A Quiet Dinner

[Cmdr Ridire 0]

It has been several days since the culmination of events regarding the I.S.S. Odyssey and the crew of the Reaent were currently enjoying some shore leave. The Odyssey and its hapless crew were just about all Debbie had been able to think about. Needless to say, her mood left much to be desired.

 

A good night's rest would help immensely but sleep was elusive. When it did come, it was punctuated by vivid dreams of the carnage they found on the Odyssey. If it wasn't the skeletons strew everywhere on the ship, it was visions of future devastation resulting from the secret weapon tucked away on one of Odyssey's lower decks. Debbie hadn't yet resorted to sleeping aides, but she'd already made up her mind that was what she would do tonight if she had even one nightmare.

 

But for now, she forced herself to concentrate on the task at hand. Looking at herself in the mirror, she dabbed concealer under her eyes to hide the dark circles. She'd already used some magic potion to eliminate the puffiness. After adding the concealer, she was pleased to see that her tired eyes looked half way presentable.

 

It took Debbie another ten minutes to finish her makeup and hair. Then she quickly checked her uniform and headed off to Aidan's quarters for a genuine home cooked meal....or at least that's what he claimed it would be. She was hoping this would be a relaxing evening and that she would be able to sleep soundly afterward. But as she walked through the corridors, she couldn't help but notice the knot in her stomach. It seemed to grow larger the closer she got to Aidan's quarters.

 

She stopped a few feet away from Aidan's quarters and drew a deep breath. Debbie was downright nervous and that annoyed her. "You've had dinner with him at least a dozen times," she said to herself. "Why are so bent out of shape tonight? What's changed?"

 

Debbie took another step but again came to an abrupt stop. "You know what's changed," she thought. "That scares you and rightfully so." She started to turn around. "Maybe this isn't such a good idea," she mumbled softly. But instead of taking a step backward, she found herself moving toward the door, a little voice whispering to her forcefully, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Enjoy the meal and let the chips fall where they may."

 

Debbie drew a deep breath and forced her doubts back into the recesses of her mind. Then she rang the door chime.

 

Aidan was just finishing setting the table when the door chimed. He glances up at the door and says "Enter" before returning his attention to the task at hand. Once he's finished setting the table he looks up at Deb and smiles before asking "What do you want to drink?" As he asks the question he feels a blush crawl up the back of his neck. It was a bit absurd but since she was wearing her uniform he feels a bit underdressed. Granted, he isn't wearing a tuxedo but neither is he wearing a T-shirt and jeans and yet he still felt a bit underdressed in a dress shirt and slacks. He moves to pull out a chair and waits for Deb to sit down.

 

"I'll have water," replied Debbie as she sat down. She wondered when she'd last seen Aidan Ridire out of uniform. She knew there had been other occasions but it hadn't happened recently. He'd come home with her to Redstone after the Cairo incident. Was that the last time? How many years ago was that? Cairo....now that was something she would prefer not to think about tonight. Maybe she should have dressed more casually.

 

Debbie silently watched Aidan as he set the glass in front of her. Whatever he'd prepared smelled wonderful. "So," she asked. "What's for dinner?"

 

He brings the food over which turns out to be orange chicken with wild rice. As he sits down he says a bit nervously "I want your honest opinion on the chicken. It's one of my mom's recipes and while I've made it before...it's been rather a few years since I've done so."

 

He frowns slightly as he watches her take a bite of the food. He cants his head slightly as he notices the weariness on her face. It didn't take a genius to know the reason behind that and it bothered him. He sighs inwardly, thinking that perhaps dinner should have waited a few more days. He hopes they never have to deal with another ghost ship, if not for the affect it was having on him then for the affect it was having on her.

 

Debbie smiled skeptically as she slowly took a bite of Aidan's "orange chicken." She maintained a neutral expression as she savored the flavor and savor was the proper term. It was good....really good. Debbie smiled and nodded approvingly. "Your Mom would be proud," she remarked lightly as she stabbed another piece of chicken with her fork. "This is downright delicious. You are a man of many talents....Starfleet officer, expert archer and closet chef!" She pointed the fork at him. "Okay, fess up. What other recipes have you mastered?"

