Keb

Lt. Commander Keb’s Log, Stardate 501507.20 Admiral Atragon-9 has left me in command of the bridge. At least, I’m pretty sure it was him this time; his doppleganger removed a very convincing disguise that included the admiral’s exosuit in front of me, and this A9...felt true. He is now leading a meeting with senior staff in Ten-Forward to explain everything. Benjamin Harris, the man who the men masquerading as A9 and Admiral Sovak answer to, is waiting on the observation deck, apparently unguarded. A9 is being curiously agreeable to his suggestions, given all that’s happened. I don’t understand why A9 trusts him, but for now I am going along with it because--well, because it is A9. Erich’s mistrust makes sense; he saw through the false A9 before I did. Still, it hurt that Erich was unwilling to trust me; you’d think that knowing your girlfriend’s every thought and emotion would help--though when I’m feeling too much, I know it overwhelms him. I might start another mutiny if he gets charged for resisting the fake admirals. Erich was just trying to protect the ship. Crazy and frustrating as it’s been...it’s also kind of sexy. Ahem. The bridge may be nominally in my control--and thus A9’s, as it should be--but the admiral asked that Harris’s guards, the ones that his doppleganger ordered onto the bridge, remain, along with the men who were disguised as the admirals themselves. They are armed. If they weren’t, I think I’d kick the one who was parading himself around as A9. Jerk. Crystal has her eyes on them, but my stomach is still spinning. I’ve taken the precaution of locking helm to my voice command. I told A9 we were staying put, and I don’t want the dopples or their men breaking my word. Only a few of us are here. If Harris’s men try to take control of the bridge, I’m not sure how the battle would turn out. My side’s still healing and I’m no Kansas with a phaser. For the first time ever, I wish she were here. I just realized something important: Where is Admiral Sovak? The dopple who had replaced him removed his disguise, but Sovak did not come aboard with Harris and A9. Surely A9 knows what happened to him; otherwise, would he have been so calm? Harris had better have a really good explanation for all this. Too many people have been hurt or killed. A9 said that he believes Harris’s cause is worthy, but I’m struggling to see how it could be worth what we’ve been through. For now, we will hold position until things are sorted out--to my satisfaction, because I’m driving this ship. Computer, end log.

Nobody was listening to Keb’s pleas for sanity as Manticore’s crew fractured. Erich was barely responding to her as she tried to understand what was going on: why had he dumped the core, and why was Admiral Atragon so angry, so eager to have Erich and all engineering thrown into the brig? It frightened her, the way the admiral commanded security to take any measures necessary. It reminded her of how he’d set his weapon to kill when they’d retaken the ship. It was bad enough when it was a group of unknown strangers who had attacked them first; this was Erich, the man she loved whom she knew to be as loyal to Manticore as she was. A9 sent Sovak to prepare the brig, with the vague and ominous suggestion that he knew what to do. “What are you going to do to them?” A9 didn’t respond. Desperate to ensure Erich’s safety, she grabbed the admiral’s arm. “What are you going to do to Erich?” she demanded. A9 gritted his teeth, like a growling dog, as he glared down at her. “I’m throwing them in the brig for insubordination. Do you have a problem with that, Lt. Commander Mizu?” he barked. “Now please take your hand off of me.” She pulled away from him as though burned, staring in terror at the man she used to idolize. His supposed death had felt to her like losing her father might, and now she barely recognized him. She feared him, and what he might do to Erich. Keb gazed through moist eyes at the admiral she’d once so admired. She had been so eager to prove herself to him, and to be honest she hadn’t been much use in the battle to retake the bridge--in part because his behavior had so unnerved her. What had changed? Only a little more than a year ago, he’d been a tortured prisoner on Titan for months. Keb recalled how gaunt he’d seemed when she first saw him after his rescue. He’d had a year to recover, but he’d spent most of that time away from his ship—as they’d been trapped in the endless time loop that had nearly driven Erich crazy. Maybe that was why this change felt sudden and strange to Keb; perhaps it was a latent effect of everything that had happened. That was the only thing that made sense. She felt like her heart was breaking, torn between her loyalties to Erich, the ship, and the admiral, and she didn’t know what she should do. She made a weak attempt to regain helm control, but engineering had her locked out. All she could do was warn Erich, through their mental link, of further danger. So she kept an eye on A9 as he sent a ship-wide com declaring that he was taking matters into his own hands, wondering if he was well, wondering just what that horrible man on Titan had done to him. Four armed prisoners from the brig took up positions on the bridge. Remembering her vows to prove herself to A9 back when he’d first returned from death, Keb fumbled for her phaser to protect him. A9 was unperturbed. He tapped his comm badge, saying, “We’re ready, Sir.” Two figures beamed onto the bridge. Keb turned at the sound of the transporter, and her phaser dropped with a clatter to the floor as she realized that there were now two Admiral Atragons on the bridge with her.Now who was she supposed to be loyal to?

Helm’s Personal Log, Stardate 51502.07: Erich had to go to sick bay for a checkup and said they wouldn't let me stay with him, so I'm stuck here and can't even focus on work. We've been together so much in the last four days that we're hardly saying a kind word to each other anymore, or even thinking one. We had a silent lunch together and every time I met his eyes, he looked away. When he left for sick bay, I thought I’d give him a kiss goodbye, but he pulled away before our lips could meet and ran out of the room as if sick bay were Risa. I know we’re sick of each other’s presence. Yet, if this keeps fate from catching him, I have to stay with him, at least for two more days. And...if it doesn't...if the video feed does come to pass...how could I bear to have missed a single moment with my soulmate? I almost lost him once before, when he was shot on Titan. I can’t lose him now. Maybe everyone thinks I'm crazy, but I think I'd be crazy to risk losing him. Even if he is driving me crazy.

