Ethan Hawke

This log is concurrent with Ayers' "Deferral". Ethan continued to stand at the window, staring out at the stars, but not really seeing them. She was vaguely aware that Nick had come in, stood by her for a moment, and then had gone to bed. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t replied. She knew that her seemingly off-hand rejection of having children had taken Nick by surprise, and that it had hurt him. But she just couldn’t face that prospect right now… Not so soon after Vulcan, and all that that had entailed. Not when at least part of his family still couldn’t quite come to accept her and her past. Not when her past still haunted her present. She reviewed the conversation with Terra from the prior week, when she had accused Ethan of having Nick as her current assignment. How that had stung. How it made her so sick to her stomach that she wanted to throw up. She had wanted to yell back at Terra, to scream at her, and to detail for her the nightmares she had lived through as part of her assignments. How she had deliberately gained then betrayed the trust of others, how she had to become intimate with persons that were so vile and disgusting she wanted to vomit. How she had nearly been killed physically once, and mentally another time. The emotions churned in Ethan’s mind. She didn’t want to wake Nick, though, so she pushed them back down. It did little good to rehash old pain. Focus on the positive, she told herself. She consciously called to mind the scene from the runabout that she and T’Loren had shared, prior to their being truly acquainted. She remembered with a small smile how she thought that T’Loren was a typical Vulcan—emotionless and cold. How wrong she was. She remembered the rehab that they both went through following the attack that nearly killed both of them. She remembered the mind melds they had shared following T’Loren’s return to duty. A smile crept to her lips, remembering how sharing in Ethan’s memories had led T’Loren to choose to become a Marine, to her Betazoid mother’s total dismay. She remembered the friends she had made. She remembered Nina, the young Maquis woman that was teetering on the fence of right and wrong. She remembered gaining the young woman’s friendship, and as a friend leading her back to the right side. She smiled more openly remembering that Nina had been granted immunity for her testimony, and had even been able to return to her home and family. She remembered her team and her backup that occasionally skated through her missions to check in. A small chuckle escaped as she remembered some of the hideous disguises some of them had used. Then she sighed. But while that all helped, Ethan had to admit she was still afraid... more like terrified of the idea of being a mother. Of being tied to something that couldn’t fend for itself. Of that someone being used as leverage against her. She was even afraid that she couldn’t love a child the way she would want. She recalled the recent attacks on the station, and thought about how things might have been different how she and Nick had a child. A chill crept up her spine, thinking of how they would have been limited in their ability to do their jobs. Thinking of how they would have been divided between family and duty. No, it was better to wait. She still had at least 30 years left to find the time. But out here.. on the frontier…. There was just too much at risk. She would talk to Nick in the morning, explain her reasons. He would understand.. he just had to. She wanted him to be happy, but this was something she just couldn’t do right now.

A Joint Log by myself and DJ as Terra Ayers. The Pandora's Box was attempting to follow the ion trail from the pirates, but having little luck. While Ronin, Brian and Arthur worked on it, Ethan decided to go down and check on the status of the refugees they had picked up. Leaving Brown in command of the bridge, she took the turbolift down to the cargo bay in which they were temporarily housing those rescued from the passenger liner. Ethan had to admit that she had a small ulterior motive in coming down; one of the woman had seemed very familiar, and she wanted to determine if it was who she had thought it was. She had never met or seen the person before, but had a memory of the face. She also wanted to reassure all of them that they were safe, and be sure that the injuries were being attended to. Entering the cargo bay, she looked around. Terra was starting to breathe normally again. She managed to find a corner in the small ship's cargo bay and claimed a spot on the floor. A few minutes later, a medic came by and confirmed what she already knew. She survived the pirate attack with only minor bruises and one insignificant cut above her left eye. Being scared to death didn't count as an injury. There had been a time, less than an hour earlier, when Terra thought Phalen might have been right. Her "all knowing" twin brother had promised to keep her secret. But he was an unhappy camper when he found out what that secret was. "You've had some loony ideas in the past," he'd told her. "But this is the looniest by far! It's a bad idea, Terra. A very bad idea." The ironic thing about it was that neither of them gave any thought to something happening to her while in route to her destination. They certainly didn't consider the possibility of pirates attacking her ship. No, both of them were quite confident Terra would arrive safely. What really concerned Phalen was what would happen to his lovely twin sister when she finally made it to Aegis. Terra couldn't deny she was a bit concerned about that as well. But, unlike Phalen, she didn't think their older brother would kill her. Terra suspected Nick would be pleasantly surprised to see her. After all, it had been years since he'd been home for a visit. And, at age 28, Terra was a grown woman. If she wanted to traipse three quarters of the way across the galaxy to visit her brother, she was certainly free to do so. But there was more to it than that. Terra was a realist, if nothing else. She knew Nick would figure it out, probably sooner rather than later. And once he did, there would be harsh words and perhaps hard feelings. Their relationship might be irreparably damaged. She'd given it a lot of thought before she booked passage to Aegis. But there had never been any doubt what she would do. Even if he never spoke to her again, it was her duty to warn him. She loved him too much to remain silent. Terra glanced up and caught sight of the woman she'd passed in the corridor. The one called Hawke. She had just come into the cargo bay and was talking to a couple of the ship's crewmen. Terra pulled her knees to her chest and leaned against the bulkhead. She studied Hawke with open curiousity. "So this is the object of my brother's desire," she thought. "And the object of my concern as well." Ethan looked around the cargo bay, shocked and disturbed by the injuries and the damage inflicted by the pirates. She was also angry. Angry that they would do this. Angry that she couldn't find them. Angry that her past seemed to be repeating itself in some respects. But she determined to temper that anger... to put it to use. Pausing now and then to reassure a frightened passenger, she made her way through the cargo bay. Just letting them see her, a Starfleet Commander in uniform, should give them some reassurance that they were safe. Some, however, were angry at her. WHY had Starfleet allowed this to happen? they wanted to know. WHY hadn't the Pandora's Box arrived sooner. Unfortunately, Ethan had no real answers for that. She just reassured them as best she could that they were doing everything possible to catch those responsible, and that the Box had replied with all possible speed. She didn't stop to say that if they hadn't, the entire vessel would have been lost. With a short sigh, Ethan looked around again. The raw emotions in the large room were almost overwhelming: anger, fear, frustration, pain. She drew her shields more tightly about her mind to protect herself, like a warm cloak against a chill wind. She still needed to find the other woman. Finally, she located her in a corner of the cargo bay. Tempted as she was to lower her shields slightly to check the woman's emotions, she refrained, keeping her shields tightly closed. If she did, she'd likely end up with a monumental headache--one was already developing-- and the medical staff had more than enough to worry about without her adding to their troubles. Ethan strode forward, towards Terra. It was her... older than the image Ethan had, but it was her husband's younger sister. Ethan paused briefly. That made Terra her sister-in-law. Ethan had never had a sister before. Stopping in front of her, she crouched down. "Terra?" She couldn't quite mask the concern and frustration in her voice. The thought of what almost happened to this woman was too strong to allow her to be as calm as she would have wished. "What are you doing here? Terra had managed to gather a little information on Hawke before leaving home. She knew Ethan was part Betazed and a highly rated telepath and empath. She'd also seen a picture. The woman she'd passed in the corridor....the woman now kneeling in front of her was definitely Ethan Hawke. Terra drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Things weren't going according to plan. First came the pirates, now this. Terra suspected Hawke was looking for her the moment Ethan appeared in the cargo bay. She wasn't sure why. It was just a feeling. Terra had planned on her brother introducing her to the Commander. She didn't expect to meet Hawke under these circumstances and she wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation. "Be careful," she thought. "Don't let on that you know who she is. And whatever you do, don't touch her." Terra smiled politely. "I don't believe we've met," she replied, pushing herself to her feet. "But I assume you are Commander Hawke." Terra could have kicked herself the moment the words passed through her lips. She was supposed to act like she didn't know this woman. She simply had to exercise more restraint. The less she said, the better. But she quickly decided she might as well answer Hawke's question. Better to remain on friendly terms, at least for now. "I came to visit Nick," Terra continued, carefully guarding her words. "It was supposed to be a surprise." Ethan quickly got to her feet, and automatically extended a hand to help the woman to her feet. "I am Commander Hawke... Ethan, though, please. Well, Nick will be surprised." Despite the situation, she had to smile at that. The smile faded almost instantly, however, when she remembered that Terra was a twin. "Did Phalen come with you?" she asked, concerned, and looking around. Terra managed to avoid actually touching Commander Hawke. "Oh, no," she stammered, crossing her arms in front of her. "Phalen didn't come with me." Hearing the denial, Ethan relaxed slightly. "You look like you could use a shower and a change of clothes," she commented, indicating the damage caused by the attack. "Can I offer you the Captain's quarters?" She smiled again, "I wouldn't want your brother to think I had mistreated you." Forcing a smile, Terra shook her head slightly. "Thank you for the offer but I don't want any preferential treatment. I'll stay here until we arrive at Aegis. And if Nick gives you a hard time about it, please remind him that I can be just as stubborn as he is." Ethan blinked, surprised by the rebuff. She almost asked what she had done to upset her, but decided against it. Perhaps it was just the trauma of the attack, but even if not, the middle of a cargo bay full of refugees was not the place to discuss it. She nodded, also taking in the stance of this woman, who almost seemed to think Ethan had some kind of contagious disease that she would catch if she touched her, "Very well... but you are family, you know.. that deserves some preference." She frowned again, not sure what to make of this rather chilly reception, "If you change your mind, just have any of the crew contact me. We will be back to Aegis shortly, however, so perhaps it's just as well." She paused again, then sighed briefly, "I'm glad you're all right. If you need anything, I will be on the bridge." And with that, she turned and made her way out of the cargo bay. "Family?" thought Tanna, forcing herself not to speak the word aloud. She watched silently as Hawke walked away. After the Commander exited the cargo bay, Terra slid down the bulkhead and reclaimed her spot on the floor. "What did she mean by that? Since when did she become part of my family?" Closing her eyes, she leaned against the wall and considered this latest development. A moment later, her eyes flew open and she literally jumped to her feet. Had someone seen her, they would surely have thought her pants were on fire. Her mother told Uncle Kelain that Nick had gone to Pacifica at Christmas time and Hawke had gone with him. Terra fought down the panic now welling up inside of her. "Oh Nick," she sighed softly. "I hope all you did on Pacifica was relax and soak up the sun. Please don't tell me you married that woman."