 

He smirks before taking a bite of his food. Swallowing he says "I'm not going to list all the recipes I know. With the way you're attacking your food there you'll get it in your head that I should prepare samples for you. I'm afraid you'll just have to find out via other means." He takes a few more bites of his food. He shrugs "As for my other hobbies and talents, not like I don't have time to further them. It's not like I have a wife or family to tend to. Nor do I have any other family out here to worry about." He shrugs again and says simply "My time is my own out here."

 

Debbie reached for her glass. "Who are you kidding," she asked rhetorically. "You might as well be married to this ship. And you can't tell me you don't worry about the entire crew like you would your own family." She shook her head and took a sip of water. "Your time isn't your own out here any more than mine is."

 

She scooped some rice onto her fork and glanced at her host. Debbie saw something in his eyes she didn't quite recognize. It was there for only a moment and it left her feeling a little unsettled. She quickly decided it was her imagination. She was tired. That was all there was to it. And, she was behaving far too seriously. This was supposed to be a relaxing evening. "But," she continued lightly. "I see nothing wrong with you spending some of your free time preparing samples."

 

He frowns momentarily at her rather glib comment. Finally he shrugs "Perhaps..but the point still remains. I don't spend all my time on duty and one does need hobbies. Especially out here else one would go bonkers." He smirks briefly "And I am not going to be your personal chef, Deb. I certainly don't mind sharing dinner with you and I don't mind sometimes taking the time to cook said dinner. In fact I rather enjoy both. But the fact remains that if you get too spoiled then you'll start thinking that my cooking dinner for you should be an everyday event. And I don't want a spoiled Deb Matthews on my hands." His voice takes on a teasing tone as he says the last.

 

"There's nothing wrong with spoiled," retorted Debbie, filling her fork once again. "You never know. A spoiled Deb might be easier to deal with than the one sitting across from you now."

 

He takes a few bites of his food. Finally he asks in a more sober tone "So...are you going to tell me what has you looking rather like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs?"

 

"I'm tired, Aidan," replied Debbie softly, choosing to focus her attention on the food in her plate. "This latest situation seems to be keeping me awake at night." She glanced at him and smiled gamely. "But I'm sure this wonderful meal will go a long way toward helping me sleep tonight."

 

Setting down her fork, she moved her plate just enough to allow her to fold her arms and rest them on the edge of the table. "Are you telling me you're not concerned about that ship?"

 

He nods "Of course I'm concerned. It's one big giant Pandora's box that I just as soon wish had never dropped in our laps." He sighs sadly and shakes his head "Let's not discuss such things at dinner. The bloody thing has been keeping me up nights and I'd rather try and get it out of my head. Or at least not reinforce it's position in my head. So...you can pick what we should talk about." He takes a bite from his food as he watches her.

 

Debbie continued resting her arms on the table as she studied Aidan Ridire. She couldn't blame him for not wanting to discuss the ISS Odyssey. He was simply trying to relax and forget about the job for a few hours. The CMO found herself wishing she could do the same thing. She wished she could find something else to occupy her thoughts....something that wouldn't keep her awake at night.

 

Leaning back in her chair, she folded her hands in her lap and tried to smile. "Okay, we won't talk about Odyssey." She paused a moment and glanced around the room. "Let's talk about something else.....like the future." Debbie again focused her attention on the Reaent's XO. "What are your plans for the future? she asked. "Where do you see yourself in a year or five years....or even ten years?"

 

Seeing that she was nearly done with the meal, he stands and moves to retrieve the dessert. He sets her hot fudge cake down in front of her and takes his to the couch where he stretches out. While remaining in full view of her, he needed the time to think through his answer a bit.

 

He takes a bite of his dessert and says after swallowing "I'm not sure to be honest. I grew up wanting to Captain a starship but lately...I'm not sure that I want to hold onto that dream. I may only spend a few more years here on this ship or another before returning home and either asking for a planet side billing or just retiring altogether." He shrugs and adds "And while part of me, speaking further down the line, would like to see about starting a family if I find someone...the other part of me....well...you know that story as well as I do."

 

Seeing that she was nearly done with the meal, he stands and moves to retrieve the dessert. He sets her hot fudge cake down in front of her and takes his to the couch where he stretches out. While remaining in full view of her, he needed the time to think through his answer a bit.