Beran Faldek sat in security, trying to submerge his feelings in work. His eyes were on a report, but his heart wasn't in it. Looking harried and distressed, with her hair only quickly brushed and her face still damp from a quick washing-up, Keb Mizu entered security quietly, twisting the ring on her finger. The letter he'd left her on the PADD, saying that they could not continue together, kept running through her mind. Her mind kept answering, "No!" She glanced around security, her eyes darting like a nervous animal's. Faldek heard the door open and looked up at the sound. It only took him a moment to register who had entered the department. He stayed in his seat, across the room from her. "Hello." Keb tried to answer. She tried to say his name but her voice stopped working right in the middle of the word. Her throat was too tight; there was too much emotion behind the name. It caught there in her throat. She tried again. "Beran…" The security officer stayed calm, as if she were just an ensign interrupting his work with a question. "What I did was for the best…" he said, watching her reaction. The room seemed to be swallowing Keb. She heard the echoes of her father's voice. "It's for the best," he had said. It was better for them to be apart. She shook her head, fighting both of them at once. "No…no…you can't…" Her hands were clenched at her sides; she wanted to pound on his chest until he was more sensible than her father. Her quiet answer didn't even seem to stop Beran's thought, though. He continued in his calm voice, a tone of finality. "I hope that we can still be friends, best friends, but I will not come between you and your family." The decision had been made, and that was that. She walked over to him, her skirt fluttering softly with her steps, still shaking her head. "You don't get it, do you? I want you to be in my family." "I understand that this will hurt but only for a time. I overheard your parents talking, and I feel that it is in my best interests to not be involved in this sort of situation in which I will always and forever be hated by your father for the acts that I committed in my previous lifestyle." Keb couldn't even hear a hint of emotion in Faldek's voice. She stopped dead in her tracks at the coldness of his statement. "You're not even giving him a chance to get to know the real you." "He does not want a real chance to get to know me." Keb couldn't argue with that. She looked away in shame for a moment. Until he'd heard about the engagement, she'd never had any reason to be ashamed of her father—he had always been a wonderful father, a good man, a good ambassador, and before that, a good Starfleet officer. No one could have accused him of anything other than working too hard. Yet, when he'd discovered that his precious daughter wanted to marry a Cardassian, all this pent up hatred had come out. For Keb, it was a strange side of her father that she didn't know how to deal with. For everyone in her life now, it seemed like a perfectly good reason to hate him back, no matter what his reasons or his other good qualities were. Now it was driving a wedge between her and Beran, which was just what the ambassador wanted. She couldn't deny Beran's words; they were true. After a moment, Keb answered. "Well, fine, maybe he doesn't. Forget him. This isn't about him. Dad's not the one wearing your ring." But Faldek remained unconvinced. Still in his steady voice, he continued. "On Cardassia if a father does not approve of the person's mate, and is as adamant as your father is against the union, then it would not happen. You are always wondering and asking about Cardassian traditions, and things of that sort, so there is one tradition. I would rather not be completely uncomfortable in the presence of your family. I would rather be alone." His words stung Keb, but she tried to see it from his perspective. She took a step closer, putting her hand on his arm. "What did Dad say to you? It must have been awful..." "He didn't say anything to me. I overheard him and your mother speaking in the kitchen. I was outside and I heard talking, then it turned a little louder. Your father was very adamant about me not being around. Even how uncomfortable he was with a killer in his home. I understand why he doesn't want me around." Keb sighed. How could he say these things so directly, so calmly? She sought out Beran's hand with her fingers, looking for some comfort. "He shouldn't have said that...but it doesn't matter. We don't have to be there. It's not how I feel about you, Beran. Doesn't that matter more?" Faldek neither responded nor pulled away, except in his answer. "It does... but also think about this. We are special operations, and this last mission... what if I were to die? We lead a dangerous lifestyle, and it's scary that I could lose you or that you could lose me, and how devastated you would be. I saw your reaction on Oppo... I do not wish to put you through that again, and again." She tried hard, but completely failed to control the tears flowing from her eyes. Her voice was cracking again as she remembered the sight of Faldek after days of worry. "One of the happiest moments in my life was when I saw that you were okay, Beran. Maybe it's worth the risk." He stopped, thinking long and hard, looking directly into her eyes. He could see the love that she felt for him. Something inside shifted, but he was still cautious. "If we do this we get married before leave is over..." "You mean…right away?" she asked, looking back at him through blurry, damp eyes. Her voice was wavering. He shrugged. "I mean there're six days left for leave, and it needs to be before those six days end... is that right away?" If she was going to be his, she needed to be completely his. Keb glanced down for a moment, thinking about what her parents would say, and remembering how she felt when she didn't know whether she'd ever see Beran again. "It'll startle some people...but I don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you because of something happening to you--killer robots, crazy accidents, anything--but I don't want to lose you because of what my father thinks, either. It's you I want to be with, and build a family with." "Then we will be married before the week is out... we need to let people know... want it to be small or should we invite the entire ship?" She found the strength to smile at him. "I don't care. Invite everyone, I guess." Her eyes went shifty. "We'll have to invite my family, too." Beran shrugged. "Your father can attend if he wants. I'm sure if he doesn't Captain Sovak would give you away..." Keb nodded softly. "I guess..." she answered, and then looked down for a moment, serious. Then she looked up with a huge smile on her face. "Oh my goodness--I'm getting married!" Beran finally smiled. "Yeah... so, know any good places to have the ceremony?" "What about right here on the ship?" she replied after a slight pause. "Nah. Make it someplace nice on Earth... maybe like a national park or something... The Cochran monument in Bozeman?" He gave this suggestion a moment's thought and then rejected it. "Nahhh--too cold." "Maybe a cathedral? I wonder if we could get one on short notice." Visions of her white gown colored by light streaming through stained glass windows flitted through Keb's head. "I am not a member of any human religion... We'll figure it out." Beran stood up and hugged Keb tightly. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, the rest of the universe fading into a distant void. "I love you," he said quietly.

