LtCdrDeveraux

No Magic Wand 0312.05 An Alex and Marris Joint Marris was waiting down in stellar cartography, definitely not looking forward to working with Alex on the little project Kris had given them. She wondered if Kris was being sadistic for making them work together when he knew what was up, or if he was trying to help. She sighed. No, it was probably because it was just the most logical choice, though she didn't have to like it. Just then the heavy doors dragged open with a thrum, making Marris jump a bit, and Alex strode in, PADD in hand. She muttered something that sounded like, "Hi." Alex smiled politely and gave a cordial, "Marris." It seemed so manufactured. Had he even heard her? She shifted on her feet a bit in front of the console. "So...any thoughts?" "A number, actually," he said as he took a seat and seamlessly shifted into work-mode. He brought up his notes on the huge, panoramic display. "It occurred to me that a number of these disturbances could be shifted about by the subspace induction vortices generated by our own warp drive." Marris caught herself staring at the back of his head for a moment, just amazed that he could act like this. "I...erm...had a similar thought. I ran a few calculations when I was in the big chair." Alex nodded calmly. "I would expect that your calculations led you to conclude that higher warp velocities are ill-advisable." Still standing behind him, she nodded. "Additionally," he continued, adjusting the large display with a whoosh, "it might be possible to reduce the magnitude of the induction vortices we generate. Very much as a large seagoing vessel might switch to a more efficient propeller." Marris tapped away at the console next to him, inputting what she'd worked out in her head before. "You'd know better than I. I just steer and press the gas pedal. Engines are your thing." He turned to face her, an expression of mild confusion on his face. "Gas pedal?" "You know. On cars." There was a pause. "Internal combustion vehicles?" "Internal combustion..." His brows knit. "Like, old transportative technology?" "Yeah." "I still don't understand the reference. If the craft was powered by internal combustion, pedaling should have been unnecessary." "Look, you remember the 50s diner pro...gram..." She trailed off. "Anyway, you were saying something about...something?" "Yes...indeed..." His brows quirked momentarily, and then he turned back to the console. "Ultimately, I believe Commander Pearman and I can calibrate the engines to be more ‘sensitive’ to the subspace signatures of these individual phenomena." Tap, tap, tap. "That being the case, I see no reason why we won't arrive safely at our destination." The destination system enlarged and filled the room, bathing the two of them in holographic starlight. Marris nodded, thoughts of "The Dev" running through the back of her mind, remembering the diner...she kept them back there. She had work to do. "Do we have an accurate mapping of these things that far out?" "Admittedly, no...we don't." He turned to face her. "The goal here is to avoid contact with these subspace eddies entirely. If they get close enough to pose a problem, then it will fall to you to avoid them." She crossed her arms. "That I can do. Was doing pretty well, too, considering. The engine modifications will help a lot, though, thanks." He nodded and gave a smile. "Happy to be of service." Marris made a kind of pained half smile, still wondering how he could be like this. "Now then," he said, "if we're agreed, I'll send our report to the Captain." Find the cool center, Alex...quell the fires... you're almost out of here... Marris nodded, then waited for him to send off the report. She was probably going to regret saying what she was about to say, but she couldn’t help herself. She couldn’t take this any more. "How do you do it?" Alex gave a modest smile. "Ah, well. I majored in Theoretical Physics and Subspace Dynamics during my academy years. That combined with a little bit of engineering experience, and it's child's play." Her face was deadpan. "That's not what I meant." He frowned. "Then...I'm afraid I don't know what you meant." Marris took a deep breath. "How can you just...sit there and...and act like nothing's happened?" Alex was equally deadpan, with a bit of an edge to his voice that made her very uncomfortable. "Necessity is the mother of invention, Mari. Anything else?" Marris unconsciously took a step back. "No. I just...I want..." She sighed. "Never mind." Alex raised a brow. "You...want?" His eyes grew cold. "That somehow sounds familiar." "I'm sorry...I know things can't go back like they were, but you're creeping me out Alex." He blinked. "I'm sorry...'creeping you out?'" She