Dumbass

Ensign Van Roy's Personal Log Stardate 0211.27 "Picking on the FNG" While the crew is busy preparing for an event called "Thanksgiving", a pagan ritual that involves the shoving of stale bread crumbs up a dead bird's anus, I decided to begin my personal logs. Bad enough I have to repair an entire ship practically single-handed, I must also put up with the indignities of being the FNG. Here is a summary of my first duty shift as CENG. To begin with, the ship's mascot/pet, a flea-infested targ, has decided to make it's home in my office. This is of little consequence since I doubt I'll be spending much time there anyway with my workload. Without knowing if it has a name I decided to call the smelly flea-infested targ Kroells, after a former shipmate on the Reaent. So far I find the Klingon language surprisingly easy to understand. Already I can converse with my shipmates almost as easy as they converse with each other - not that I would want to, but it can come in handy if I feel the need to swear. Apparently there isn't a Klingon word for LOL. I also had to field many questions about a Vulcan's telepathic capabilities. The Klingons were under the impression that Vulcan telepathy requires physical contact. Normally this is true, but with regard to a species of limited cranial capacity- such as Klingons - this is not always the case. It was during one of my telepathic exercises I discovered my personnel file was being shared with the entire meH crew. I can understand why the HoD and RawI' would need to know, and it was prudent on their part to inform the CSEC since I will undoubtedly spend much time examining the Klingon cloaking device, but for much of the crew it's none of their business. Still, some light moments came of the incident. They seemed pleased to discover that some Vulcans do indeed have a sense of humor (On this ship I'll need it.) and that I can eat Gagh with them in true Klingon fashion. There was some concern and gossip about my pre-Starfleet years at the Ferengi School of Business. Apparently this crew does not understand the true value of an accountant - someone who solves problems you didn't know you had in ways you can't understand. (Phase I: Collect Underpants!) They were surprised to learn, however, how quick the Vulcan mind meld can be initiated given the right circumstances. During the ritual end-of-shift head-butting I briefly melded with many of them before they knew it. They believed I would be in too much pain after several head-butts. Fortunately Vulcans are thick-headed as well as thick-skinned. Ensign Van Roy Don't tell me that Vulcans don't have a sense of humor, because... I know better. - Captain Hikaru Sulu, USS Excelsior

Aww, how cute! Kroells even chose a targ as his avitar! :laugh:

Chief Engineer's Log Stardate 0211.26 Due to the unexplained absence of several crew members I suddenly find myself a department chief and the lowest ranked member of the crew. The ship underwent significant battle damage a month ago, primarily hull breaches and propulsion systems, made worse by neglect as regular maintenance had not been a priority. I have yet to come across any maintenance logs and had to run a comprehensive diagnostic of all engineering systems from scratch. The Vor'cha class battle cruiser is much sturdier than most Starfleet vessels, except for possibly the Intrepid class, but so far from the Empire we shouldn't push what Humans call "luck". A good day to die might be sooner than we think as this ship is not battle ready. We are pursuing a ship at Warp 7 so there isn't much I can do about enhancing the warp drive until I have a chance to take it off-line. Best I could do for now is repair the plasma coolant tanks and keep the drive from overheating. I can begin repairing the internal hull breaches while the structural integrity fields hold, and perhaps that power can be transfered to the warp nacelles when no longer needed, but for the moment we lack the manpower to repair the external breaches. Hopefully we will be able to enlist some new crew members during our travels. The CSCI, LTJG Perfect, is on her way down to assist with enhancements to the shields and cloaking device. My own experience with cloaking devices is understandably quite limited. The theory behind cloaks is simple enough: a strong magnetic field can "bend" visible light and other radiation around a ship, rendering it invisible to scanners and nearly so to the naked eye, but obviously Starfleet doesn't know much about the device itself. Perhaps Perfect or LtCdr Narn (OPS) or Sogh'a' Ramjep (CSEC) can instruct me on the device. Ensign Van Roy Chief Engineer IKC Qob-Lakota

Chief Helmsman's Log Stardate 0211.21 After a highly charged battle with 3 Mji ships - including the discovery of a new weapon, a plasma torpedo made with technology acquired from the Romulans - I laid in a pursuit course for a surviving Mji battle cruiser and engaged at Warp 8. While pursuing the ship, I overheard the Captain and XO bragging about how comfortable their chairs are compared to the rest of the bridge stations. I have to make due with a wooden stool that has splinters digging into my rear. Once we made visual contact with the Mji vessel we hailed them and offered our assistance - despite the fact that they almost blew us out of the sky. After a tense pause, which might have been from battle damage to their communications system, they finally responded with a simple one-word message: "accepted". The Captain, XO, most of the senior officers and a small security force went to Transporter Room 1 to meet them and covertly gather information. Captain FredM gave me the Conn. This was my first "command" assignment since arriving on ship. I walked toward the Captain's chair and sat down. FredM was right, these command chairs ARE comfortable! Security officer Ensign Garnoopy manned the Tactical station. He was worried because the Mji ship's plasma torpedo bay was still powered, and lowering our shields would have made us defenseless to an attack. I understood his concerns, but we had orders to follow. We lowered shields long enough to transport one of the Mji aboard. The transport was taking longer than usual (Perhaps the Mji's transporter is damaged as well?), and even I was getting nervous. Finally Ridire called me over the intercom and told me the transport was complete. I ordered shields up. And then the unthinkable happened! I was still at the Conn, the first time I was entrusted with command of the ship... and then my dial-up connection failed! Damn AT&T! :( Ensign Mike Van Roy Chief Helmsman USS Reaent