A Joint log by Hawke & Ayers, takes place prior to the sim of 12/30. Ethan wakes slowly the next morning. She feels truly rested, and comfortable--more than she has in a long time. Something had woken her, though. What is it? In a rush, everything from the last couple of days comes back to her. She got married! They eloped while on vacation on Pacifica. Sitting up, she stretches. Then she realizes what had woken her: the smell of breakfast cooking. That explains the empty bed, she thought. {{Good morning, husband. You know, you're going to spoil me if you do this too often.}} She untangles her feet from the blanket, and stands. With a blush, she realizes the state of her undress, and, pushing the blush down, retrieves clean clothes for the new day. He enters the stateroom carrying a breakfast tray. He sets it down on a small table and then approaches her and enfolds her in an embrace before kissing her warmly. {{Morning, love. And while I won't make breakfast every morning, today is rather special, yes? Besides, I rather do like the thought of spoiling you when and how I can.}} He breaks off the kiss and takes a step back before glancing over her. He smiles faintly {{I trust you slept well?}} {{Quite well, and I can tell you did also.}} She marvels once again at the enjoyment both found in each other arms the previous day. {{Did we... really... do what we did? We got married...}} The whole suddenness is still surprising. She had almost been shocked when he came in, as she hadn't finished getting dressed. But she pushes that thought aside, and smiles yet again. {{So, did you have any thoughts for the day?}} He shrugs slightly {{You should probably finish getting dressed and then we can tend to breakfast before one of us...or both of us forget ourselves. After that...I'm open to suggestions. Though admittedly I am feeling a bit lazy. I'd be fine with just staying in your arms today. Not like we have anywhere we need to go and as the boat is still on course it's not like we can go swimming.}} He pulls out a chair for her and waits for her to sit down. {{And yes, we really did do what we did. I'll assume that's not a complaint on your part.}} He smirks faintly as he says the last. {{So what if we 'forget ourselves' again? We ARE married now, remember.}} She smiles, and continues dressing, then sits at the table. {{But it smells too darn good to let get cold. And no, it wasn't a complaint... more.. surprise at our.. spontaneity. We aren't generally the most spontaneous people in the galaxy, if you hadn't noticed.}} She pauses, then grins, {{I take that back... you did recently resign. We could spend the day figuring out some things, or just... forgetting ourselves.}} He sits down opposite her and starts working on his eggs. Briefly he's surprised at how hungry he is but then it didn't take much to remember why. {{Or we could just take the day as it comes and proceed with no real concious choice on our part. Though I will point out that we have been..figuring out some things to borrow your phrase.}} He smiles as he thinks that. {{I do have one question though. When we were..occupied there was something you thought..projected to me and I'm not sure I heard correctly. It sounded like 'Imzadi.' Did I hear right?}} Ethan blushes a crimson red, and glances down for a moment. {{Yes... I still am half-Betazoid, remember. We may have gotten married with our clothes on, but there ARE a few points of the culture I find... appropriate. I hope you don't mind.}} He chuckles {{Mind? Hardly. I know what it means and I rather like the thought of it and the sound of it. Granted the El Aurian culture isn't quite as..open when it comes to personal relationships but there are similar concepts. Being that to you pleases me as much as everything else. So..what else do you think we have to figure out? And what do you want to do today?}} {{What else don't we have to figure out? When we're going to tell our families. When we're going to tell the Admiral. How we're going to manage quarters arrangements. Whether or not we want children. When we can have the 'formal' ceremony.}} She pauses to roll her eyes. {{I don't know entirely about you, but I think the galaxy could do with a little less ceremony. And the name question... I mean, I'd have to get my jersey redone....}} {{Well we're going to have to tell our families at some point. Perhaps not right away but I think sooner will be better then later. As for a more formal ceremony, we don't have to have that but it might assuage some of the annoyance they're going to feel. Though maybe they won't be annoyed at all. And you know once the crew finds out they're going to want to throw some kind of party or do you think your former second in command of the security department wouldn't come up with such an idea? I'm not sure when we'll have to tell the Admiral and part of me is wishing that we never will have to. And like I said yesterday if you want to use your maiden name that's fine with me. I'm not so bloody old fashioned that I think you have to take my name. We belong to each other in the only place that matters....our hearts. Regarding our quarters, I presume we will continue sharing the same bed? Then it doesn't really matter which quarters we use or we could just proceed with your idea of knocking down the wall that separates our quarters.}} The smile that had been on his __expression sobers a little as he continues {{As for children...though granted I haven't up until lately thought about it I would like kids I believe. But I'm not sure even a station is the best place to raise a family. Especially a station in the position Aegis is. I would be fine with letting nature takes it's course on that but then I'm not the one that is going to have to bear them. I would point out that none of these are things we need to decide right away. While it's good that we start figuring some of this stuff out we should still make sure to enjoy ourselves, I think.}} {{I sure HOPE we're going to continue sharing the same bed! I wonder if a tight-beam phaser will cut through the wall.... We could kill internal sensors... As for kids, I think we need to talk through that more later. Do we call our families when we get back to Aegis? before we leave here? or not for a while? As for the day... have you ever done any fishing?}} He smiles and shrugs {{Well, it used to be that in the really old days couples didn't even share the same bed and I thought...}} He smirks teasingly as he thinks that. {{It probably would be better if we figured out a way to accomplish the..remodeling without resorting to a phaser. We could just put a door or something in or we could just have one of us move in with the other. As for our families and letting them know, lets wait a little while. No sense in bringing that part of reality into it right away when we get back. Would like some time to enjoy things. And yes, I have gone fishing before though not for a long time. So that will be fine. For now at least.}} {{We can catch us some lunch.}} She retrieves the fishing gear, and taking the last swallow of orange juice, heads up on deck. {{How else do you expect to get through that wall? Without it being quite obvious what and why?}} Sitting on the bench at the aft of the boat, she starts preparing her line. He finishes breakfast and cleans the table before following her. {{Fine, I concede the point. They're going to wonder why the internal sensors would be disabled though and it wouldn't take them much to figure out who did it.}} He sits down on the bench next to her and starts preparing his line. Once finished he casts the line and then sets the pole into a lock near the bench. He stifles a yawn and blushes "Perhaps I should have gotten some more sleep." He glances down at the ring on his left hand and smiles to himself. {{Tired? I have absolutely no idea why you'd be tired, dear.}} She smiles at him, and sets her own pole in the bracket next to his. She notices him glance at the wedding ring on his hand, and holds her own hand up as well. {{They do look rather nice, don't they? But I don't think we should keep them there. Kind of a dead giveaway to the crew.}} She reaches into her pocket and withdraws a small package that she hands to him. "I replicated these while you were cleaning up." In the package are two simple chains; one for each of them to use to hang their ring around their neck. He chuckles {{No idea why I'd be tired? Watch it, love, you may bruise my fragile male ego.}} He takes one of the chains and examines it. He slips it around his neck {{Yes, I suppose you're right. However, lets not make that change until we are on the way home at least. I know it is for a valid reason but it doesn't quite sit right that we have to do so. It makes me feel a bit like a teenager sneaking out to meet one's girlfriend.}} He leans gently against her {{Though there will be certain consequences when the others do find out...I will still look forward to the day when we can wear these openly.}} {{Same here. Though we should probably make the change soon, much as I don't like it either. But a tan line there would be just as obvious.}} She smirked, "And with the amount of sun I plan to get in the next 12 days, I think we will have a little bit of a tan. But I don't see it as sneaking.. I see it as keeping our private lives private. And respecting our families enough to let them be the first to know. With one possible exception: Muon. If anyone can help 'overlook' disabled sensors, she can." {{I'm not set on that, but, at the risk of sounding like T'Loren, it'd be logical.}} He nods "True enough. At least let me enjoy the feel of it being where it belongs for this day. And you're right about Muon." He chuckles {{You're presuming that I am interested in getting a tan. I could just burrow myself below decks. And don't go sounding too much like T'Loren there. If she were here I think she'd say what we've done is not really all that logical.}} {{Actually, she's such a romantic she'll probably applaud us. Rarely does she stick with the logic that her father's heritage would have her embrace. But... you want to stay below deck?}} She sighs, then shrugs, "I'll be lonely... I intend to swim and fish and perhaps do some scuba or snorkling. I didn't come to Pacifica to hide in a boat." He smiles and kisses her shoulder {{I think I can be convinced to join you in those pursuits. Wasn't really intending to let you out of my sight or too far out of my arms. But you are rather good at making me feel lazy, that really I would be fine with just simply this. If you wanted we could see to the swimming, snorkling and scuba where we spent our first night here. Was a rather beautiful and peaceful little island. Could also perhaps take a walk on it and sun ourselves on the beach.}} He glances at her fishing pole as something tugs on it briefly. Ethan sits up, looking at her line as the initial tentative tug becomes stronger. {{I would be quite happy with that island. I hadn't looked around much, but it did look, or rather sounded like there might have been a warm spring a little bit back from the beach.}} A moment later, the smooth surface of the water is broken up by the leap of the fish now firmly caught on her line. "Ahh... lunch has arrived." Standing, she moves to her pole to start reeling it in. He smiles faintly {{Well, your attention was on me at the time as I recall. And I'll set course back to that island once you've landed lunch there. Need some help?}} {{Actually my initial thoughts were ... on my own stupidity. But yes, later, I was watching you. And yes, you want to grab the net?}} She has the fish nearly reeled in as it leaps and jumps trying to break the line. "There's one other thing I think I'd like to try... if you're willing and up to it. It will certainly help reestablish the link." {{A meld should pretty much put it back in place... after all the rest of the connecting we've done}} {{How were you being stupid? And yeah, a meld is fine with me. Would very much like to get our link back in place fully.}} He stands and steps a few feet away to grab the net. he returns with it and waits for her to reel the fish in. {{Just the way I reacted.}} She gets the fish in close, allowing Nick to catch it in the net. "Have you ever cleaned a fish?" she asks. "I must admit that I haven't." "Yeah I have though it's not one of my favorite cooking tasks. Next time, love, yu clean your own though." As he says that he smirks. {{Don't worry about how you reacted. I wasn't mad..I actually thought it was something I did. And I think you rather made up for it since then.}} He glances at the fish in the net then back at the poles "We going to continue fishing? This one is probably about the right size for the two of us." {{Nah.. anything more would be wasteful. I'll take your pole down, then you can teach me how to deal with this... thing.}} About 30 minutes later, they sit down to a lovely lunch of fresh fish and a few sidedishes from the replicator. Just as they are finishing, the computer guidance beeps to let them know they are arrived at the island. He sees to clearing the table as he says "You may want to go change. And any problem if we check out the hot spring if its there while we're on the island?" He finishes cleaning the table then heads topside while waiting for her. She changes quickly, then grabs the blanket from their bed. Joining him topside, she comments, "You said you were tired... I thought we could grab a nap before the meld. That's not something I want to try when either of us is less than awake." Realizing this will put her in his arms, he agrees. They use the small raft to get to shore, so that the blanket doesn't get soaked, and hike inland far enough to avoid too much direct sun, and confirm that there is indeed a warm spring a short distance away. Spreading the blanket out, neither has trouble falling asleep with the peaceful sound of the ocean waves lulling them.