began to wring her hands a bit. "It's like you don't feel anything, and that makes me wonder if what was there before was all in my head." "I assure you, there is feeling there. I'm simply trained by the best." He smiled a bit sadly and added, "Thank God." Marris looked slightly confused. "Wait...I thought..." "Thought what?" "I thought that...erm...that training you went through as a kid...I thought it wasn't to suppress your emotions." "My emotions are still there. They come out quite frequently. I'm just not ruled by them. Which is why I can be deeply, deeply hurt...and still get on with my life." He gave a wry smirk. "It’s always proven to be a useful skill." Marris decided to get a little bold, though she was shaking as she takes a step forward. "No. Tell me how I hurt you. I want to make it better. I want to feel like you don't hate me, 'cause that's how I feel right now, Alex." He looked incredulous. "Tell you how? Perhaps it was all in my head. If I need to explain it to you..." "No, damnit, I know what I did." She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "I'm sorry, but I was trying to put my life back together. You know what kind of hell I went through? I woke up screaming every night that first month, Alex." He shook his head incredulously. "Amazing. You really don't understand. "No, I don't. So tell me. Tell me how I can make it better." "I'm not hurt because you left, Marris. I'm hurt because you didn't take me with you. And then I was hurt even worse when you didn't call...or write... I felt like I was part of a tumor you were trying to cut off. It was awful." She tried to say something then, but he just pushed right ahead. "Did you ever once think about me? Or did you think about yourself the entire time?" He shook his head sadly. "No Marris, what hurts is that you clearly didn't feel about me the way I felt about you." "I was scared, Alex. I just..." She choked. Unmoved by her tears, he was gratefully in ironclad control of himself. He turned to the console and shut the displays down, submerging them in gloom. "I don't hate you, Mari." He looked up at her, his gaze meeting hers. "But I think I'd be a much happier man if I had never known you." He picked up the PADD and turned to go, about to leave her alone in the darkness. She took a shuddering breath. "I'm so sorry. Can't you...see that..?" He paused at the door. "Please. I'm sorry. I just...I just want to make it better. Tell me how to make it better." She barely noticed a shift in his jaw. "Please, Alex. I'm begging you." He shut his eyes tightly, his voice soft but harsh. "What do you want from me, damn you!" Marris looked down at her feet and spoke softly. "I want forgiveness, Alex. I want to earn your forgiveness." "I don't have a damned magic wand! There is no button I can tell you to press that will make it all go away." Marris was silent, and he could tell that she honestly didn’t know what to say to that. He shook his head slowly, his voice dropping to a whisper. "You have no idea what you almost did to me, Marris. What I almost allowed to happen because of the way I..." his jaw quivered, "felt." "Then tell me." He took a breath, and then paused, clearly having changed his mind. "No...no, I don't think I will. Intimacy with you would not be in my better judgment." "Then we're just going to keep on like this until one of us snaps." Alex’s eyes narrowed, as if he'd just received a personal insult. His words were like daggers. "I don't snap." "Everyone snaps." He straightened his uniform and took a cleansing breath, adding more quietly, "Not anymore." There wasn’t much that got beyond Ferengi ears. "What do you mean?" "I mean I don't snap. I thought my meaning was clear." "You have snapped, though." His face hardened. "You don't know what you're talking about." "You said, 'Not anymore.'" "So what." "So what happened? What have I caused you to do that's so incredibly horrible?" "'What happened’ is none of your damned business. All you need to worry about is that despite your finest efforts, it's not going to happen again." "What do you mean?! Please, I just want to fix things! I can't fix things if you won't tell me what's wrong!" "There's nothing to fix, damnit. Or at least there wouldn't be if you would just let it alone." "No." Her jaw was set. "If we're going to be working together, I'm not going to jump every time you walk into a room. I'm not going to try avoiding you everywhere I go. I'm not going to let this keep going on because it's not good for me and it sure as hell isn't good for you. And I can't do that until I know that everything is okay between us." "Look, to be completely honest with you, what effect this has on you is now your problem. I would have made