Ambassador Mizu sat down in the waiting area for the transport’s arrival gate. He slumped a little in his chair, stretching out his long legs. It wasn’t as if there’d be too many people around likely to know him, so he didn’t have any reason to put on his ambassadorial manners. He was looking forward to seeing his wife, but at the same time, he was dreading it. In no language known in the universe, save for in sarcasm, could his interview with Keb and her Cardassian fiancé have been called “successful” or “pleasant”. It was probably the worst fight he’d had with Keb since she had been a teenager. Maybe hormones were the problem once again, but it didn’t make the situation any more tenable. She had always been a stubborn mule with the patience of…well, if he was perfectly honest with himself, she’d inherited her father’s own impatience level quite completely. The obstinacy, too. That’s why it was so important to protect her from her own weaknesses; he knew exactly how dangerous they could be, and how necessary it was to overcome them. Yet, his wife, Hannah, didn’t seem to be of the same opinion at all. When he’d taken leave and gotten on the transport, he had assumed she was on the same wavelength regarding Faldek. They had discussed it at length, and Hannah had definitely been worried. But when he contacted her after seeing Keb, she was all kinds of angry at him for going. “Of all the idiotic, insane things to do! I could have told you it would never have the effect you were looking for. This is Keb we’re talking about. The other kids might listen to you that way, but she won’t. She never has. You always had to bribe her to get her to do anything for you. I doubt you’ve got a bribe better than a man she wants to marry. And really! If you’d told me you were going to Risa, you could have brought me along. Or I could have told you what a stupid idea it was. Honestly, I’m surprised she didn’t slap you for this.” The ambassador kept glancing at the exit, hoping that Hannah wasn’t planning to do exactly that when she disembarked. It had been really difficult to get her to stop ranting at him on the screen, and she hadn’t really calmed down until he agreed that she could come to Risa and join him. The door finally opened, and a handful of vacationers streamed out. He stood only when he finally caught Hannah’s eyes. He gave her a discrete, brief kiss, and then winced. She didn’t slap him. She just took his hand, with the patience that seemed so natural for a teacher. “Roland, you silly man,” she said. “It’s about time you brought me to Risa.” “This isn’t a vacation, Hannah.” “I’ll take what I can get. I want to get something to eat, and then I want to finally meet this Cardassian who managed to win Keb’s heart.” The ambassador smiled a little, holding tightly to his wife’s hand. Sometimes he forgot that she was his better half.

Keb waits patiently for Helmguy and Faldek to finish docking the ship at Station R-6, staying close to Faldek the whole time. After finishing the docking operation, Faldek turns to Keb, while looking at the object in his hand, "What's this, and why was it so urgent that you had to grace me with your presence?" he smiles. She hops up on her toes to give him a kiss on the chin, and then glances around the bridge, where Helmguy is leering at her. "I'll tell you when we're alone. Don't lose it." "Uhm well... I think my job here is done, perhaps we could talk now?" He looks at her questioningly. Keb glances at Captain Sovak for permission, and then pulls Faldek by the hand towards the turbolift. He is pulled to the turbolift, but only because he is allowing himself to be pulled; the door closes behind him. Keb rocks back and forth on her feet, looking a bit nervous, and unusually saying nothing. "Are you okay?" Faldek looks concerned. Keb looks up at him with glittery eyes. "Umm, yeah...I think so. I guess." He blinks at her a few times. "Right, so did you ever send off the communication we made for your parents?" She bites her lip, watching him. "Um, yeah." She looks impatient for the TL to get them to the crew deck. "And... have you gotten a response?" Faldek looks at her, with a half stupefied look on his face. Keb looks away from him guiltily. "Um, yeah." She motions toward his hand. "That's...what I need to talk to you about." He takes her hand, looking slightly uneasy, considering she is not all giddy and giggles."This can't be good." Keb tilts her head, still not meeting his eyes again. "Um, yeah." He just looks at her. "Lead on." Nodding, she clasps his hand and leads to his quarters, which are a little closer to the TL. Once they're inside, she gives him another kiss. He returns the kiss, his hands drifting below her waist, and uh... well doing what hands do below the waist during a kiss. "So, that was pleasant." Then she smiles, pulling away from him. "So, yeah, my dad answered already. He said Mom's looking forward to meeting you." "But he isn't?" Faldek is slightly perceptive about certain things, and loves to listen to words and play on how they are said to figure out the real idea behind the conversation. Keb looks down at the floor, still nervous. "Um, well...no, he didn't say that at all. I'm sure he'll be glad to meet you. I mean, you are going to be his son-in-law, after all." She swallows, looking for the right words to say. Faldek just looks at her... he turns and sits at the console in his room, and plugs the data crystal into it, turning on the viewer. Beran's actions panic Keb. "Wait...let me tell you what it is, first." However, she is too late, as the files had already started to appear on the screen; these computers are not nearly as slow and grumpy as computers were back in the 21st century. Carefully turning her face away from the screen, just in case something comes up she shouldn't see, Keb hurries with her explanation. "Dad sent me your personnel files. He...he figured I ought to read them and know what they said if I was going to marry you. I haven't looked at them yet." "Ahhh, so he's trying to make sure you want to be with me knowing my past..." She nods, following up with another "Um, yeah." Then she meets his eyes again, still avoiding the screen. "Jami said I was probably right not to look, though." "She was probably correct. I understand how your father feels, with my prior occupation and his prior occupation..." "That's why I gave them to you. Because I...I want to trust you to tell me what I need to know." Faldek takes her hand, "Anything you ask, I shall tell you." He looks at the screen. "Pffft, typical Starfleet UNtellignece... they got this one all wrong..." Keb giggles. "I didn't even think of that. You might have to explain a few things to Dad when you talk to him." "Well, since we're being honest..." Faldek reaches into a drawer, pulls out a data rod, and hands it to Keb. "This is all the dirt on your father back when he worked intelligence." Keb looks at the rod. "Dirt?" Faldek looks at the screen with his files on it and points, "Dirt." She shakes her head, laughing. "Nah. Dad's about as straight as they come." "That's what you think. Not everyone in the intelligence community does what we do." He takes the one she gave him and hands it back to her. "Read it if you wish, and if you have any questions or concerns you know where to go." "I won't. But I want you to keep it so I don't get tempted, Beran. Please?" She hands both crystal and rod back to him. "I do have one question though." He accepts them and puts them away. "What's that?" "What do you think your family would say about me?" "Most Cardassians are slightly if not very xenophobic when it comes to... making a life with someone of another race. They would not be ... happy and would probably disown me." Faldek answers with utmost certainty. Keb listens and then looks down sadly. "Oh..." "But that's neither here nor there; my mother died long ago, and, well, my father died 10 years ago... so I have no siblings... It's not anything to be worried about." He comforts her. "I'd like to think I could've grown on them a bit..." she says, welcoming his embrace. "Mostly to make you happy." "I am happy."