A Joint Log by Hawke & Ayers: Nick steps onto the deck of the schooner and smiles as he glances around. He inhales deeply, smelling the sea air and murmurs a quiet "Perfect..." He brushes his loose hair out of his face as he steps towards the aft deck, intending on checking the computer controls of the ship. He and Ethan had arrived several hours earlier, just before dawn on Pacifica. Their original idea was to simply rent a place somewhere private preferably with a beach on the ocean. It was actually her idea to go sailing, and while neither of them had much sailing experience, it really wasn't a problem, as the schooner could pretty much handle itself. And as Pacifica was a ocean world, there was plenty of sailing opportunities and plenty of privacy. Satisfied with the controls he turns and steps to the side, ending up leaning against the railing as he watches the morning sun. Even though it is morning, it is quite warm and, without a cloud in the sky, the weather promises to be perfect and the temperature tropical. He closes his eyes and listens to the sounds around him, feeling the splash of the salt water on his face as the schooner slides through the water. Ethan comes back on deck, having stowed their gear in the cabin. "Now THIS is nice. We should have done this a LONG time ago." She joins him at the railing, looking out at the horizon. "Everything is stowed. We're good to go for the week, assuming no freak storms." He smiles and leans against her gently "No..it's perfect is what it is. And the weather reports indicate the weather should remain perfect. I was thinking that perhaps we could find a island somewhere with a secluded cove and go swimming if you wanted. And yes, we should have done this long ago." He opens his eyes as he turns to face her. Reaching a hand out to brush against her face he adds "Though perhaps it is good that we are doing this now as opposed to before. Until recently we were both being rather guarded with our relationship, even with each other." He reaches his hand up to brush through her shoulder length hair. Nodding, she leans into the caress. "We... well, T'Loren gave me permission to start ... That is, I can..." She stops, frowns for a second, clears her thoughts, then says, {{What I'm trying, poorly, to say is that I'm allowed to do this again... though I'm not supposed to 'overdo'. But if you still want to rebuild the link, we can work on it.}} He smiles softly and thinks {{Of course I do. Why would you think that I don't?}} He shakes his head slightly and adds {{I've missed it as much as I missed your physical presence. Don't quite feel whole without it. Just tell me how you want to go about restoring it and when.}} {I just wanted to be sure. Didn't think that you didn't, but I also didn't want to assume. First step is to keep this up... verbalization should be limited. We can just take it slowly.} She sits on the bench at the side of the ship, pulling him down next to her. {{This is really, really nice... Can I ask you a few questions? Like, I know you have twin siblings... what are they like? How did your parents meet? What were you like as a child?}} He leans his head against hers as his hand searches out hers. He closes his eyes {{You can ask me whatever you like, love. My sister's name is Terra and my brother's name is Phelan. Growing up they were typical younger siblings. A mixture of humor with a dose of annoyance. When they were younger they liked to try and accompany me when I was out with my friends. They're currently at Oxford as graduate students. She is planning to be a scientist and he wants to be an engineer. Neither one of them has much interest in Starfleet though which is just as well. I think mom and dad would worry overly much if all three of their kids were in a profession where there was a potential danger. I do have some half siblings as my mom has been married a couple times before but I don't see them much as they're much older then I am and more spread out around the Federation. My paternal grandparents still live in Munich. As for my maternal grandparents, I've never met them. They were on the El Aurian homeworld when the Borg came. They didn't survive.}} He pauses for a few moments then continues, explaining how he was as a child, that he had friends but didn't have a lot of time to be with them as he had to concentrate on his studies and that led him to be a bit bookish. And how he and his friends liked exploring the ruins that were around Munich. And he tells her about the move to England and how he didn't like it at first. And he explains why he joined Starfleet and about the influence one of his uncles had on that decision. Finally he opens his eyes and turns his head to look at her. He smiles and asks {{Any particular reason you're interested in my childhood?}} She squeezes his hand, looking out across the water, {{No reason in particular. I just want to get to know you better.}} As he speaks, she stretches out her mind ever so slightly to catch glimpses of his memories. She sees a brief picture of his brother and sister, and the book-filled bedroom of his childhood. {{You are welcome to ask me the same. Just thought it would be kind of boring to sit on the ship and not really have anything to talk about. I've never been to Germany, strangely. You liked the ruins? Yet you didn't go into science?}} {{My grandparents still live there and I would like you to meet them sometime. And actually I did go into science. I was part of science until my last couple years on the Venture when I took over as Ops and Aidan became Chief Science.}} He closes his eyes again and recalls memories for her to see. {{And yes, I would like to know what your family is like and what it was like for you as a child.}} He turns slightly to face her better. {{Well, you've already met my father... sort of. My mother, Celeste, is human. She works for SF Security. Dad is an engineer. I... was a precocious child, I'm afraid. Frequently getting myself in over my head.. falling out of trees, getting into fights over something a kid at school THOUGHT about someone else. I had trouble learning to control even a child's version of telepathy, and I guess I was somwhat naturally a 'defender of the weak and abused'---probably because of mom's profession. I think I was 7 or 8 when I told her I wanted to go into the same line of work.}} He chuckles softly {{You still could be described as precocious. I guess we both decided fairly early what we were going to do with our lives. Your influence was your mother, mine was the uncle I mentioned. I think mom wanted me to become a musician originally and while I love playing it's more of a way for me to relax. Not sure I'd like to play Beethoven's 5th Symphony in front of a crowd of thousands, for example. And at times I was protective of my siblings in the same way you were protective of others as well, especially of Terra. There were a couple of fights I found myself in because of something someone said or thought.}} He pauses as he sighs quietly {{And perhaps sometime I think I should apologize to your father for lying to him or at least decieving him. Not exactly the first impression I wanted to make.}} He glances down at their entwined hands before asking {{I do have a question. What have you told them of me? If I can ask.}} Ethan's face takes on a rather embarassed cast. {{You can ask, but I'm not sure I have a good answer. I haven't said much--more because I wasn't sure how it might impact ...}} She struggles to find the right word, {{reality? I guess I was afraid that if word of our relationship got out, with them being so close to headquarters.. that they might decide to reassign one of us. So, I mentioned a 'man in my life', but I didn't really name names.}} He smiles briefly, {{Love, to put it simply, I go where you go until you tell me otherwise if that ever comes to pass. And your family is going to find out eventually. At least I presume they...that is if you...}} As he fumbles over his thoughts he feels a blush crawl up the back of his neck. He is sure of what he wanted for the future, the only real question is what she wanted. He turns his attention to the horizon, as if searching for something there. {{If I?}} she prompts him after a moment. {{Do you doubt my desire to have you in my life? After all that's happened? After suggesting we try to recreate the link we previously shared?}} She frowned, concerned that either he wasn't paying attention, or that he didn't believe her sincerity. He blinks and turns his gaze back to her. He smiles and shakes his head {{I don't doubt your sincerity or your wanting me as part of your life at all.}} He frames her face with his hands and leans in for a kiss as he murmurs in her mind {{I know what I want the future to be and I believe I know what you want, I was just fumbling over the words in my mind.}} He breaks off the kiss and adds {{My apologies, I didn't mean to make you concerned. Forgive me?}} {{Of course. So, what DO you want the future to be? You've said twice now that you know what you want, but you haven't said what it is...}} She smiled slightly, amused at his apparent reticence. He feels the blush return as he thinks {{Wait here just a minute.}} With that he stands and heads below-decks. He returns a minute later carrying a small thin wrapped box. Sitting down beside her he offers her the box. As she takes it he murmurs {{That someday I will give you a ring that matches this and everything that goes along with that ring.}} She opens the box, surprised to find a beautiful necklace inside. {{Wow. I don't know what to say. It's beautiful... but... why?}} He lifts the diamond necklace out of its case and then leans to slip it around Ethan's neck. After fastening it he kisses Ethan below the ear then draws back so he can look into her eyes. He smiles {{I bought it before the incident with the statue. Originally it was supposed to be my anniversary gift to you but it's also now my Christmas present to you as well. And the reason is simple, I love you. It's all the reason I need. What better reason is there than that? I take it you like it?}} Ethan just stands there, speechless for several moments. {{Anniversary? Anniversary of what? It's not like we're married or anything... or even really dating before this.}} She closes her eyes, suddenly feeling out of control of her emotions. She takes a small step to separate them, and speaks aloud, "I think I need to go below for a little while... I'm sorry." He blinks and frowns as he watches her head below decks. When she's out of sight he swears darkly, berating himself. He glances down at the box the necklace was in and resists the urge to chuck it overboard. Sighing sadly he stands and heads for the bow of the ship. When he reaches the prow he leans against the railing and stares out at the horizon. Unlike before it doesn't bring him any peace. It is simply an horizon, something to stare at as he sinks into his thoughts.

I think Seiben has been nipping at the Holiday eggnog a little too much. :P

Ethan had had a wonderful, relaxing day in the holodeck, spending time with Nick Ayers. She smiled waking up, though this time she was alone. Getting dressed, she thought about how glad she was to be back home. Gladder still that she was sane. She had an hour or so before she was on duty, so she decided to get breakfast on the Midway and take a walk around. Granted, the Midway was noisy, but there was a bagel shop tucked away in one corner that made the best vanilla bagels… A few minutes later, Ethan arrived on the Midway, and headed to her favorite breakfast spot. She stopped short, however, when she saw Megan Marshall emerging from a turbolift off to her right. That reminded her that she wanted to talk with the petite Marine woman. Veering that direction, she strolled up to her, “Lieutenant Marshall.” Megan saw Ethan approaching, saw the look on her face, and wondered if this was going to lead to yet another confrontation with security. “Commander… You look rested.” The muscles in Ethan’s jaw tightened, “My condition is none of your business. I just wanted to tell you leave the Captain alone. He’s got enough to worry about, without your hormones getting in the way.” Megan smirked… she couldn’t help it. It was just too funny. “I was sent here to work specifically with the Captain. He was the one that wanted to work in his quarters. My ‘hormones’ had nothing to do with it… though I think yours do.” As soon as the last phrase came out of her mouth, she regretted it. She had heard from Paradox how tough things had been for Ethan over the last few weeks, and consequently they had been difficult for T’Loren as well. She didn’t have a chance to retract her words however as Ethan lashed out a fist and punched her in the jaw. Megan reeled backwards, feeling the blood trickle down her chin from her split lip. She pressed a hand to her lip, but otherwise didn’t retaliate. “I suppose I did deserve that,” she said. She watched the anger drain out of Ethan’s face as she was caught off guard by the lack of physical response. “I don’t want to fight you, Ethan. And I’m not after the Captain. I just wanted to see him loosen up a little.” Quickly she held up her other hand, and took a step back, “Not in the way you probably think… He was so uptight, he couldn’t effectively build shields. By making comments, I just tried to get his blood flowing. He hasn’t been feeling since you left. That’s all, I swear. Marine’s Honor.” Ethan was surprised, but satisfied… Megan had invoked the one thing that reminded Ethan that she was, by virtue of her unique relationship with T’Loren, an honorary Marine, and that convinced her of Megan’s honesty: Marine Honor. She sighed, suddenly feeling stupid. “I’m sorry…” she began. Megan waved her off, “It’s fine. I did deserve it.” She smiled briefly, then winced as the movement pulled on her swollen lip. “Friends?” she asked, extending her hand. Ethan nodded, shaking her hand, and offered to buy her a bagel (To which Megan replied “Do they have salt bagels??”). They made a brief stop to get Megan’s lip taken care of, then went to breakfast.