 

He takes a bite of his dessert and says after swallowing "I'm not sure to be honest. I grew up wanting to Captain a starship but lately...I'm not sure that I want to hold onto that dream. I may only spend a few more years here on this ship or another before returning home and either asking for a planet side billing or just retiring altogether." He shrugs and adds "And while part of me, speaking further down the line, would like to see about starting a family if I find someone...the other part of me....well...you know that story as well as I do."

 

Debbie carefully surveyed the chocolate delicacy in front of her. "I'm not sure either," she replied before taking a bite. She savored the flavor of the sweet, dark chocolate for a moment before glancing at Aidan. "Another spectacular success," she said, nodding toward the decadent dessert before her. "Be sure you let me know whenever you make this. It's fabulous!"

 

She took another bite before picking up the plate and crossing the room. "It's funny," she said, taking a seat in the lounge chair across from the sofa. "Had you asked me for my thoughts on the future last week, I would have been able to give you a definitive answer." Debbie shook her head slightly and stared at her plate. "But every time I think I finally have a clear plan, something comes along to muddy the waters."

 

She carefully lifted another piece of the cake and ice cream toward her mouth but then stopped and laid the fork down on the plate. "I used to think this job was the end all. Once I'd achieved this goal, I would be content." Again, she shook her head slightly. "But I was wrong. I'm not content. What's more, I'm afraid to think of where I'll be in one year, much less ten."

 

He closes his eyes briefly "Yeah, that I can understand. I used to think that being a Captain would be the end all for me. Curious the closer I get to that goal the less I'm sure I want it." He takes a bite from his cake. Swallowing he asks "So..what were your thoughts on the future last week? And why are you now afraid of where you'll be in a year or ten years? And what do you want your future to be now?"

 

Debbie took another bite of the delicious dessert. She considered Aidan's question as she allowed the cake and ice cream to slowly melt in her mouth. She wasn't sure she wanted to answer the question but fair was fair. She was the one who brought up the subject in the first place.

 

"I saw myself here," she began with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "Here meaning Reaent. I figured I would stay put for another two or three years. And then maybe request a ground assignment and settle down with someone."

 

He arches an eyebrow as he considers her words. He takes a bite from his dessert as what she said stirs the memory of where his thoughts had drifted towards earlier on the bridge. It is true that of the people on the Reaent, he was closest to Deb and cared the most about her. That was only natural considering that she was the one who had helped him through the darkness he had faced since coming to this ship. But that was only friendship...wasn't it? After Fiona he had decided that he never wanted to be hurt like that again, didn't want to risk himself like that again. To paraphrase the old adage..too much pain for too little gain. And yet...if he carried out that decision to its end that was going to be a rather lonely existence. He sighs inwardly and shakes his head slightly.

 

He looks up to find her looking back at him curiously. He hesitates a second then smiles and reaches a hand to caress her face. "I'm sure you'll find that someone. That you deserve, Deb"

 

Debbie felt herself blushing and quickly looked away. She suddenly felt like she was hanging onto a limb in the middle of a hurricane. "We all deserve a special someone," she replied a little too quickly. "But I'm not sure it's worth the risk."

 

Had their conversation taken place a week earlier, she would have responded quite differently. Before the Reaent's latest brush with disaster, Debbie had been willing to take a chance on developing a personal relationship with someone she considered special. What's more, she was hoping to take that chance with Aidan. It had taken her a couple of years to reach that decision. It only took a few hours to change her mind.

 

Debbie studied the remains of her dessert while silently chiding herself. It had been a mistake to bring this up. She was already depressed about the Odyssey incident. This conversation was just adding to her malaise. For a moment, she thought about leaving. She could easily concoct a very plausible excuse for doing so. At the same time, she found herself wanting to stay. And that fact bothered her immensely.

 

Nick frowns slightly and sighs. "Deb, it wasn't that long ago that you were chiding me for taking that same exact position. That I was wrong for deciding to close off my heart because of what happened with Fiona. And that I was allowing the darkness to swallow me. Well as much as you don't want me to be swallowed by that darkness I don't want you swallowed by it either. You're far too dear to me for me to be able to stand watching you go through that. And I know you well enough to know that you really don't want to take the path I took. It's just that the Odyssey is weighing on you as it is the rest of us. You can't change what happened to them but neither should what happened to them be allowed to change you."