Keb pulled her shirt off in the darkness of her room as soon as the door closed after her shift. “Computer, lights,” she said, reaching into her closet for something more comfortable. Perhaps something more feminine, too; she was planning to catch Faldek for a meal. She picked a soft blue dress that draped over her figure, let her hair down, and then checked her room console as she brushed it into gentle curls. There was a reply subspace message, marked private, from her father. Ambassador Mizu’s graying beard and eyes that were curved just like his daughter’s came into focus on the console screen. But he wasn’t smiling. “Keb, your mother and I just got your message. I ought to start with congratulations and so forth, but I’m really very concerned about this. Are you absolutely sure that this Cardassian is a suitable match for you? How much of his culture are you familiar with? His history? While you’ve sent a few messages about him before this, I must say your news came as quite a shock.” Her father’s recorded image paused as he collected his thoughts. “I don’t really want to pry into your personal business, Keb, but given recent events in the Cardassian system and some of my dealings with their representatives to Starfleet in the past, I felt I had to look into this. I’ve found Beran Faldek’s personnel files—it’s really quite disturbing. I haven’t shown your mother yet. She’s been fluttering between consternation that you haven’t introduced your fiancé properly yet and plans for the wedding, but I know she’s worried about who he is, too. I think you should read the files I’ve enclosed; it contains some classified information, which I’ve been given permission to release to you. If you’re going to marry the man, you have every right to know it. I’ll respect whatever decision you make, of course, but I believe it ought to be an informed decision.” Keb glanced at the attached files with dread. “Your mother and I love you very much, and we want you to be happy. Be careful out there and come see us soon. Dad out.” The image froze, and Keb looked at her father’s face, biting her lip. Beran had been honest with her, hadn’t he? With everything he’d already told her, what could he be lying about? And yet, wasn’t it a betrayal of his trust to read those files? Her natural curiosity was battling with her affections, both for her family and for him. She hadn’t been sure she wanted to have a counseling session, but her father had just made it even more imperative. She decided to wait before looking at the files, at the very least. She downloaded them onto a small data crystal, just in case someone hacked her files for some reason, and strung it into a necklace. Tucking it under the collar of her dress, she closed her father’s message, nervously twirled her ring around her finger, and left her room.