DJ took a quick peek at the log before following Lieutenant Marshall into the CMO's office. She was certain she'd never met this woman before. It was a fluke she was meeting her now. If Mimi hadn't mentioned her name, DJ would never have given the Lieutenant a second thought. But now that they were on their way to her office, DJ decided it would be nice if she knew the other woman's first name. Hence, the quick peek at the log. Her name was Megan, Lieutenant Megan Marshall. She was a Marine and that's all DJ knew about her. She had no idea why Megan Marshall was on Aegis or how long she planned to stay. It didn't really matter. DJ was primarily concerned about how this woman and Nicolas Lepage ended up in a bar, then in a fight and finally, in the brig. The CMO settled down behind her desk and looked intently at her guest. Lieutenant Marshall was a very attractive, though short, woman. She seemed quite at ease, not the least bit perplexed about why she was there. DJ quickly surmised the Lieutenant was a quick study. She knew exactly why McKinny called her into the office. DJ decided to cut to the chase. "So, Lieutenant," she began smoothly. "How long have known Dr. Lepage?" Megan was rather amused at the doctor's inquiry, but refrained from showing it. Rather unusual, she decided to be just as direct, and answer the woman's questions. "Just a couple of days. We met outside the holodeck, and I invited him to my quarters." "Seems like the two of you are quite close, even though you haven't known each other very long?" Megan was rather amused by the question, and couldn't quite keep it from her expression, but shook her head. "No, I wouldn't say we're 'close'. He's a nice kid, and it seems like he's been through a really rough time lately, but that's pretty much it. We had a good time, but that's all it was. "A nice kid..." The description elicited a chuckle from DJ. She silently wondered what Nick would think of Megan's opinion of him. She doubted he considered himself a kid....nice, yes....but not a kid. One thing was for certain. Lepage would never hear any of this from DJ. "Would you mind explaining how you and Dr. Lepage ended up in a fight?" continued the CMO. Megan pondered for only a moment before answering, "I was investigating companionship possibilities on the Midway, when Dr. Lepage arrived, and asked to speak with me. The person that I had been speaking with prior to his arrival seemed to take the dismissal rather hard. I admit I wasn't as gentle in getting rid of him as I should have been, but Dr. Lepage seemed to be rather agitated, and I was mildly concerned. Like I said, he's a nice kid. So, I'm afraid the brushoff was rather.. a blow to the man's ego, and in retaliation, he sucker-punched the doctor. As any officer would, I came to his defense, especially when the man's seven friends showed up and tried to aid him." "Companionship possibilities. Now that's an interesting term," thought DJ. She'd never heard it phrased quite that way before. At least she's honest. On a more serious note, McKinny found herself wondering if Lepage had any clue how Megan really felt about him. Did he know she considered him a one night wonder when he risked his career to spend a few more minutes with her? Maybe he did. Men often allowed their brains to fall below their waists when females were involved. But those were questions for Nicolas Lepage, questions DJ doubted she would ever ask. For now, there were still a couple of answers she needed from Lieutenant Marshall. "While you and Nick were together, did you know he was on duty?" Megan shook her head, "I assume you are referring to when he came to the Midway to find me, and not to the evening we spent together. If that is the case, no, Ma'am, I did not, not until later. It wasn't until we were in the brig after the fight that he mentioned that he had told Dr. McKinney--you, I presume--that he was going to his quarters for something. When I stopped by Sickbay previously, it was more to see when he was going to be off-duty. I did escort him to his quarters after we left the brig, but other than another brief interlude with security, I kept our conversation short. I hope you will believe me, Doctor, when I say that I had no intent to keep him from his duties." That was a fair enough reply, thought DJ. Even if she wanted to, she simply couldn't find it in herself to blame Lieutenant Marshall for what happened. In spite of Megan's "nice kid" description of him, Nick Lepage was an adult, a physician and an officer. He made a conscious decision to leave his post to attend to personal business without authorization. Things took an unexpected turn and he found himself in a heap of trouble. He had no one to blame but himself. But, at least DJ now knew the facts regarding the altercation and Megan Marshall's involvement. There was only one more question DJ had for Megan. It really wasn't any of her business and she was pretty sure she already knew the answer. But she wanted to be sure. "Do you.....care about Nick Lepage?" Megan sighed briefly, then politely shook her head, "Doctor, I am married to the Marine Corp. I probably always will be. Anything else is just casual amusement. It may or may not help you to know that he wanted to see me again after he finished his duty shift, and I refused, and asked him not to come looking for me. As I said, I think he's a nice kid, but I think he's a little messed up right now. He needs friendship, and probably counseling, but I don't think a tumble in the sheets would satisfy either of those. I have no plans to see him at this point in time, and I will likely be leaving the station within the week." DJ nodded and smiled politely before standing. "I appreciate your honesty," she said quietly. "I can see you're a very dedicated officer." The CMO moved around the desk and stopped in front of Megan who was now standing. "Nothing personal," she continued, grinning. "But I'm also glad to hear you'll be leaving soon. I'm not sure my department could handle your being here too much longer. And I know Nick Lepage wouldn't be able to deal with it." "And that is precisely why I told him not to seek me out again. I hope you will see to it that he receives some counseling. Hearing about Hawke's death, even though it wasn't true, for which I thank the Powers That Be, seems to have really unsettled him. But don't worry, doctor, yours’ isn't the only department that will be glad to see the back end of my afterburners. Security seems to think I'm trouble-incarnate." She smiled, rather amused by that description. "As soon as Paradox and you think Ethan is stable enough, we'll be on our way." DJ motioned toward the door and the two women slowly walked out into Sickbay. The CMO extended her hand. "Thank you, Lieutenant. This has been an interesting chat. And I wish you the best on your next assignment, wherever or whoever that might be." Without any hesitation whatsoever, Megan shook her hand. She liked this doctor... as much as she liked any doctor. But she seemed to genuinely care about her people. For a moment, she thought about trying to recruit her to join the Marine's ship, but decided that the Captain probably wouldn't appreciate that. With a grin, she replied, "Thank you. Luck is always helpful. Hopefully, no offense, I won't see you again before I depart." And with that, she turned and exited Sickbay.