This crew is nuts. To begin with, someone recently played a practical joke on Ensign Kroells. I don't know the exact details, but apparently he ordered a bowl of chicken soup and discovered what he had been given was a bowl of Klingon bloodworms. Granted if you want chicken soup you should expect chicken soup, but why did he turn down fresh bloodworms?!? Bloodworms is good eatin, especially the crunchy ones! Best of all, it doesn't taste like chicken the way everything else does. :D For my away mission aboard Freedom Station I had apparently been issued a defective tricorder. Since we beamed over unannounced I had the tricorder set on continuous scan to warn us of any life forms that might stumble upon us. And who should stumble on us but the Poy Ambassador! I had never met the ambassador before, but my friend in Security, Ensign Garnoopy, was right. This guy was ugly! At any rate, he snuck up on us without being detected by the tricorder. I'll have to remember to complain to Supply about their defective equipment. :( Commander Ridire advised me to not take the sneak-up too seriously, but he did it in a way I found insulting. He compared the Poy Ambassador to a Ferengi, implying that Ferengi are not to be trusted either. I am part Ferengi on my Romulan mother's side - which means that, unlike my Vulcan father, I do have emotions and I do hold grudges. He retracted his statement, but it's one thing to criticize Ferengi methods of commerce (although they are effective - no such thing as a poor Ferengi) but to attack the Ferengi as a people was uncalled for. :D After hearing from the Poy Ambassador that the medicine was "sugar water" we decided to have Dr. Matthews check it out. Sure enough she remarked to me that the only person who could use the sample was Garnoopy. I since discovered the Doc was referring to aspirin, not breath mints. :D But most puzzling about my last shift was the absence of my good friend, the guy in the black and white striped shirt who mysteriously appears and lets everyone know when the duty shift is almost up. He doesn't say very much except "Two minute warning!", but he says it with such authority it's almost like the Captain is saying it himself! :) Ensign Van Roy

This crew is nuts. To begin with, someone recently played a practical joke on Ensign Kroells. I don't know the exact details, but apparently he ordered a bowl of chicken soup and discovered what he had been given was a bowl of Klingon bloodworms. Granted if you want chicken soup you should expect chicken soup, but why did he turn down fresh bloodworms?!? Bloodworms is good eatin, especially the crunchy ones! Best of all, it doesn't taste like chicken the way everything else does. :D For my away mission aboard Freedom Station I had apparently been issued a defective tricorder. Since we beamed over unannounced I had the tricorder set on continuous scan to warn us of any life forms that might stumble upon us. And who should stumble on us but the Poy Ambassador! I had never met the ambassador before, but my friend in Security, Ensign Garnoopy, was right. This guy was ugly! At any rate, he snuck up on us without being detected by the tricorder. I'll have to remember to complain to Supply about their defective equipment. :( Commander Ridire advised me to not take the sneak-up too seriously, but he did it in a way I found insulting. He compared the Poy Ambassador to a Ferengi, implying that Ferengi are not to be trusted either. I am part Ferengi on my Romulan mother's side - which means that, unlike my Vulcan father, I do have emotions and I do hold grudges. He made a retraction but it's one thing to criticize Ferengi methods of commerce (although they are effective - no such thing as a poor Ferengi) but to attack the Ferengi as a people was uncalled for. :D After hearing from the Poy Ambassador that the medicine was "sugar water" we decided to have Dr. Matthews check it out. Sure enough she remarked to me that the only person who could use the sample was Garnoopy. I since discovered the Doc was referring to aspirin, not breath mints. :D But most puzzling about my last shift was the absence of my good friend, the guy in the black and white striped shirt who mysteriously appears and lets everyone know when the duty shift is almost up. He doesn't say very much except "Two minute warning!", but he says it with such authority it's almost like the Captain is saying it himself! :) Ensign Van Roy

I'm in the middle of an uneventful Helm shift so I don't think anyone would mind me recording this on duty time. But the past few shifts have been anything but uneventful. This is my first personal log entry since graduating the Academy, and a lot has been happening. I reported to the Reaent a couple weeks ago (in real time) aboard the shuttle Tyderium. I guess Captain FredM never received Starfleet Motor Pool's communique saying the shuttle had been assigned to the Reaent as my primary shuttle. Another act of Starfleet bureaucracy. During my next shift I had to report to Sickbay for my check-in physical. At first I saw the prospect of being examined by a female doctor, even a human, a little enticing. However, upon learning she had only one ice-cold rectal thermometer for a crew of 550 I began to get a little nervous. (Who still uses thermometers in this age of tricorders anyway?) Oh well, at least I got a lollipop. My mission to restore stability to the crippled Mji freighter ended prematurely. The freighter didn't have an engine, but I knew a way to transfer enough power to enable someone to at least fly it to a small moon and park it in orbit. I would have liked the chance to show off my Helm skills while keeping my Ops knowledge fresh (I majored in Ops at the Academy and don't always get to use it.), but the mission was recalled. I'm told I'll get another chance to showcase my abilities, but it won't be nearly as dramatic. Upon returning, however, I discovered my friend from the Academy, Ensign Garnoopy, had been posted to the Reaent. We said hello, but he has changed a lot since graduating. He didn't appreciate my Hi-5 attempt, and muttered something about being a Klingon now. Funny, I could have sworn he was a Human in the Academy. I better go now. The situation with the Mji is growing worse. Anything could happen now. Ensign Van Roy