Keb enters Faldek's room, smiling at him after her shift. Faldek looks up from his desk, putting down a PADD. "I had quite the day today..." He looks at her. “Wanna hear about it?" Keb nods, wrapping her arms around his torso for a hug. "Sure. We need to compose the message for my family, too--but you can talk first." He hugs her, and starts off with something of a sigh."Ensign Crystal is spending some time in the brig for insubordination." He shifts a little. "Also Lt Cdr Kenickie and myself have been put in charge of watching the Romulan on board to make sure she isn't Tal`Shiar." Keb sits down on the edge of the bed. "And you guys have to find out who sent that message. We were so close, and it's not like it could have been that urgent--I've waited this long to tell my folks I'm getting married!" "I also found out that according to my sources the Annexation of Bajor is coming to an end." Faldek doesn't really seem happy or sad about that Bajor thing. "Speaking of the unauthorized communication, my only job was to make sure it wasn't the Romulan who sent it." "She seems nice enough," Keb shrugs. "Are they really ending the occupation, then?" "According to my sources, the Annexation has become too violent, and no longer worth having Bajor as a member of the Cardassian Union." Faldek put emphasis on the word “annexation”. Keb rolls her eyes. "Not surprising. I wouldn't want to be occupied, either. You have seen some of the federation reports on Bajor, haven't you? It's horrible. No offense, but the whole thing was rotten from the start." Faldek stands up, letting Keb off of his lap. "How much do you actually know about the Annexation of the B'hava'el system?" He starts to walk to the other side of the room. "It was entirely legal by law." Keb shakes her head. "What law?" "Obviously, you are naive. We went there 50 years ago, offering peace and an improvement upon their backward lifestyle. Caste systems, they didn't know how to use their resources to their full potential. We offered to help them, and their government signed a treaty allowing them to be Annexed to the Union." Stated rather matter-of-factly. Crossing her arms over her chest, Keb said curtly, "Yeah, but they weren't given a choice, and the people of Bajor had even less of a say than the coerced leaders." "After we imposed our laws on the citizens of the Annexed B'hava'el system, they started rioting, and attacking Union soldiers. That's when they ended up becoming punished and treated as they had been. Don't think for a moment that we have never done this before, or even to our own people, you must understand during that time Cardassia was starving, literally, millions died from famine; Bajor is lush and full of resources." "According to the treaty that was signed everything that happened on Bajor was legal, by the laws of the Union. I won't deny that perhaps they may have been too cruel, but thousands of soldiers have given their lives for some backward people that can't even get out from under some stupid belief system." Faldek looks almost disgusted. Keb stares at him for a moment. "You are. You really are. You're defending one of the worst humanitarian disasters of our time. I don't care if they are your people, the whole occupation was wrong, and even your government is managing to admit it enough to end it--and you're still defending it!" "They're only ending it to stop the crazy murderous Bajorans from killing more Cardassians. I was there on assignment in the past. I was changed to look like a Bajoran, and trust me, I know all about what they think. You're lucky you don't know certain things about me." "If I'm going to be your wife, maybe I should know. You can't just do things like that to people, and then say it was legal so it's okay." "It was legally sanctioned by my government and our laws. You do not want to know how many people are dead because of the things I've done." Faldek starts to look slightly remorseful, and sits on the bed. Keb stands across from him, looking at him like he's a stranger. "Why not? Is it okay on your planet to keep secrets from your spouse?" "When it comes to state security yes, however I am not a member of the Cardassian Union anymore, but I know you don't want to know what I know, and what I've done." Still looking remorseful. Her eyes narrow further. "Fine, so you're going to treat me like a child. Pretend I can't make decisions for myself. I can so make decisions for myself, and maybe I'll just decide you can have this stupid ring back." "No, wait. If you must know... I am responsible for 17,691 deaths throughout my tenure in the Order." The news seems to stun the helm officer. She looks at Faldek just blinking for a few moments. "Seventeen...thousand...?" Faldek hangs his head in shame. "I did it all for the greater good of Cardassia, I am sorry for some of it because I know innocents got killed, but most of it was designed to save Cardassian lives, and I never killed anyone unless it was properly sanctioned by the Order..." His voice trails off and he stares at the bulkhead. Keb almost falls to the bed, losing her balance with the enormity of it. "There are inhabited planets that don't have that many people on them..." "I'm sorry I never told you any of the details, but it's not exactly a great topic of conversation." He moves over to try and comfort her. Though normally someone who could use a hug at a time like this, Keb shies away from him. "You said you'd killed people before...but...so many, and intentionally? How could you?" "I told you, it was sanctioned and legal for me to do so, and I didn't kill them all once, sometimes it was just a few, sometimes it was a station, sometimes it was a resistance cell..." Faldek frowns. "I guess I will take my leave of you." He turns to and heads for the door. Keb tries to stand up, but still feels floored. "We're in your room, Beran. And...I'm not done talking yet. I need to talk about this--I need to understand. Otherwise...otherwise how can I even think about building a life with you? This is part of who you are, isn't it?" Faldek stops, realizing that he is in his room. "Ahh right..." he takes a seat."Well I obviously cannot change the past, I was born into this, you must understand that from the age of 12 I was trained to be in the intelligence community. Cardassia has a certain type of politics. We are expected to put the state first, then everything else. When I found out that had my father killed for sympathizing with the Bajoran issue, and wanting to withdraw, they had him silenced and that’s why I defected." "But you keep saying, 'It was legal.' You know legal doesn't make things right...and vice versa. I mean...it's not exactly legal to fly into Romulan space, but I did it, because it was the right thing to do." "My destruction of a d'Deridex class construction facility helped slow production of their most devastating vessel, thereby saving lives in the long run, but of course also postponing the inevitable, but you must understand that I did everything I did, at that time because I was brainwashed into believing it was all for the greater good." Keb gives him a skeptical look. "Brainwashed?" "Ever since you are old enough to go to school on Cardassia you are taught that the State is more important than anything, and if the State tells you to do something, you have to do it, or you will suffer than consequences, and dishonor your family... my father was a key member of the Detapa Council, I could not dishonor him." Twisting the ring on her finger and looking at it, Keb gives a faint nod of understanding. Family is a motivation she can well understand. "How can your whole people operate like that, though?" "You are familiar with forms of government aren't you? I mean, did you ever get involved in political sciences at the academy? Perhaps also being familiar with Earth history... Cardassia uses an extreme form of Fascism, also the form of government used by Nazi Germany, back in Earths 1930's and 1940's. It's the same principle..." "Yeah, and you know what we get taught on earth about the Nazis?" Keb looks up at him with a bit of the fire returning to her eyes. "They're pretty much synonymous with 'evil' in our language. There are piles of books about what they did, because it's so unbelievable--even in context of their time. They're our prime example of how Not to Run a Government." "I'm not defending the form of government Cardassia employs, I'm defending myself in the fact that I lived in that government, and there was nothing I could do about it. My only point out of all of this, is that granted I regret most of things I did, I believe that the Annexation of Bajor was not entirely wrong, that Cardassia is not entirely to blame for what has happened there. The Bajorans regardless of what their people thought, signed a treaty to become a member of the Union, and when they started killing soldiers, they broke the law, and that's why things went down hill. I wish you could understand at least that part of the whole ordeal." Rising from the bed, Keb walks up to Faldek and stands directly in front of him, looking up into his eyes. "This isn't about Bajor or Cardassia really, is it? It's about you and me. Are you different from the Cardassians who think what happened on Bajor, or what happened to your family, or all the people you killed, is perfectly all right because some law says it's perfectly legal, or not? What are you going to do with me if your duty conflicts with us being together? What are you going to teach our kids? Who is it that I am engaged to?" "I only do what I do, to make sure that where I am is safe. If the Federation were to give me a choice to go back into clandestine work I would decline. I am happy where I am, and I fully believe in the form of government the Federation employs. What happened on Bajor is very soon going to be history and doesn't need to be repeated. This last mission we were told to cross the neutral zone, which is an act of war. We are technically in the military... the Navy of the stars. We sometimes have to kill people, to defend ourselves and the Federation. My job was similar but the law and rules were somewhat different. I would never go back to that life given the choice." Keb watches his eyes as he speaks, her expression deadly serious. Then she unexpectedly wraps her arms around him, pressing her head up to his chest. "I'm sorry, Beran. I needed to hear that. I know you didn't have a choice then." Faldek welcomes the embrace, and silently lets a tear fall down his cheek, wrapping his arms around Keb. "I'm glad this got sorted out, I don't know what I would do if I lost you..." He thinks for a moment. "What do we tell your parents I did, before defecting to the Federation?" Keb looks up at him. "We tell them the truth. Maybe not everything, but they ought to know the truth. They're going to be your family, Beran." "Ahh... hi Mom, hi Dad, this is my fiancé Beran; he's a lieutenant commander like me, on the super tug Manticore, but before this he was an intelligence operative for the Obsidian Order..." he shakes his head. "Uh, I guess that could work.” Keb grins. "We don't have to tell them first thing. They can get to know you a bit first.” She runs her fingers over his shoulder ridges idly. "We should do something else, too. For the people who died. Yours...and mine." “What do you mean, do something for the people who died?" “I was thinking, some kind of memorial. To acknowledge their lives were important, too. I still haven't had a chance to do anything for the people who were killed in the collision after we got back from Andromeda." Faldek blinks. "All right, well then we should probably get started..." He takes her hand in his. "I love you." Keb bites her lip, squeezing his hand. "Love you, too."