Still holding his hand, Ethan nods to Amnor and Muon, then heads for the door. Nick allows himself to be guided along. “I am sorry, I should have known...” he murmurs quietly. Ethan shakes her head, “No, it's not your fault.” “Perhaps. But I shouldn't have told Muon. Was hardly..proper. But then with where my mind was at the time...” He shivers in memory. “It's fine, Nick. Really. I'm sorry... I couldn't ... I couldn't live that way.” Nick sighs quietly, “That I understand. I can't honestly say for sure I wouldn't have made the same choice.” “I should have known you'd hear me, but with the link severed... I... If I realized... I would have called on the way... But we both slept most of the way.” Nick squeezes her hand gently, “I know. Please quit apologizing. No need for it. I am a bit surprised I did hear you actually. Though was more a dream...” He frowns slightly, “and yet knew it wasn't.” “I missed you,” she says, stepping into the turbolift. He steps in beside her, echoing her sentiment and turns to kiss her. After returning his kiss, she smiles slightly, “Where are we going?” Nick glances up at the ceiling, “Computer, senior officers quarters. My quarters do for dinner? Or did you want to go someplace not so private?” Ethan shivers slightly, “No, private is fine.” Nick frowns slightly at the shiver, asking if she's okay. She nods, “Yeah.. I'm all right. Just no shields to speak of... so lots of people would be less than ideal. And I'm not allowed to do anything non-passive for... a long time.” Nick nods, “Very well. My company going to be okay then?” “Your company is always okay,” she replies. Then she explains further about the non-passive part, when he questions it, “My brains did get scrambled... and they did just excise another katra... T'Loren says nothing beyond standard passive reception for at least two to three weeks.” A look of concern creeps across his __expression as he nods. Ethan continues, “She wouldn't even meld with me after I came to... Oh... and... um.... She said I'm likely to be a bit forgetful, due to the 'therapy' in the first place... and I can remember, so I may be a little short tempered... there might have been something else too, but I can't remember.” Nick smiles slightly, “You were rather short tempered before.” Ethan sighs, slightly frustrated, then smiles, “Well, shorter... I think I'll be taking a lot of 5 minute majors in the coming weeks...” Exiting the turbolift, they walk to his quarters. “I presume she is staying for a while then?” he asks. She nods, replying that she will stay a week. He nods, then has to ask, “Out of curiosity, what exactly is a five minute major?” Ethan smirks, blushes slightly, “A hockey penalty. Most often given for fighting.” Nick blushes as well, “Obviously I need to attend more of your games,” “To see me sit in the sin bin?” “Part of the game, yes. It's part of the game so why should you being there bother me if I came to watch? Granted, my own taste in sports runs more to the non team sports but have enjoyed watching you play before.” “But then I'm not skating,” she says about the penalties. Then a look of total horror flashes across her face, “Oh, NO! I left my skates on Vulcan.” “You took them with?” “Muon sent them along with me,” Ethan tells him. Nick chuckles softly, “I'll see if I can arrange for them to be sent here either tonight or tomorrow. I have a friend who is a scientist there who kind of owes me a favor.” Ethan smiles, “I've got a second pair... well, and a third to be honest, but those are my favorites. So, I should call Dad first.” They walk up to Ayers quarters, and he nods as they step inside. He turns up the lights, and turns off the music that he had been listing to. “Would you mind getting dinner while I call?” “What do you want?” he asks. “Anything not Klingon, and NOT Marine! How they can stand that stuff, I don't know.” “I think that can be arranged.” He walks to the replicator. “Oh, I think he thinks I was lying to him about something, which I was...kind of.” He frowns at that. “Not exactly the first impression I was hoping to make.” Ethan sits at his computer console, “Computer, open a channel to Jacob Hawke on Earth.” After giving the computer the necessary info for the call, she turns to smile at Ayers. “He's not the type to hold grudges, A Betazoid he is, but a Betazoid woman he is NOT.” “Good because the last thing I want is your family holding a grudge against me.” Ethan smiles back at him again, “Yes, I think that would be bad.” She turns back as the connection is made, “Dad,” “Ethan! I've been worried...” her father replies. Ethan nods, “Yes, dad, I heard. I just got back to Aegis. I'm all right. I'll call you tomorrow? and tell you what happened.” “You're sure you're okay?” “I'm better than okay, dad... But I'm hungry. I'll tell you everything tomorrow?” Jacob nods, “I love you, my child.” “I love you too. Hug Mom for me. I'll talk to you tomorrow.” She smiles once more, then closes the channel. Turning back to Ayers, she frowned slightly, “So, what were we talking about?” “Um, lets see. 5 minute majors. Ah yes. I was about to ask where you wanted to eat.” Ethan stands, walking over to the table, “Here is fine, unless you're prefer elsewhere?” She reaches for his hand again, “I missed you... did I tell you that?” Nick glances at the couch then to the table and moves to sit the food on the table. He smiles, “Twice now.” She sighs, “Did I mention that T'Loren said I'd probably be forgetful for a while?” Nick reaches with his free hand to brush against her face, “Then it is good that I have a good memory, yes?” He smiles faintly. “Yes.” She steps closer, leaning her forehead against his, “I.. Argh... I want to... and I can't....” “Reach out?” “Yeah, One minute I think I've got shields improving, then I get blasted, and then.. well, you ever go from a loud room into a silent one? You can't hear for a bit.” Her frustration was evident in her tone and body language. Nick nods, “It will come back, you'll be fine.” “But I want to hear one person,” she sighed. He smiles faintly, “Oh? I presume I know this person?” She smiles, “Probably... He's about 6 foot tall, with lovely long silver hair...” And raising her free hand, she runs her fingers through his hair. “Say something... in here?” She taps her own head. Nick leans into the touch, and speaks softly in her mind, “You probably didn't hear me respond at the time, but I love you as well.” Ethan exhales, relaxing, “Thank you. We'll have to take things slow... if you want to rebuild our link.” He nods, “I figured. And yes, of course I want to. Haven't been myself without it..you” “I'm sorry I tried to cut it in the first place... I guess.. I got a little scared. I've never been this close... to anyone except T'Loren,” she trailed off. He presses a finger to her lips, “No apologies.” Nick smiles slightly, “I kind of figured out that it was something like that...” Ethan smiles, kissing the finger still touching her lips. “Yes, sir.” She glances at the table, “Dinner is getting cold, and it smells far to good to waste.” Nick reluctantly steps back then moves to pull back her chair. “Always the gentleman,” she muses, sitting. Nick chuckles softly, moving to sit down in his own chair. He chuckles again and shakes his head. Ethan raises a brow, curious. “Nothing, was just thinking that was what Lt. Marshall said..” He pauses as he's about to take a bite of his food, thinking he may have just rammed his foot down his throat. “Lt. Marshall?” She blinks, “T'Loren's gunner?” He nods. “When did you meet her?” “She's onboard the station. T'Loren sent her to help me with something.” “With what? And what did she say?” Ethan asks. “I asked T'Loren to send someone to help me with some mental shields so my memory of the incident in the transporter room so it wouldn't affect you.” “Ahh...” She smiles, “No longer necessary.” “After she arrived she wanted to get a bite to eat so I showed her to Drankum's and pulled her chair out for her. And she said more or less the same comment you did when I pulled your chair out.” “Wait a second... Lt. Marshall, the one that T'Loren says is a heartbreaker across the entire Federation?” Nick considers, “That would be one description from what little I know of her, yes.” “And she was here... with you?” she says, a little jealous. Nick frowns slightly, “Not in the way you're thinking...” “And what way is that?” she snaps, then bites her lip, closing her eyes. “I didn't mean it that way...” She takes a couple of deep breaths, calming her emotions, “Was she able to help?” Nick nods, “Yes, a little.” He reaches across the table and squeezes her hand briefly, “I would hope you trust my fidelity. You know me well enough to know that is the absolute last thing I would do to you... In a few weeks when you regain your abilities you can search my mind if you want.” Ethan nods, taking a bite to eat, then looks back up at him, “I know. I... I guess I'm a little... hesitant in that area. It's not that I've never.... but it's been ‘in the line of duty’ for... years. I just need to take that slow.” Nick nods, “I understand.” Then he smiles briefly, “I rather think we have been.” Sheepishly, Ethan blushes, “Yes, I suppose we have. That's my fault... I haven't been with anyone for ‘personal reasons’ since the Academy, and then ... well, I was young.” Nick nods, “It's fine, Ethan. If we do, then we will when we will. I'm fine with that. And if we don't then that will be fine too.” Ethan blushes even redder. He arches an eyebrow, “I say something wrong?” He takes another bite of his food. “No... no... Just thinking it would be nice to enjoy it for once.” She smiles slightly. He smiles and nods, blushing a little as well. Clearing her throat, the blush now reaching her ears and creeping down her neck, she purses her lips. “Can’t now anyways, It’s too mental, Isn’t that pathetic? But if you don’t mind, I wouldn’t object to being held for as long as your arms will hold out.” He arches an eyebrow then smiles and shakes his head "I wasn't..." He shrugs slightly "How is it pathetic? It would be too much of a temptation to reach out, I think. Would be better if it happened when we can put all of ourselves into the moment, yes? And I think we're both tired enough that I don't think we'd be any good to each other right now. I don't know about you but I didn't really sleep last night. And I spent yesterday having my shields poked, prodded and pierced. And as for today..." He shrugs and smiles, changing topic by saying "As for holding you, as long as you want. I wasn't exactly planning to go anywhere." “That sounds perfect, I slept last night, but I didn't sleep much for the three weeks I was on Vulcan, nor did I eat much.” Her statement is supported by the face that she has clearly lost weight. She shudders once, closing her eyes against the flood of memories. “I almost wish I could forget that time, Having them all there, all of a sudden, It’s like being fresh from that mission all over again, I never really debriefed that one, never really dealt with it. They went straight to the block when I flipped out back on the station. Always, my telepathy helped me keep an even keel, this time, it was essentially my ‘undoing’, I think that's just as hard to accept and deal with as the actual events of what happened.” Frowning, he moves so he's kneeling beside her chair. He takes her hands and squeezes them gently before slipping his hands up her shoulders so they're framing her face. He looks up into her eyes and says quietly "You have T'Loren and your family, your friends and you have me. You're not going through this alone." He brushes the fingers of his left hand through her hair, "We'll get you through this and if you need to lean on my shoulder or on one of the others, that's what we're here for isn't it?" “I know, I just , don’t like this about myself. I.. feel like my life has been on hold because of all this, It’s just,” She exhales swiftly, “It’s just not fair!” She sighs, and looks into his eyes, “That's silly, isn’t it? And don’t tell me it’s not, It is. It’s ridiculous to rail at all this just because it’s not fair, I knew what I was getting into when I joined SF Security,. I knew the risks. I accepted them.” Tears well up at the corners of her eyes, though she tries to fight them down. She leans forward, putting her head on his shoulder as the first tears overflow and drop down onto his shirt. He slips his arms around her and closes his eyes briefly, thinking that she was right, it was unfair in a way. Because of what happened she got scared of letting anyone close, scared of trusting. And she is right, she did know the risks. But how could one foresee the depraved actions of a soulless individual and the consequences of those actions. He shifts his arms as he stands, pulling her with him. Gently he guides her over to the couch where he sits down next to her. He leans his head against hers and quietly murmurs "No, it's not fair and no, railing against it is not silly. I think only doing that would be though. You have a choice now that was denied to you before. You can resume your life and get to where it should be with me or whomever else. Or you can remain as you are but the choice is yours now." He tightens his embrace just a bit as he whispers in her mind "Whatever you choose I will be here with you." “But I can’t, remain as I am. No one can. We’re changing all the time, Everything we do affects who we are. I mean, I’m not the same person I was before you called out to me that one day, when you were trapped in the observation lounge, nor are you, I’d guess. But my past, will always be there. And yes, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that if you touch me, I’ll see his face instead of yours,” She swallows hard, unable to go on. Putting her head down, the pain and anguish of the last weeks finally breaks through the dam. The tears begin to stream as she sobs uncontrollably in his arms, weeping for the lost time, the pain, the violation--both the original and the attempts at healing. The despair in her heart threatening to overwhelm her whole soul, He turns and leans back against the end of the couch as he holds her. He murmurs soothingly "Yes, your past will always be with you just as mine is always with me. That's true for everyone but you can't let that past trap you. He is not part of you..not anymore. He can't control you any longer." He closes his eyes as he whispers in her mind "Stay with me, my love. We have a life to live, together. Just please trust me..in us." Slowly, over the course of half an hour, her tears slow. Emotionally spent, and feeling truly safe for the first time in weeks, she slips into sleep. He smiles and chuckles softly as he listens to her sleep. He murmurs "This I wish I would have foreseen so at least could have retrieved a couple pillows and a blanket." He briefly considers carrying her to the bedroom but decides against it, not wanting to possibly wake her. He brushes a hand through her hair before closing his eyes and waiting for sleep to claim him. His last thought is that he's liable to wake up with a crick in his neck.