For the past couple weeks I have been on an away mission, trying to restore stability to the crippled freighter. After my last log I piloted the Tyderium, with the XO and CSO aboard, to dock with the freighter. We donned our spacesuits and made our way to the bridge. There were bodies and bulkheads everywhere, and entire sections of the outter hull had been replaced by force fields. This ship is a mess! I'm actually amazed it made it this far. On our way to the bridge we discovered the remnants of a firefight, mostly small arms phaser fire. I hypothesized that the Mji government had operatives on board who tried to re-take the ship after it was hijacked. Ridire sent a warning to the CO that those involved in the fight were probably on the Reaent at that moment. Ridire also discovered Ferengi uniforms in a cargo bay, but there could be legitimate reasons for this. For the time being, however, it remains a mystery. Outside the main bridge we noticed an emergency bulkhead designed to protect the bridge crew from an incident like this. Unfortunately it didn't protect everyone. After Ridire and I removed the bulkhead we discovered a body in Mji uniform, probably a member of the bridge crew. When we got to the bridge I assumed what I thought was the Helm station. I confirmed that the emergency thrusters and reserve battery were functional, but depleted. Without an engine there is no way this ship can generate enough power to bring it's navigation and propulsion systems on line, to say nothing of restoring stability. I do have an idea on how to use the Reaent to do this, and one day I may be given the chance, but for the time being other facets of the ship's mission take priority. The away team was recalled to the ship (with the Tyderium mysteriously "just appearing" in the landing bay). Ensign Van Roy Chief Helmsman USS Reaent

USS Tyderium – NCC 21159 Primary operator: Ensign Van Roy, Chief Helmsman, USS Reaent General information: Class: Type IX Shuttlecraft Type: Fast courier / general purpose light shuttle Length: 9.2 m Height: 3 m Width: 4 m Decks: 1 Mass: 850 tons Minimum crew: 1 Typical mission crew: 4 (including pilot) Maximum capacity: 8 Propulsion Systems: Impulse system: 1 fusion engine Warp Nacelles: 2 Power Source: Matter/Antimatter Reactor Normal cruise: Warp factor 8 Maximum cruise: Warp factor 8.4 Maximum rated: Warp factor 9 for three hours *Note: The USS Voyager Type IX shuttle Cochran, piloted by Lt. Paris, briefly exceeded Warp 10. ("Threshold") Tactical systems: 2 Type IV Phaser arrays 2 Micro Torpedo launchers, capable of disabling ships of similar size. Defensive systems: Light Duranium/Tritanium single hull Structural integrity field Light shields Transporter pads: 2 standard Purpose: Overall the Type IX Shuttlecraft is a multipurpose vessel, and has become the post-Dominion War standard shuttlecraft. From transferring personnel from pass assignments to new ones as well as helping out in any type of mission a ship can throw at it, this shuttle has proved to be perfect for almost any job. It is capable of Search and Rescue missions, atmospheric flight and landing on planetary surfaces. More unique abilities of the Type IX are it's excellent weapon systems for a ship of it's size and the possibility of replicating many in short periods of time, making the Type IX an excellent part of any shuttle bay.

My first day on the job and already I had to save the ship. We were holding about 500 meters from the starbase when we noticed an approaching freighter we could not identify. That alone is not so unusual but then the freighter transmited 40 authorization codes, all invalid. Our own hails were unanswered. Naturally the station refused to let them dock. Just then the ship terminated communications with the station and attempted a dangerous "fly-by", probably for intimidation. The freighter misjudged the distance and smashed into the station, with their engine block separating from the rest of the freighter and threatening to smash into the Reaent's hull. We raised shields, but that wouldn't be enough to avoid a collision. I was ordered to bring the Reaent to full reverse. I'm new to the Ambassador Class Refits, but I know enough that moving a 2,350,000 metric ton ship with reverse thrusters is a problem no matter how skilled the pilot. So I engaged the impulse engines and took us into a dive, allowing the freighter's engine block to pass safely overhead. Some debris impacted our shields but the effect was negligible. The runaway freighter was about to collide a second time with the station, but I angled the Reaent so that we could engage a tractor beam and prevent further damage to the freighter or the station. After beaming the survivors - around 8 or 9 hundred very ill Mji refuges - to various containment centers, I was ordered to take a science team to the freighter in the Tyderium to collect information on the disease.