if I do outrank him. It may finally be time to leave the nest, leave the ship I designed, built and ::his voice catches and he stops and looks around, slowly:: Manticore doesn't need me any more, no matter how much I may need her.

 

::Stands up and steps away from his desk, pacing:: All right, enough about me. I need to be with Jami for as long as she will have me and I have to shut out the siren song of space.