This follows on the heels of Loss of Hope... T’Loren had been dreaming, but she awoke to a nightmare. Sitting up, she screamed, “ETHAN!” Even as she leapt out of bed, for the first time in years not immediately grabbing her sidearm or gear, she felt her sister slipping away. “COMPUTER,” she screamed, already half-blinded by tears, “Site to site to Cmdr Hawke. NOW!” Was it too late? Oh please, don’t let it be too late… It seemed forever before the beam gripped her, and she reappeared just outside Ethan’s cell. Another eternity passed before she could deactivate the forcefield and get inside. Ethan was crumpled on the floor, the open panel and live conduit above her. Rushing to her, T’Loren put one hand to Ethan’s cheek. It felt cool, but it wasn’t the skin she was seeking. She closed her eyes, reaching out with her mind to find Ethan’s. Footsteps outside the cell spoke to the fact that the sentry had returned. “Medical emergency!” the man called, causing the mobilization of the staff. He looked at T’Loren, sitting on the floor wearing only her underclothes, her hand touching the cheek of the fallen patient/prisoner. He knew the patient… she had been quite violent. But the tears on the Vulcan woman’s face told him that she had finally turned that violence on herself. Other footsteps came rushing past, jostling him. Quickly, he moved aside, watching. Another Vulcan woman crouched next to T’Loren, also reaching out her hand, and placing it over T’Loren’s. After a moment, she raised a brow, and looked up at T’Loren, “I would not have thought it possible…” “We must work quickly,” she continued. T’Loren looked up with the tears still coursing down her cheeks. “Work?” she was focused only on not letting Ethan slip entirely away. “The other.. is weakened. We can remove it.” “Weakened? Remove?” T’Loren wasn’t following. “Nevermind, child. Hold on to her. I will do the rest.” T’Loren nodded numbly. She could feel the deft mind of the elder woman as she wove into Ethan’s mind, even as it tried to slip away. Opening her eyes slowly, she was totally disoriented. Where was she? How did she get here? … Who was she? Hearing a soft noise off to the right, she looked in that direction. There was another woman sitting there, asleep. She was familiar… “T’Loren?” she said, a name coming to mind. The woman stirred briefly, then was instantly awake and at her side. “Ethan… don’t you EVER do that to me again.” The vehemence in her tone said she was not a person to be crossed. But then that tone softed, became kind and concerned, “How are you feeling?” Ethan… that’s right… Ethan Hawke, she thought to herself. Vulcan. Memories... the conduit… no hope…. Looking up at T’Loren, her face mirrored her confusion. “I… I… I can remember… but…” She trailed off, unable to find the words. “How…?” A smile lit up her bond-sister’s face, “T’Sana… She was able to slip in and remove the traces of his katra while I kept you from leaving… She’s still asleep. It was exhausting for her, but she did it.” “But then will she…?” “No,” T’Loren reassured her. They have a process on Vulcan to purge a katra. They have already done it. He’s gone. Totally, completely.” Another smile, “You’re free of him.” Shock warred with sheer joy and fear that perhaps they were wrong. But, she could remember the mission… but yet it didn’t fill her with rage. She blinked several times, not quite able to believe this turn of events. T’Loren nodded, understandingly. “It will take some time to get used to… you are likely to have a short temper for a while… well, shorter. And it will take some time for everything to settle. You know, you forgot one major thing in thinking that the current would scramble your brains… I’ve got a nearly perfect copy in here..” She tapped the side of her own head. “Now then,” T’Loren continued, “before you start doing anything… There are some restrictions on you… You are forbidden from trying to ‘reach’, or ‘listen’, or anything other than passive hearing. Your abilities will still be intact, I believe, but you aren’t to strain them. Clear?” Ethan started to chaff at the restrictions, but then sighed, knowing that if T’Loren were telling her, it really was necessary. “How long?” she asked with no small trepidation. “Two weeks… three maybe.” Ethan’s ire started to rise, “I’m not staying here that long….” T’Loren stifled a chuckle, and opened her mind slightly, to reassure, “No, I will escort you back to Aegis… I know that is where you want to be. I’ll stay for a week or so, to be sure you’re okay, then I’ll head back to my ship.” A genuine delighted smile appeared on Ethan’s face, “How soon can we leave?”

It had been a couple of days since Jacob had woken in the middle of the night, worried about his daughter, Ethan. He hadn’t said anything yet to Celeste, his wife and Ethan’s mother. There was no reason for both of them to worry… not that Celeste didn’t always worry about her offspring. But Ethan had been in some tight scrapes before, and after a few days, someone—usually Ethan herself, contacted him to say she was or would be okay. Those few times that no one called, Jacob would wait, then call her, to be sure all was okay. Usually in those cases, she had been fine, for the most part, and hadn’t realized he had sensed anything. This time, however, was somehow different. Something was really wrong. He waited until after dinner, then spoke to his wife. “Celeste, has anyone called in the last couple of days?” Being human, and not having any reason to think something was wrong, she was confused by the question. “Call? We’ve gotten several calls, Jacob. Anything particular?” “About Ethan…” he said, knowing she would understand what he meant. “Oh, is that was the other night was about?” she asked. Her face look on a look of concern, “No, no calls… I would have told you…” Jacob nodded, “I’m going to call…” To this, Celeste simply nodded. Jacob sat at his terminal, “Computer, open a channel to Sky Harbor Aegis, to Lt. Cmdr. Ethan Hawke.” “Working…”

Hope… What a rare commodity. How precious. How fleeting. And once lost, how devastating. Ethan had clung to that spark of hope for the last three weeks. But that spark had been crushed under the agony of defeat. They would not succeed this time. She could see it in T’Loren’s eyes… All their attempts, all the effort, all the pain… wasted, worthless. They had and would fail… not from lack of optimism or effort, but because it was an impossible task. With two memories now affected, so separated in place and time, the cancer that was embedded in them was able to spread. The ‘katra’, for lack of a better term, left in her mind by her dying enemy was too strong, it’s grip too firm. It was night now… It seemed fitting for what Ethan knew she had to do. She had no choice. The alternative was a living nightmare from which there could be no escape. The alternative meant the destruction of two lives. No, this was the only way out. Ethan remembered Nick once saying that if his choice was lose his empathic abilities or death, he would choose death. At the thought of him, a tear overflowed and slipped silently down her cheek. She hadn’t really told him how much she cared about him… loved him. She hadn’t let herself get closer… Inside, the voice in her mind laughed; ecstatic that she was miserable. It was that laughter that steeled Ethan’s resolve. She knew she had to work quickly, before the sentry made his next patrol. T’Loren should be asleep… Ethan hoped the adjustment wouldn’t be too difficult for her bond-sister. Ethan moved to the panel, digging her fingers in, and prying it off. It wasn’t designed to be removed, but Ethan was determined. Behind it were the power conduits for the base. Ethan was no engineer, nor doctor, but she knew enough to know that a few seconds exposure to the current coursing through those lines would be enough to stop her heart. A few more seconds and her brain’s electrical pathways would be hopelessly scrambled. Death would follow before T’Loren could reach her. It was the only way out… She couldn’t live like this. Taking one last deep breath, she whispered, “I’m sorry, Nick. I do love you.” Then, she reached in, and yanked the conduit open, feeling the current start to surge through her. “I’m sorry…” was her last thought.