The transport to Manticore was sudden and just in time. Keb found herself still clinging to Faldek tightly, sitting on his lap on the floor of the transporter room. It took a moment to realize what had happened, but when she did, she let out a squeal of delight and kissed her chair with joy. As she had said, she wanted to be first in line to have her Romulan appearance removed. She didn’t quite make it, but it also didn’t take long for her to be restored to her human appearance. Faldek, on the other hand, took a lot longer. Keb watches anxiously nearby as his procedure is completed. Faldek walks out of the procedure room, finally feeling at home in his own skin, and on his ship, the familiar vibrations of the Manticore humming through his boots. First he spots his betrothed anxiously awaiting him, he walks to her and embraces her, passionately, not caring who is around or may see. "Keb, it's so nice to be back into my own skin, and see you in yours..." Smiling, Keb pulls away from his embrace to look at him properly. The change in his appearance was rather extreme; he really looked like a different man, save for his height and his eyes. It was breathtaking and reassuring at the same time. "It's good to have you back, Beran," she says in a quiet voice, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head against his chest. Beran leads her away, out of sickbay, and toward Keb's quarters. "I am famished. I could really use a meal and a nice hot shower." Faldek looks at Keb, wondering if she concurs with him. Keb nods. "Yeah, I need to get this straightener gunk out of my hair so it'll curl again. Why don't you take a shower first, and I'll get some food replicated?" Beran looks at Keb, "Why not at the same time?" He has a genuinely naughty look on his face. "I think the food can wait a little while, don't you?" He seems as if he's in hurry to get back to Keb's quarters. Keb blushes brightly. "I didn't know you wanted to see that much of my own skin," she jokes. "Anyway, we're not exactly married yet..." Beran looks at Keb, "I was unaware that marriage had to happen." His culture did embrace marriage and couplings of people, not to mention the fact that they thrive on big families; however, not as a pre-requisite for intimacy. "Are you a member of a certain faith that does not allow..." he lets his voice trail off. Keb looks at the line where the carpet met the wall of the hall as they walk. "Not exactly," she replies. "But I always believed that some things ought to be part of marriage only. Otherwise, what makes it special?" "So a certificate makes something special? I figured that the way you felt for someone and the feelings being returned was what made it special?" They arrive at her quarters and Faldek waits for her to push the button. Keb turns and leans against her closed door, looking up at him. Her expression indicates she is mustering her bravery. "It isn't the certificate, Beran. It's the commitment--the promise we'll make when we're married, that no matter what, we're there for each other. But the rest is part of that." She looked down again. "I didn't mean to hurt you." "I'm not hurt, I just didn't have the correct understanding for your reasons. If they mean that much to you I will respect them." He takes her hand, "But don't make me wait too long, because I’m dyin' here..." Beran grins. Giggling, Keb looks up at him. "Don't worry, I'm going to contact my family right away and let them know about the engagement. And when we're married...well, I'll be all yours." Faldek looks deep into her eyes. "I would certainly hope so, I feel sorry for the poor chap who tries to take you away from me." He motions for the door. "Can we get something to eat? I am seriously famished." With a flick of Keb's hand, the door swishes open. "Go get clean. I promise not to peek, and there'll be something yummy ready when you're done." He enters and taps his commbadge, "Chief Ganner, this is Faldek." Senior Chief Petty Officer Ganner responds, "Yes sir, what can I do for you sir, and welcome back sir." Beran looks up at the ceiling," Yes, you can help me. Please bring me a fresh uniform from my quarters and deliver it to Lt. Cdr. Keb Mizu's quarters. That’s all." Ganner looks at the desk in Security where he is, thinking, what am I some errand boy? "Of course sir, it'll be there right away sir." Then Beran looked back at Keb. "So peeking is against the rules too?" Keb shrugs, giving him a sly grin. "Maybe not completely against the rules."

Journey to Empty Space T’Fodder, the little Romulan scout ship, had launched quite smoothly. Keb’s preparations for the mission had paid off. She’d had three good flight plans for the return trip already drawn up; the one that passed near Space Station T’Rex was supposed to be the easiest and fastest. Easiest and fastest, that is, if there wasn’t a Romulan squad ship right on one’s tail. T’Rex was known for the Eridonium mined there. The naturally occurring compound on several nearby asteroids was brought to the station for processing. There was a reasonable amount of traffic in the immediate area, due to the mining operation, and a few supply ships and traders stopped by to pick up the processed compound every now and then, but compared to other places in the region, it was sparsely populated. Since Eridonium had many known uses and was suspected to have many others—everything from medical to ship components—it fetched a good price and seemed a plausible destination for T’Fodder and its crew of scientists. Even so, Keb was starting to feel uncertain about her choice. She dutifully reported her speed corrections to the squad ship, hating herself each time. It would have been so much more dramatic to simply cloak and speed away—so much simpler. She felt like she was feeding information to the enemy. And yet, had they cloaked or sped away, that would have given them away instantly. The squad ship would give chase, and could certainly trace their own cloaking and warp technology’s signatures. There would be more ships after them. If they tried to get back to Manticore, the Romulans would probably discover the Federation ship as well. She twisted, for the billionth time already, the ring that Beran had put on her finger. Escaping this was going to require a lot of patience, and she wasn’t the only one in the crew who was short on patience at this point.

Keb, aka Centurion Vrena, stared blankly at her console. The stupid Romulan guard was still leering at her. She finally gave up trying to concentrate and stood up, glaring at the Romulan as she forcefully made her way over to Faldek. Faldek, aka Centurion Taev, turned to see Vrena heading his way with a very not so nice look on her face. He turned to face her. "How's the research coming along, my dear?" Keb shrugged, looking down at her feet. "I think they finally found something. I'm not much use right now." She looked back up at him with a somewhat softer expression, though still serious. "We need to talk, though." Faldek grinned. "Is it something that can wait, or is it quite important?" He thought he knew what this was about and was not quite sure what to say if the specific topic arose. Faldek still hid his true expression, and stayed looking rather complacent. Throwing a glance over her shoulder at T'Goon, Keb shook her head and dropped to a whisper. "Now." She gestured toward a corner a bit further away from the guard. "Okay." Faldek followed her to the corner, almost in tow. He stopped once they arrived putting her in the corner so that t’Goon could not see her. "What's the matter?" Honestly feeling a bit relieved safely away from T'Goon's eyes, Keb relaxed a little. "I love that you care so much about me, but I don't want you to threaten our mission just because some slovenly, leering letch glances in my direction." "I do believe it was more than a glance. He may be as big as Brutus, if not bigger, but we both know they're both dumb as bulkheads. I was simply trying to create a distraction, something for him to focus on rather than watching everyone else." Faldek put his arms around her waist and looked into her eyes. Keb blushed in a most un-Romulan fashion, smiling at him. "Even so. If he calls for backup..." She left her sentence unfinished. "I do love you, you know." "Oh, you do..." Faldek smiled and kissed her; he didn’t care who saw or what they might think. "I've been meaning to ask you, but with the mission and being as busy we have been over the past few months..." Faldek dropped to a single knee and looked up to Keb. Keb looked down at him, a mixture of shock, love, and horror all at once. "What are you doing? I thought you were just...posturing--" "I was and then it hit me, I really love you, and I want to make it... real." He had this look on his face almost like he was disappointed at her response, but tried not to show it. He began to slowly stand. Shaking her head, she pushed his shoulders down again. "No--no--I...oh, I'm getting this all wrong..." She sank down to her knees so they were face to face. He got a sort of confused look on his face and remained down low. "What do you mean?" Faldek steadied himself down on one knee again, staring Keb directly in her beautiful brown eyes. Keb bit her lip, and then licked it, before responding. "I mean...if you're asking...yes. It's just not where I imagined it." She laughed nervously, reaching for his hand. "To be honest... I was thinking of a better place, but I wanted to ask on Romulus, this place has some very breathtaking landscapes." Faldek reached into the bottom of his empty weapon holster and pulled out a ring. He lightly grabbed the hand she was reaching for him with and slipped the ring on her finger. "At least you'll never forget the day I asked you marry me, but you can't tell the true story for about 20 years..." Keb laughed, looking at her hand with the ring on it, sparkling in the laboratory lights. "We'll come up with something interesting to tell my folks back home." She leaned forward, kissing him softly. Faldek stood up with her in the embrace. "I promise to behave unless he makes a move. I already have McFly's ok to take him out if I feel someone's life is in jeopardy. We should get back to work; we might be making a bit of a scene." He smiled and kissed her again.