it mine too...once. But not now. If you value your career on this ship, I suggest you find a way to deal with it. Otherwise, pick up and leave." He took a moment for emphasis, then added, "That seems to be what you're good at." "I'm not running away again. Look what it got me last time. The man I love wishes he never met me." As soon as it was out of her mouth, she wished she could pull that sentence back. He stopped for a moment, having been a bit unprepared for that. Marris decided to plow ahead. She couldn’t take it back now. "I still love you." He closed his eyes and turned his head away, trying not to let his voice choke. It was hoarse and quiet. "Please don't say that...you don't know what you're doing." "No. I still love you. And I'm not going to let this go without one hell of a fight. I'm going to prove to you that I have always felt and will always feel for you what you felt for me." He was still either unwilling or unable to look at her. "Prove?" "Yes." She choked back another round of tears. "Because you don't believe me when I say it." "I'd like to, Marris...but after half a year with no word...not a word...it's a little bit difficult." "I know. I've got my work cut out for me." He looked up at her again. "I'd just as soon you wouldn't." She shook her head, tears running down her cheeks, refusing to look away. "I can't let this go." "Why the hell not! I had thought you already did..." "I was loosing my mind, Alex. Only an insane person would let you go." He couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony there. She gave a little smile. "And apparently only an insane person would try and win you back. But I'm going to try, even if you don't help me." Alex took an unsteady breath. "Best of luck, Mari." "Hmmmf." She suddenly strode for the door, as much as a Ferengi could stride. "I don't need luck." Alex cleared his throat. "Marris..." She knew she shouldn't, but she stopped and looked back anyway. "What?" He pointed at her workstation, where she'd left her PADD. Her ears turned red. She scurried back, grabbed her PADD, and left. Alex shook his head and couldn't help but smile in spite of the situation. Maybe she hadn't changed so much after all.

--------=/\=Subspace Link Active=/\=---------- ---------------Accessing Starfleet Database ---------------------Memory Alpha --------------------------Enter Access Code: *********** --------------------------------Link Enabled Official Biography Alexander Jordan Deveraux Rank: Lieutenant Commander Current Assignment: Chief of Operations, USS Excalibur, NCC-2004-B Full Name: Alexander Jordan Deveraux Date of Birth: July 22, 2354 Place of Birth: Augusta, Maine Parents: Ambassador George Deveraux and Dr. Julia Deveraux Education: Vulcan Education since birth, From the ages of 18-22, special dual enrollement program with Stafleet Academy and Vulcan Science Academy. Starfleet Academy Class of '76. Marital Status: Single Early Life: The son of a Federation Diplomat and a respected Chemist, Alexander Deveraux was raised in aristocratic, but socially ackward surroundings. Though born in Maine, on Earth, his family was forced to relocate when he was only six years old, as his father had accepted the position of Federation Ambassador to Vulcan. This made for a difficult childhood, as Alex's early-life peers seldom gave him credit for being anything more than "Human." Alex was nearly expelled from primary school when, at the age of eight, he threw a temper tantrum in class ( an extremely serious offense on Vulcan). Desperate to help their now socially-outcast son, Ambassador Deveraux and his wife contacted an old family friend, the Vulcan Master Tr'Alis. Tr'Alis agreed to accept the boy as his pupil, and having found patronage from such a respected individual in and of itself was enough to ease the disapproval of Alex's peers. Tr'Alis recognized the fact that Alex was human, and as such, required emotion to serve in the society for which he was destined. As such, Tr'Alis' lessons focused not on the School of Surak (the mainstream school on Vulcan which preaches absolute denial of emotion), but instead on the School of Jarok, Surak's chief rival. This course of study preached control of emotion by facing them, understanding them, coming to terms with them, and finally making them work for you. Alex flourished under Tr'Alis' tutelage, and his academics led him to graduate with honors. In the summer of 2372, he sucessfully negotiated a dual enrollement program with both Starfleet Academy on Earth, and the Vulcan Science Academy on Vulcan, spending alternate semesters at both schools. Academy Life: 2372-2375 were years Alex Deveraux served and learned with distinction at starfleet academy; earning a