A Joint Effort by myself & Captain Ayers Amnor taps her commbadge after receiving communication from an incoming fighter. "Captain Ayers to Shuttlebay One. M&M is on her way in. I thought you might like to meet her there, sir." Nick glances up from the book he's been reading as Amnor makes the announcement. Trying to read really..he had been on the same page for five minutes now and even with his eidetic memory he couldn't honestly recall what was written on the page, at least not without more concentration then he was able to muster right now. He was there physically, laying on the couch in the main room of his quarters but his mind was elsewhere, hundreds of lightyears away. He sighs as he swings into a sitting position on the couch and moves to stand. He taps his commbadge and says "Thank you Commander. Ayers out." He reaches for his uniform jacket as he heads for the door. A few minutes later he arrives in shuttle bay one just after the fighter arrives. He stops and frowns darkly as he regards it. M&M, as Amnor called her, was here to help Nick shield the memories of the incident with Ethan from her when she returned. And M&M was also here to help Nick learn to shield the darker memories in his mind from Ethan in case they might trigger the same sort of reaction in her. Letting someone inside his mind was not something Nick had ever taken lightly. Outside of family and the people that helped him learn to control his abilities, really the only person he had ever allowed inside him like that was Ethan. Part of him did not like the thought of letting a near stranger inside his mind but then the alternative..being unable to ever reforge the mental link he shared with Ethan was something he dreaded far more. The fighter canopy opens, revealing the pilot, though not much of her, with the armor and helmet obscuring the majority of her features. She removs her helmet, revealing dark hair. The pilot stand, and swings down from the fighter. With the boots that were part of her armor, she stands all of 5'6". The diminutive woman walks forward, smiling. "You must be Captain Ayers. You're cute." Stopping in front of him, she snaps a jaunty salute, "Lt. Megan Marshal, single, at your service, sir." If Nick had been in a better mood he would have blushed and chuckled at the complement. As it is, he arches an eyebrow and says "Thank you." He hesitates then smiles faintly "And yes you're right..I am Captain Ayers...taken. However, please call me Nick." He gestures to the doors behind him and says "If you'd like, I will show you to your guest quarters." Undeterred, Megan grins further, "I'd rather you show me to yours... but taken, eh? Hmm... If I'd like.... what are my other options?? To be honest, a place to strip and get something to eat would be higher on my list. I've been in that stinking Tigerhawk for a day and a half.... You owe me a shower, and a dinner, I think... to start with." Nick's smile settles into a smirk as he considers the rather flirtatious Lieutenant. Under other circumstances she might be an interesting path to explore but those circumstances were not the ones that existed. He nods slightly "Very well, I'll show you to your quarters and then I'll show you to Drankum's." He shrugs "He doesn't have the best cuisine but it's got to be better then whatever you had during your trip in your fighter." His smile disappears as he adds "And thank you for making the trip. I do appreciate it." With that he turns and strides across the hangar towards the doors. Megan, making far less noise than one would expect from someone wearing full armor, takes two quick steps to catch up with Ayers, reaching out one hand to swat his rear end as she falls into step next to him. "So, I hear from Amnor that you don't have any fighters.... With all due respect, what the hell is wrong with you? Or have you not noticed that you are on the 'wild frontier'?" He blinks and clears his throat when she makes her flirting bolder. Glancing sidelong at her as he says "It has been something I have been mulling. Even made inquiries concerning it but Starfleet is being its normal bureaucratic itself." He steps into the turbolift when it arrives and after she enters he orders it to take them to the guest suites. As the turbolift starts to ascend he turns to regard her as he leans back against the wall of the turbolift. He says "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly has Major Day and Commander Amnor told you about the situation here?" "Why don't you assume I know nothing, and tell me what you think I should know," she replies, her demeanor changing as they get down to business. "Approximately two and a half weeks ago a very large probe, shaped as a humanoid statue, arrived in system through means that have yet to be determined. It's been surmised that it can create its own wormholes. We attempted to scan it and it replied by accessing the station computers and downloading a portion of our database before we could even attempt to stop it. After it stopped, an away team was sent over led by Commander Quark, the Station's chief of Security. Eth...Commander Hawke was a little upset as she thought I sent Quark because Hawke was adamant that I not leave the station despite my curiosity about the statue. While most of the away team was beamed aboard, the statue somehow and for whatever reason prevented the security guards from beaming aboard. The away team, what there was left of it, proceeded to investigate the statue. When one of its members reported that he thought he was being telepathically communicated to, Commander Hawke, with permission, attempted to beam over to the statue. She was also blocked from beaming over by the statue. When the guards had been kept from beaming aboard they apparently had some sort of mental assault where they were made to see or relive their worst memories. The same thing apparently happened to Commander Hawke and she was also forced to relive or see her worst memory. Because of that she attacked Dr. LePage and held him hostage in transporter room one. With some effort Commander Hawke's cousin, Ensign Shephard, and I managed to defuse the situation long enough for her to be taken to sickbay. After Sickbay checked her out I attempted to have her escorted to her quarters and intended to station guards outside her quarters but she insisted on being taken to the brig. The rest you probably know." Megan nods, following Ayers out of the turbolift and down the hall to her quarters. "Okay, so that tells me what happened... but that doesn't really tell me why I'm here." Stepping into her quarters, she starts to remove her armor, carefully, deliberately setting each portion on the table with almost loving tenderness. "Why don't you tell me about that over dinner? Mind if I wash up quick?" He follows her inside as he nods "Go ahead. The washroom is attached to the bedroom which is through that door to your left." With that he turns and walks over to the windows which shows the planet and the stars behind. "I'm familiar with the standard StarFleet layout. You navy types are so predictable. Care to join me?" she asks with a wink, then scurries off to the bathroom, seeing that he is already deep in thought. He watches the stars for a few moments quietly before closing his eyes and sinking into his own thoughts. To be honest when T'Loren said she would send someone, he had been expecting a Vulcan or at least someone reserved. What he wasn't expecting was to have T'Loren send a...well someone like Lt. Megan Marshall. Barely five minutes, and a poorly sung song, later, Megan emerges from the bedroom, dressed in a standard Marine uniform. Striding over to her armor, she pulls out a Phaser pistol, her sidearm, and pushes it securely into the holster under her uniform jacket. She retrieves a couple of additional small items from her armor and tucked them into her uniform. Looking up, she can see Ayers still looking out the window at the stars. Very quietly, Megan walked up next to him, "Nick? Are you okay?" He sighs quietly and shrugs as he says "Yes..and no. I am...off balance right now..not wholly myself. A lot of it has to do with the reason you are here." He blinks his eyes open and glances down at her as he adds "Come on, you must be starving so lets go tend to that. And I will explain why you are here while you eat. I do have to ask one thing. What I am going to tell you is personal and private. And I want it to remain that way. And that also applies to what you will learn through the reason you are here. There are things I keep buried that you are going to learn about and that can't be helped." Megan gives him a gentle smile, "Would you prefer to tell me somewhere less 'public' than Drankum's, then? And don't worry about what I will 'learn'. I have trained myself to forget things like that. By the time I get back to my ship, I would have to seriously meditate to recall any details from your memories. Did you think Paradox would send someone that you couldn't trust?" He shakes his head and smiles "No, Drankum's will be fine. The fact that it is public will actually be helpful. No one there is going to be listening in as really no one there is going to be interested in it. And to be honest, being what I am, the crowd will help settle me. As for Major Day..by the way you can explain that nickname for her sometime please as I doubt I will get it out of Commander Amnor..the fact that she does trust you is the reason I am willing to extend you mine." He gestures to the door leading to the corridor 'If you are ready, lets go tend to your dinner. And while you eat I will engage in something of a passion of my people..story telling." He smirks and adds "Though I am afraid that it will not be a terribly long or interesting story." She steps out, following his lead, they walk back to the turbolift. "Which nickname? Paradox? That's her callsign, not a nickname. Like mine is M&M. Why Paradox? Because she is one--a living, breathing paradox. She's an emotional Vulcan, and before she turned Marine, she was a scientist. Can you think of any more fitting description?" Stepping out onto the Midway, Megan looks around. "Gosh, I feel a little out of place..." He smiles "Ah, I should have figured. And yes, as little as I know about her, that does seem a rather fitting callsign. Though it doesn't seem quite so incongruous for a scientist to become a marine. After all, I know one that became a Captain which is not really that much less of a stretch." He follows her gaze as she looks around the Midway. His smile broadens at her comment "To be honest, I still have not quite gotten used to this section of the station either. I suppose its all the incoming and outgoing people, the shifting voices and the differing minds." He guides her through the crowd to Drankums. Entering he heads for a empty table in the back corner, away from the majority of the other people. He pulls out a chair for her and waits for her to sit down before moving to the chair across from her. "Ah, such a gentleman. How rare a thing these days." She smiles kindly at him as she sits. "I'm not quite used to seeing so many people unarmed, though. I spend most of my time with the other Marines in my unit, so we're always armed to the teeth." A mischeveous look comes over her face as she looks around, "I suppose 'net checks' aren't considered appropriate here...?" He smirks "No..it's not considered appropriate. And we only allow the security guards or those on duty to be armed on this station. We are quite stringent about that. The last thing we need is, for example, a Klingon deciding to shoot a Cardassian over some drunken dispute. As for my being a gentleman, thank you. Mother was a bit...old school about that." He smile inwardly, thinking that there was very little old school about his mother..at least not in the common definition of the term. "So what did Major Day tell you about why you are here?" "Essentially, it sounded like you're paranoid... that you have a dark, mysterious past and that you're afraid your memories could trigger the new block in Ethan's mind to fail again. Even though those same memories, which I presume she probably touched previously, didn't cause the first block to fail. You also want to shield the memories of her actions in the transporter room, so she doesn't get curious. You know that T'Loren will give her a report of what she did... it won't be from Ethan's perspective, of course, but if she knows that it happened, she is fair less likely to go hunting in her own mind than if we all tried to pretend that nothing happened in the first place. So, she will have book knowledge of the incident, without the true experience... But the fact that she went berserk once has you all worried that you will do her harm in the future by the sheer fact that you haven't had a simple, perfect life. That pretty well sum it up?" He waits until the waiter has come and taken their order before he replies to what she said. "Not paranoid no..but fearful yes. And no..Ethan has not touched the memories that I want shielded. We have gone..."fishing" as she put it but I've kept certain memories out of that. The memories that I am worried that could trigger something are my memories of the Battle of Wolf for one. Though my ship wasn't directly involved in the fighting as it was part of the reserve fleet, we were involved in the last stages of it and also in the cleanup. I was on one of the teams that was sent to inspect the dead Starfleet ships for any signs of survivors...and any sign of the Borg. There were things there that I never hoped to witness or sense. People being captured...and "assimilated."" He says that word with a particular darkness..."by the Borg. There is one thing worse then feeling someone die..it's feeling them die inside but keep on living..in a way. And I already before then had a particular loathing for the Borg. I can't say that I was entirely in control of my emotions at that point in my life. And it was only through the watchfulness of two close friends of mine that I didn't go do something stupid...that I didn't act similarly to how Ethan did. And the other memory I want to be able to shield if need be is the destruction of my people's homeworld and the near extinction of my race." He shrugs "I do not have a dark mysterious past as you say. But there are things in my mind that I do not want becoming common knowledge, things that only my family and those closest to me have any right to know about. Ethan is one of those people but I do not wish to potentially harm her by whatever darkness exists within me." Megan nods, "I still think if she can handle a full mind merge with T'Loren, she can probably handle almost anything. But, it's not my call." She pauses as their meal is delivered, waiting until the waiter departs. After taking a bite, she continues, "Paradox sent me, I came. I am here to do as you wish. Just don't sell her short because you're being overprotective. And I suspect you have that tendency.... 'manners' can easily become controlling protectiveness if one isn't careful. NOT that I'm saying you have that problem, but I sense you might lean that direction on occassion. But, if you want to shield them, we shield." He takes a bite from his meal as he considers what she said. "Does that..tendancy exist in me? Yes, that I will admit. If I had to do it over again I would have taken her to the brig from the start instead what I did do. I did not need T'Loren chiding me on that, I had already recognized that one myself. I am mindful of that possibility within me and I know where it comes from and why it exists. And my memories of the Battle of Wolf and the destruction of my people's homeworld are my darkest memories. I cannot honestly say that if the opportunity arose where I had the option to wipe out the Borg in a heartbeat that I would not be willing to do that..and damn the cost. All I want is the ability to shield those memories if I need to. As it is now, she can break through my shields if she tries to. She's done it before. I do not want to keep that part of me from her, a relationship is built on trust and communication..especially between telepaths..but I do not want that harming her either." Megan smiles, "I think we can manage that... After dinner."

Another Joint log: Lepage & Hawke Lepage was in his quarters, at his desk, waiting for the connection to Vulcan to be opened. Finally a Vulcan appearing woman appeared on the screen. Straightening, Lepage spoke, “Greetings. I wish to talk to Commander Hawke please.” She inquired what it was regarding. “I am doctor Lepage and I'd like to talk to her about...well the incident before she can't remember anything.” The woman nodded. “Ah, Doctor Lepage... Very well, since it's you... But I have to warn you that you can't talk long. The strain involved in keeping her emotions under control is great.” He inclined his head slightly, replying that he understood and thanked her. “One moment please,” she said, and a second later, the ‘hold screen’ appeared. Tapping his fingers on his desk, he waited. A moment later, the screen cleared to reveal Ethan. She looked terrible, sporting one black eye, and deep circles indicating she hadn’t been sleeping much. With a look of concern, he greeted her, “Commander.” Hawke smiled slightly, “Not for long, I fear. What can I do for you, doctor?” Uncertain, he replied, “I wanted to...well talk.” “I'm glad you called. I owe you an apology.” “You don't owe me anything. I talked to Commander Amnor. She told me what happened. And by the way she also suggested I call. I didn't even know you were gone.” The strain showed briefly on her face, “I do, though... I tried... I really tried to... and I'm sorry I made a joke about it…” Lepage leaned back in his chair, “That's all I needed to hear.” “I... I don't know what else to say... things aren't looking good right now. If I had known... had realized that this might happen... I wouldn't have stayed... I'm really sorry. I put my own desires ahead of the safety of those around me, and you paid for it,” she apologized. He shrugged, “Well, in the end it was just a broken wrist, right? I mean, I know what I said and at first I was angry but I thought about what happened.” He shook his head, “I just wish there was something I could do.” “Don't let this affect your outlook...” she replied, “if you can. and perhaps get some additional hand-to-hand training from security?” She smiled slightly, “Just in case.” Lepage grinned, “Maybe I should ask Commander Quark for a phaser, too. At least once you're back on the station.” “If I come back...” she replied, her smile fading. “Yeah, I was trying to sound positive. I for one hope you will. You need to keep your promise,” he told her. She frowned, clearly trying to remember, and finally asked what he was referring to. He gave her a look of mock exasperation, “The hockey game, commander!” “Hockey...” Frustrated, she sighed, “I'm sorry... I .. I just don't remember.” He pointed at her face, “Yeah you look like you're more into boxing lately.” Hawke sighed, embarrassed, “My sister did that... trust me, I deserved it. but there are a lot of similarities between hockey and boxing.” Lepage frowned, “Your sister? Sounds like one should be careful dealing with your family. I'll make sure to avoid Ensign Shephard.” He smiled. “T'Loren is my bond-sister. We're not related by blood. She's getting tired, though, so we should probably finish this. This is really hard for her.” Nick nodded, “Alright. I'm glad we talked. And Commander, I hope you'll be back with us soon. I'm sure I'm not the only one.” “Thank you, doctor. I appreciate that. Do me a favor and tell the Captain I'm sorry?” she asked. “I will,” he promised with a smile. She thanked him, and bid him good-bye. “Good-bye and take care of yourself,” he replied. She nodded, then cut the channel. Lepage stared at the screen for a moment, before finally reaching over to turn it off.