Who I Am Keb’s Personal Log, 50903.29 Her reflection haunted her, even hours later on the small Romulan craft. She knew that the human-romulan resemblance was close enough that the changes in her appearance were actually fairly mild compared with much of the crew’s, but the adjustment was still difficult. Intellectually, Keb knew that it was all reversible, and that the pointy ears and eyebrows were only a few minutes in sick bay away from being back to normal. It should have felt like Halloween back home, or like a costume for a holodeck program. It didn’t. The biggest problem, she decided, wasn’t that she looked different, but that she looked like everyone else. There was a strange sameness to the crew on the Romulan ship; instead of just matching uniforms, they had matching species markers. It felt eerie after years of living with a healthy Federation mix of peoples. Somehow it made her almost more aware of the differences between her crewmates, because she was focusing on what wasn’t there. Beran, for example: she had giggled at first when she saw his new Romulan look, but now it didn’t seem quite as funny. It made him look more human, but somehow it took away the quirky things that made him more interesting to look at. If she hadn’t been with him when he finished his surgery, she wouldn’t even have recognized him. How strange not to recognize someone you love! The only thing in his appearance that was truly the same was his height. Even his eyes, with the new eyebrows, didn’t look quite like Beran’s eyes. If the eyes were the window to the soul—did he still have the same soul? For that matter, did Keb? It was easy to dismiss the idea that one’s soul was in the tips of one’s ears or the shape of one’s brow, but it wasn’t Keb Mizu who had been looking back at her from the mirror before they left. I’m not going to lose myself, Keb commanded herself silently. I’m still me, inside. At the helm of a Romulan craft… The Romulan ship, filled with Romulan-flavored Manticore crew, carefully and quietly made its way to the Romulan homeworld. The controls, which had at first been confusing, started to feel familiar as the hours passed. Romulan words were tested between the crew members, and Keb tried to remind herself that she was actually Centurion Vrena, born on the homeworld. She ran through the details of her cover’s life again in her head, while the ship was flying through fairly empty space. For a moment, here or there, the illusion was complete. The trouble was that the whole time, that frightened voice inside was protesting. I don’t want to die as Vrena. I’m Keb! I was born on Earth! I’ve never even been to Romulus! As soon as they got back, she was going to be first in line to have her surgery reversed. Being someone else was a lot more fun when you could simply remove the mask and be yourself again, entirely, inside and out. It was also a lot more fun when you weren’t light years deep in enemy territory, of course.

A Triumphant Failure Keb’s Personal Log, Stardate 50801.21 Shortly after I returned to Manticore, while I was still disoriented and getting used to being home, trying to find my place among the crew again, the admiral called on me to displace Escher for a while. I felt wrong about the temporary promotion, even if it was to my old position, because he had earned it in my absence and it felt like I was taking it away from him. So I should be glad to hand back the title of Chief after babysitting it for a bit. Besides, I know that Escher deserves his post; he’s been on his best behavior and while he forgot his place a few times at first, I couldn’t possibly find fault with him. And yet I’m not. I’m an emotional wreck. I had to leave my post in the middle of my shift. No, right near the start of my shift. What kind of responsible officer does that? I should probably make an appointment with Commander Farrington, but I’d hate to be a burden when she’s trying to help the admiral recover. Maybe I’m just that greedy and selfish. Everyone wants to feel like they’ve achieved something. My parents were proud of me when I told them I was Chief the first time. They knew this was only temporary, of course, but I think they still felt proud I’d been put back in the same position after returning. Now I feel almost like I’m letting them down, like suddenly I’m something less just because I answer to one more officer in the chain, someone who was technically my senior officer all this time anyway. But what is almost worse is that somehow I feel like I let the admiral down. I’ve come to think of him as a sort of second father or something. I did exactly what he asked me to—I filled in, and I kept Escher in line even when he knew more about what our jobs were than I did. And yet when he relieved me of the duty, when the job was done, when I’d succeeded…I felt like I was being dismissed, a failure, unworthy of the post I’ve held for the last few months. It’s almost like making a great discovery, having it hailed all over the Federation, and then finding out that the results were wrong, and it was all a fluke caused by contamination. No, it’s not like that at all, but that’s what it must feel like. Like your award has been taken away. And now I’m back to feeling petty and childish again. MINE! The funny thing is, I was supposed to be helping Escher learn about the chain of command and proper behavior for an officer. This is most certainly not the sort of behavior that an upstanding and refined officer displays. Maybe that’s why I feel like I failed.

Acting Chief Science Officer’s Log, Stardate 50710.19 On Admiral Atragon’s orders, I have assumed command of the Science department aboard Manticore. As strange as it was to return to the ship and serve under a man that I welcomed aboard when he was just an ensign, it feel stranger still to resume command of him now. I knew when I left the ship that my position would become someone else’s, and I had no expectation of taking it back. I feel as if I’m taking something away from Escher that is rightfully his, even if only temporarily. He has grown considerably in my absence, but apparently still lacks some of the discretion that an officer on such an important and classified mission requires. A year is a significant time to be away from the ship. A lot has changed—personnel, modifications that I can see bear Garnoopy’s and Tovan’s signatures, and a rather large report on those spiders that I helped Escher gain permission to bring aboard. Somehow I’m glad I wasn’t there when that went bad. I’m amazed the Admiral isn’t angry I advised they be allowed, after glancing through the reports. It’s even more vital that I be up to speed on everything now that I’m acting chief. The hour until the simulation begins anew is nearly over. There’s little more we can do to prepare ourselves. Escher seems understandably gloomy, so I am trying not to step on his toes any more than I have to in order to do my job. I need his help to manage the department, and I have a feeling he will need mine to resume his position. There is some expectation that we will be attacked again during the simulation. I’m hoping not, as much as I’d like to catch the villains. We have enough on our plates without that. Mizu out.