position in Red Squad, shortly after the conspiriacy debacle of 2372 saw a number of Red Squad Cadets expelled. His declared major, Theoretical Physics with emphasis on Thermodynamics complemented his studies at the Vulcan Science Academy, which focused on Subspace Dynamics and Temporal Theory. His studies were interrupted in the summer of 2375, when the war with the Dominion took a severe turn for the worse. Like many other Cadets who would enter their senior class the next semester, Deveraux was forced to begin his midshipman cruise a full year early, having been posted as a damage control specialist on the USS Galaxy 25. Like many other starships hastily constructed to serve in the "Galaxy Wings", the Galaxy 25 was largely an empty hull with crew quarters, weapons bays, a bridge and an engineering section. She served with distinction during the battle for Chin'Toka, but was subsequantly destroyed at the Alliance invasion of Cardassia. During this last battle, Deveraux took over command of Engineering when the Assistant Chief was Killed. He was awarded the Starfleet Citation for Conspicuous Gallantry following the battle. After the end of the Dominion war, he returned to starfleet Academy to receive his commission as an Ensign in the Federation Starfleet. Psychological Evaluation Provided by Dr. Lewis Armatidge Exam Administered Prior to Entry into Starfleet Academy Mr. Deveraux is an extremely complex individual, and I can find no better credit for this attribute then the course which his upbringing has taken. He is an interesting blend of emotion and reserve, and it seems that with a great deal of practice he has managed to make both sides of himself work to his advantage. Quiet and reserved, he appears highly analytical, clearly thinking about the questions I asked him during his examination, what their implications might be, and how best to respond to them. I expected this, given his long time residence on Vulcan, however he was also extremely polite; and while he wasn't particularly outgoing, as our conversation progressed, I found him to be an extremely likeable individual. As far as his ambitions go, he made it clear to me that he intends to be in Starfleet for the long haul, with his long term goal being starship command. I would imagine that he places other such high demands on himself in other areas of his life, as a result of the disapproval which was shown him constantly as a child. I might have some reservation that this behavior might be unhealthy, as I suspect that he could be unduly hard on himself even for minor failures, however, he seems to have a strong degree of self control, and has received special instruction from accomplished Vulcans in this same art. In all, I find him to be an intellegent, capable individual, and look forward to evaluating him on future occasions. Special Abilities: Being human, Deveraux is incapable of performing any Vulcan Psionic abilities (Mind Melds and the like). However, there are two Vulcan arts which he was able to learn from Tr'Alis, prior to his departure from Vulcan. The first, Rha-Tel , or the art of Body Control, allows him to have a remarkably high tolarance for pain. Those who have mastered Rha-Tel are on file as having done such things as enduring extremes of hunger and thirst without having their efficiency reduced, walking upon hot coals, remaining completely immobile for several hours, enduring extreme temperatures (-20 C to 75 C) without harm, staying awake an functional for up to 48 hours, and holding their breath for up to 10 minutes. These figures tend to vary with Deveraux, as these examples were recorded by Vulcan practicioners. In addition, Deveraux has learned the Vulcan art of Vhoshanta, or body reading. Students of this art learn to interpret the subtle, non-verbal signals given off by all humaniod life forms. After a moment of study, the student can determine a creature's mental and emotional state. The restrictions on this ability are that the student can observe only one creature at a time, only humaniods he is familiar with, and not over any sort of commlink or holoprojection. Since all humaniods are vaguely similar, a student may attempt Vhoshanta on a species he is not familiar with...but how accurate he will be is anybody's guess. In addition, while attempting the art over a commlink is possible, it is highly inaccurate without further training in the discipline. There is a more accurate version of this art, called Vhoslan, which allows for analysis of large groups of people, analysis over a commlink, and even a limited form of empathy. Deveraux is intent on learning this discipline, but has yet to find the time or the tutor. -----------------=/\=END FILE=/\=-------------------