A Joint effort by Amnor & Dr. Lepage. Amnor left the CT in capable hands, and stepping into the turbolift, headed down to Sickbay. Lepage looked up from his report when he heard the doors open, and looked confused, “What can I do for you...er...Commander?” “I believe it is customary for new crewmembers to be subjected to the torture of a physical?” she replied with a smirk. Lepage grinned. “Oh, you've come to the right person then. I'm the master of the dungeons and torture chambers. Just sit down over there,” he indicated a biobed, “I'll be right with you.” She sat where he pointed, while also telling him that she was due for her allergy hypo. He frowned, “Allergy? I fear I've not read your file, yet.” Explaining that she was allergic to felines, she offered a datachip with the relevant information. He took the chip, setting it on the desk before turning back to her, “I believe we haven't met, yet. I'm doctor Lepage.” “Commander Amnor, the new XO. A pleasure, Doctor.” He looked exasperated, “New XO?” Amnor raised a brow at his reaction, “Yes. Perhaps you have noticed that Lt. Cmdr Hawke is no longer on board?” He shook his head, replying that he had been ‘preoccupied’. She nodded, “I see. Sickbay can be like that, I've heard.” Lepage swallowed hard, “I don't believe it's sickbay. I trust you've heard about what happened with Lt Cmdr Hawke.” “Of course I've heard. That is why she's no longer on board. I received a full report on the incident. Her departure troubles you. Why?” she asked after hearing him curse under his breath. “If she had to leave the station that means there definitely is a problem,” he replied with a shrug. “I would have thought it obvious that there was a problem,” she said wryly. “I know. I had just hoped it wouldn't be that big a problem.” Changing the subject to her stated reason for visiting, he asked, “Anyway...when was your last physical ma'am?” “Two weeks ago,” she replied, but wouldn’t let the other topic drop, “The fact that she attacked a fellow officer, in and of itself, made it a big problem.” Lepage nodded, “I suppose not much has changed in two weeks but I'd like to be thorough. She wasn't herself.” He was mumbling to himself, “Something that made it all the more difficult for me.” “How do you mean 'more difficult'? Have you seen the counselor yet?” she asked with some concern. He sighed, “No I haven't had time, yet. I'm not even sure it's necessary.” Amnor raised a brow at his response, then spoke, “It is necessary, doctor. Of that, I have no doubt. Consider it an order, if you must. But MAKE the time.” He wanted to argue, but thought better of it and simply agreed. Smiling slightly, Amnor added, “I will follow up to be sure you comply, by the way. If it helps to know, she wasn't 'herself'... she was reliving a memory in which she had been in mental combat with another telepath, and the other person died during that combat, leaving a portion of himself in her mind. The memory was blocked, but apparently the failed transport somehow caused the block to fail.” Completely forgetting the physical, he sat down on a biobed facing Amnor, “I didn't know. You see...I don't blame her for what happened, really. I was sure something had happened to her. I suppose I understand better now.” “I figured it might help. If the therapy they are doing is successful, she likely won't even remember the incident, so she won't be able to discuss it with you,” she explained. “Good thing you told me. I might have been in for a surprise if not.” She watched him as he stared at the ground, lost in thought. Finally looking up, he asked, “What do you suppose how long the treatment will take?” She shrugged. “I don't know. a few weeks, a few months... hard to say. I'm not versed in the inner workings of the mind.” Lepage nodded, with a “Hmmmm...” Suddenly, he remembered the physical, “I'm sorry ma'am... I don't think you've got all day to sit here and...euh...chat. Felines, you said, right?” “Don't worry about it, doctor... if you need me to sit here all day and.. 'chat', then that's fine,” she replied with genuine compassion and concern. Surprised at the reply, he almost blushed, “I get quite some attention lately--Doctor McKinny, my sister now you... I think I'm whining a bit too much. After all it's just a small bruise and a broken wrist.” Amnor raised a brow, shaking her head slightly, “Having been in a mildly similar situation, I know it wasn't just a bruise and a broken wrist. Even if you don't blame her, it was a violation of trust, and a glimpse of your own mortality. If you don't want to talk about it, though, that's fine, too... but getting everything worked out in your own mind is not 'whining'. You are a StarFleet officer, and you are valuable. Your mental wellbeing is just as important as your physical wellbeing.” He sighed, “I don't think the problem is getting ‘a glimpse of my own mortality’. As you said I'm a starfleet officer and like all of us I know things can happen out here and you might not get back home. The problem is more that I never expected to be attacked by a fellow officer.” She nodded, “I know. That would be the 'violation of trust' part. Unfortunately, there are times that people are not who they appear to be... and when they do things that hurt someone, it is harder to remember that it wasn't the person it looked like.” “Uh huh... I think I could have handled that though.” He shrugged, “She came to talk to me here in sickbay after the incident. In some ways what happened then was worse than the incident itself.” She prompted him to continue, but still he hesitated and looked back at the ground, “She started laughing about the whole thing. Needless to say I didn't feel like laughing at that time.” “I'm sure you didn't... and I doubt she did either. Keep in mind, she wasn't entirely herself. The remnant of the other person was still there, and that may have been the part that found it.. funny. I do know that when she left Sickbay, she demanded that she be taken to the brig. Knowing Ethan as I do, I imagine she was embarrassed, in part, but she knew that everyone around her was in danger.” Lepage shook his head, “All I expected was a simple apology. Maybe she just didn't know what to say. Anyway...I wonder whether this whole thing could have been prevented.” Again she prompted him to continue. He looked back up into her eyes, “Well, we knew what happened to the other four men who tried to beam aboard the statue. And if I remember correctly I warned commander hawke against trying to join the away team. Maybe if I...” He sighed, “Who am I kidding...she'd never have listened to anyone.” Amnor chuckled slightly, nodding slightly, “You are probably right about that. She does tend to be stubborn. But what occurred was not your fault... nor hers. The only sure way to have prevented it would be if she had resigned from Starfleet after the original incident, instead of attempting memory suppression. She knew there was a risk that the block could be broken... but I doubt she realized how close it would take her to becoming her worst nightmare. If she had known, she might have resigned... she may take that step now.” Lepage grinned, “I hope she won't. She promised me a hockey match.” Amnor rolled her eyes, “Her and her hockey...” He smiled, “It makes her an easy prey for us doctors.” “So, you admit you are planning revenge?” she said smiling. The smile faded, “On a serious note, it might not be a bad idea for you to contact her on Vulcan... if they haven't finished yet, perhaps you can tell her how you feel.” “I'm not planning revenge...I'm just your ordinary doc delighting in physicals. Thanks for the suggestion maybe I should really contact her.” Amnor nodded, “You should. Now, then, yes, felines.” Lepage jumped off the biobed and picked up a hypo with anti-histamines, “So they sentenced you to duty on Aegis.” She smiled, “You could put it that way. I was on this station when it was still being built.” “I see. At least you won't get lost all the time like me when I first arrived.” She tilted her neck slightly, and he administered the hypospray, then picked up the tricorder again. He started scanning, “Wow, the tissue scan shows you've been in some trouble.” She smirked, “I've been in a LOT of trouble in my life, doctor. Which part are you referring to?” Lepage raised his eyebrows, “The one that caused the extensive scar tissue in your lower abdomen.” She nodded, acknowledging that trouble was an appropriate term while not elaborating on any details. “Looks painful to say the least. And it certainly makes for an interesting story.” Finally, he shrugged, “I'm sorry to tell you this but you are fit for duty commander.” “It's not painful. It's been that way for.. over 15 years. Thank you for the hypo... though I understand there aren't currently any Caitians on board... I used to have one in my department... and if things got chaotic, and I missed one... It wasn't pretty.” “Thanks for taking the time for the...little chat. Next time I'll make sure I'll have tea and cookies,” he said with a grin. “I could bring cookies, if you would like... I haven't had much time to cook since joining Intel.... but being here, I suspect I will have a little time off for that and some kayaking.” “I wouldn't count on it if I were you. Since I came aboard I've hardly had the time to sleep,” he replied. With a smile, she asked him how he had planned to make it to a hockey game. He shrugged, leaning a bit closer and whispered, “Sneak out while my chief's back's turned.” She smiled, nodded, then stood, “I should get back to the CT... before they blow something up. Thank you for the update and the sneeze prevention. Be sure to make that call.” He thanked her for her time, and reminded her to come back for her next hypo on time. She nodded, “See you next week.” And with that, she exited Sickbay. Lepage looked after Amnor as she left, “Interesting.” He walked back to his desk and sat down.

"Captain, please stop acting like a child. This station is in crisis, and like it or not, I am still your XO. We can talk about transfers later, but for the moment, we really need cooperation." Ethan pushed the thought out, pushing through his shield against her. Obviously he was quite upset by her mission from the Admiral. Still, it hadn’t been her responsibility to inform him, nor, really, her decision. Granted, the Admiral hadn’t forbidden it, but they had been a little focused on other things at the time, and he hadn’t granted permission either. He calmly responds "I am not acting like a child, Commander. Right now I am busy and I do not have time." He pauses slightly then adds "Nor have I forgotten that you are this station's Executive Officer but apparently it was forgotten that I am this station's Commanding Officer. But as you said, this is a crisis situation so that will be dealt with later. As for transfers, do not be concerned about that....that is my concern. Now...I have a job to do. And so do you." He closes his eyes briefly as he concentrates. He quickly rebuilds and strengthens his shields, leaving himself again alone within his own mind. She could sense his anger, even though he suppressed it. She knew him too well for him to truly hide his feelings. She thought about his reply, that it was his concern about transfers. Perhaps he had already requested that she be reassigned. It was a possibility she faced with great anxiety. She didn’t want to leave. She had to admit that she had serious feelings for the silver-haired Captain. But if her ‘mission’ had marred their relationship to the degree that it seemed to have at the moment… then he wasn’t the person she thought he was. That thought quickly broke off when the room seemed to tilt. Ethan was glad that no one was looking at her. She carefully stood, and turned away from the personnel on the CT. Calling over her shoulder, she said, “I will be in the Captain’s ready room, catching up.” She grit her teeth, and crossed the open space. There was a replicator in the ready room. She really ought not have contacted the Captain as she did so shortly after having probed the Prime Minister. She reached the doors, and was grateful that they opened. Stepping inside, she moved slowly along the wall, glad that no one had seen her. The replicator was just a few feet away. If she could just get herself another restorative drink… she’d be okay. Just a couple more feet. She started to call out her order, but couldn’t seem to get her voice to work. The room tilted again, sideways, the floor rushing up to meet her. Her body was trying to shut down. She had pushed herself too far too quickly. She tried to rise, pushing her hands against the floor. Barely six inches later, her arms gave out, and she collapsed onto the cold floor again. “Nick…” she whispered. Her last thought was that there was no way he’d hear her with his shields so firmly set against her. Then the blackness overwhelmed her senses and she slipped into unconscious oblivion.