 

He closes his eyes briefly. "I may have lost my chance when Fiona died or maybe there is someone else out there. I don't know. However, I do know that I hope there is. I have a long life ahead of me and I don't, as much as the wounded part of me says otherwise, wish to live it alone."

 

"So, please, if the chance presents itself to you..if you find someone or if you already have please take it, for both our sakes. I want you to find happiness, Deb, and maybe if you do it will help shore up my faith that someday I will find the same. And if you fall, rest assured I will catch you."

 

Debbie paused a moment to allow Aidan's words to sink in. She glanced at him and smiled slightly, not quite sure what to make of his remarks. Oddly enough, she felt both relief and disappointment. "It's good to know someone is watching my back," she quipped, unable to think of anything else to say. She stood and wandered back to the dining table to pick up her glass. "If you happen to find someone, and you fall, I'll be there to catch you as well," she said before taking a sip from her glass.

 

Had this conversation taken place just a few days earlier, there would have been much more to say. Debbie would have tried to discern just how Aidan Ridire really felt about her. There were times when she thought he considered her more than just a friend. She'd finally reached the point where she was willing to admit that to him as well.

 

But that was before Odyssey and the mirror universe...before the latest overdose of death and mass destruction....before uncertainty once again clouded her vision of the future. It was bad enough to watch total strangers die much less those she considered friends. She couldn't imagine losing someone she'd allowed herself to fall in love with.

 

"It's better this way," she thought silently. That's why she felt relief at Aidan's remarks. At the same time, she was forced to admit her disappointment was nearly palpable....another very disturbing turn of events.

 

He watches her for a few moments then sighs quietly to himself. He moves so he's sitting on the edge of the low table in front of her. He murmurs "Please don't close yourself off like that. It's bad enough I do that, I would not wish that on the person I care about most on this ship." He hesitates slightly then moves to kiss her on the cheek. He withdraws a little then says quietly "I wish I knew what to do or say to return the smile to your face, to make you happy. I don't want to see you like this."

 

Debbie smiled gamely. "Just let me know when you decide to stop closing yourself off," she stated flatly. She immediately wished she could reel those words back in but that wasn't possible. The only other thing to do was run so Debbie immediately stood. She walked across the room, putting as much distance between herself and Aidan as she could and resolutely stared out the windows.

 

He watches her quietly for a few seconds, both wondering at what was going on with her..and wondering what had made him kiss her, even if it was only on the cheek. He stands and steps up behind her. He rests a hand on her shoulder and gently turns her around. He says quietly "Deb, what's really going on? It's not like you to shut me out like this." He pauses slightly then adds "And as for what you said...I honestly would like to stop closing myself off...rather tired of it to be honest. And I don't want you to repeat my mistake, you're the only one on this ship that I'm at all open with, that I'm at all close to. I'd like to continue that..and see how things turn out."

 

Debbie forced herself to remain calm. It was no small task. The elephants traipsing around in her stomach were difficult to hide. She carefully studied Aidan Ridire's expression. Unlike herself, he seemed very much at ease.

 

He wanted to continue on as they had been and see what happened. It could be he'd figured this out. Maybe he knew she'd fallen for him and maybe he understood her seemingly irrational fear to admit it. As hard as she tried, Debbie couldn't find any reason to object to Aidan's offer. She wanted his friendship. She was pretty sure she wanted more than that. At the same time, she wasn't ready to make the commitment. Heck, she couldn't even suggest it. For some reason, she got the distinct impression Aidan knew that and was wasn't going to push. She doubted she would ever be able to express her gratitude for that.

 

Debbie clasped his right hand with both of hers and looked him in the eye. "You're a patient man, Aidan Ridire," she said softly while offering him a genuine smile. "I hope you're not disappointed with how things work out."

 

He smiles and squeezes her hand gently. "As long as you don't try closing yourself off the only way I'd be disappointed was if our friendship dies." He shrugs slightly as he slips his hand from hers. Hugging her gently he murmurs "Whatever else happens, I'll trust to fate."