Deep Regrets

[Seiben 0]

Now back on board the Arcadia, from Arcady Prime, Seiben returns to his quarters. He takes out the knife he used on Anika with a sense of discust. There's even a bit of blood on the stainless steel blade, when he threatened to cut Anika's throat. Seiben hurls the knife across the room, and into the wall so hard, the blade and handle broke of in three pieces. How could I do this? Seiben thought. Attacking a woman violates everything a true gentleman stands for.

 

Despite the fact Seiben had been brainwashed by the Queen, Seiben can't help but hate himself for what he had done. Seiben walks over to his closet, and opens the small hatch in the ceiling. Inside the hatch contains a safe. Seiben opens the safe, and extracts one of his bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey. The real stuff, not the sythehol version. Seiben smuggled it on board, when he first arrived to the Arc. His hands shaking, Seiben opens the bottle, and pours the whiskey into a glass. As he downs the whiskey in one quick gukp, Seiben quitely sobs.

 

"WHat have I done? How can I put a knife to one of my friend's throats?" he says to himself as he pours a second glass. Anika's never, ever going to forgive me. Seiben thinks, as he downs the second glass. And she's right to do so. If I were her, I'd want me to drop dead. Seiben pours a third glass, but his hands are so shaky, he spills some of it on the table. I'm no gentleman, I'm a barbarian.. a monster. Seiben wallows in silence as he downs a fourth, fifth and sixth glass of whiskey. Anika hates me, and she's right to do so.. attacking a woman with a knife. Seiben feels lower than a Ferengi, Cardassian and Romulan combined. "How am I ever going to show my face again?" Seiben slurs drunkedly to himself. The crew by now, probably heard of Seiben's actions.

 

They'll never forgive me either. Seiben cries more harder know, as he downs half of the seventh glass of whiskey. Seiben looks at his reflection in the mirror. His face is pale, eyes blood shot and red. Seiben didn't even remove the brown hair dye, but his green contacts fell off. "I should be locked away in the brig for this." Seiben says. "I hate myself.. I am so sorry Anika. I apologise from the bottom of my heart.. can you ever forgive me? Please?" Still crying, Seiben again, looks at himself. Seiben hasn't cried since he was 10, when his great-grandfather passed away, but now Seiben is an emotional wreck. Enraged at himself, he can no longer look at his reflection. Seiben picked up the 1/4 full bottle of whiskey and threw it at the mirror. Whiskey, and shards of glass from the mirror and bottle sprinkle everywhere. Seiben plops down into bed and cries more.

 

I'm not sure if I can forgive myself either, Seiben thinks. I can't go out to my quarters.. I..I..I just can't! What am I going to do?! Seiben thinks. "I'm all alone. I can't even talk to Trichon about this, after I punched him in the nose. Gosh.. he'll never want to speak to me either. This Queen Alanda.. that (censored)!

I should have slit HER throat when I had the chance! Seiben looks down at the shattered knife. Not thinking of what else to do, Seiben stumbles towards his panel and sits down. He books an appointment with Counseller Knollwatcher, and leaves her a message. "As you may of heard... I.. tried to kill Anika with a knife on Arcady Prrime... I knoe Annikka will prolly neber forgibeb me, but I..just don't know hwo lse to turn to.

 

" Seiben slurred. "Hiccup! Thank you, doc." Seiben also leave a message to Jaruq stating that he probably won't be reporting for work tomorrow. "I feel jussst awful of what I did, sir. Attacking Anika and Trichon like that was uncivilised, and uncalled for. I feel so guilty now. It's not something a Starfleet officer would do. I'm so sorry, I've let you down, sir. I don't deserve to be an engineer. So, until further notice, I am confining myself to my quarters. I don't deserve to see anyone. " Seiben choked back his tears and ended the message. How can I ever show my face around the Arcadia? A physically and mentally exhausted, ashamed and defeated Seiben stumbles the passes put onhis bed. Drifing into a deep, dreamless sleep.