Keb’s Engineering Log SD 50601.19 Paperwork Incident Report Form 119 Stardate: 50601.16 Name of Officer Reporting: Keb R. Mizu Rank of Officer Reporting: Lt. Commander Department of Officer Reporting: Engineering Area of Incident: Main Engineering Personnel Involved in Incident: Chief Engineer Lt. Cdr. Garnoopy and Chief Science Officer Lt. Cdr Christine Farron Injuries Sustained in Incident: Looked like a bloody nose and some bruises, I think medical will have a more thorough report Damage to Property in Incident: Dent on the door of the Chief Engineer’s office, blood stain on new carpet Description of Incident: Lt. Cdr. Garnoopy followed Lt. Cdr. Farron out of engineering. They both returned a few minutes later, while I was scanning an anomaly in the plasma system that was automatically repaired. They both went directly into Lt. Cdr. Garnoopy’s office, though Garnoopy paused to tell me to check up on the disruption that I was already scanning. Another few minutes passed and then I heard a strange thump from the office. There was another thump against the door of the office and I moved to investigate whether anything was wrong. Before I got across Engineering, the door opened and both Garnoopy and Farron rolled out, actively involved in a physical fight. Security and medical arrived immediately, before I could call for help. I attempted to disengage Garnoopy verbally, but they were pulled apart and restrained by security and medical personnel who were on the scene. Garnoopy was bleeding from his nose, and both parties indicated they wanted to continue fighting. Work in engineering resumed quickly after security and medical escorted the chiefs out of Main Engineering. Starfleet Requisition Form 1229: Stardate: 50601.16 Ship/Base: USS Manticore NCC-5852 Catalog Number: CAT12FUZZ-9743-6 Catalog Item: Starship standard Burgundy Carpet Quantity: 175 sq. Meters Purpose: Replace carpeting in Main Engineering Reason: Carpet in engineering stained with potentially hazardous biomatter. Also, current carpeting is the result of a mistake, and ugly. Must be replaced asap. Authorization: Lt. Cmdr. Keb R. Mizu Starfleet Requisition Complaint Form 1337: Stardate: 50601.16 Complainant: Lt. Cmdr. Keb R. Mizu Station: USS Manticore, NCC-5852 Complaint on Order No.: PUK5712-29 C Nature of Complaint: The order was delivered with the wrong pattern carpeting, and installed before the mistake was caught. The pattern we received is unsuitable and must be replaced. It is, frankly, ugly, and I noted that it is a discontinued pattern. The original requisition form, enclosed, requests light gray carpet. I have submitted a new requisition form for burgundy carpeting after a recent incident, but my commander is unhappy with the service we received in this case. Sincerely, Lt. Cmdr. Keb R. Mizu Re: Plasma Stream Disruption Report To: Lt. Cmdr. Garnoopy From: Lt. Cmdr. Mizu Message: I have attached the repair record and the diagnostic analysis you requested. The plasma stream disruption was brief, compensated for by the ship’s systems, and the minor damage in the affected area was repaired almost immediately by the automated maintenance system. There is no evidence of harm done by the interruption to any system. The cause appears to be an object that fell into the conduit, which was briefly open. I did a visual inspection of the area and nothing seems to be missing. Nothing remains of the object, but it must have been small. PS: I’ve requisitioned the new carpet (Burgundy), insisting that biomatter contamination requires new carpeting to see if we can expedite the issue, and placed a complaint. It seems to have been Starfleet’s fault, not Ensign Savage’s. Holosuite R&R Request Form Stardate: 50601.16 Name: Keb R. Mizu Rank: Lt. Commander Department: Engineering Dates/hours requested: 50601.24, 16 hours Reason: I need some holonovel time, please. I’m feeling unusually frustrated. Too much paperwork! Argh!

Keb’s Log SD 50601.10 Dear Mom and Dad, I have amazing news for you. I’ve just been promoted to Lt. Commander. I hope I’m doing you proud, Dad…at this rate, you’ll be calling me sir next time you put on your uniform! Mind you, that’s assuming you still fit it, the way Ambassadors get fed. (Just kidding, Dad.) I wish you could have been there, of course, but I promise to show you my new pip as soon as I get leave again. To be honest, I don’t believe I really deserve it. You recall how I wrote in my last letter that through a rather severe miscalculation I managed to leak plasma into engineering and three decks? This promotion, coming on the heels of that, feels strange. I was called away from the repairs in Engineering to the Captain’s ready room. The captain, first officer, and the admiral were all there. I was sure they were initiating disciplinary action. I figured they hadn’t done it sooner because they needed my hands in Engineering to help with the repairs, but now we were nearing completion. I wondered what it would be: Demotion, suspension, revocation of privileges? I apologized for the incident and then the Captain said that he would be…promoting me. I think my jaw was hovering around my boots when he said that. The admiral seemed amused by the whole thing. I was torn between crying and giving the pip right back to him but I managed to stay composed enough to promise I’d do my best to prove myself worthy. Now I just have to live up to that promise. And with every promotion comes the change in status with those nearest you in rank. When I was just an ensign, it was easy—salute everyone, take orders, and remember to add sir after every statement. It’s different now; friends who were the same rank now must consider me superior, and superiors are now my equals. Did it ever confuse you, Dad? In time I’ll get used to it, of course, just as I got used to the last promotion. And I am determined to prove that I can deserve the position, whatever it takes. I spent two shifts on trying to push the repairs that much closer to completion, and didn’t leave Engineering until I was having trouble seeing straight. Commanders can’t be slacking off, you know. But I promise I’m going right to bed as soon as I send this letter. The laundry can wait. Love you both, Lt. Commander Keb Mizu

Trusting Luck Keb’s Personal Log, Stardate 50511.24 Commander Tovan once opined to me that perhaps I attribute the results of my education, training, and experience to luck. Maybe. Or maybe I just got through school and Starfleet through sheer luck to begin with. Either way, I can’t help thinking that one or the other is going to fail me eventually. I can’t always put my ideas into a blueprint, but hand me some parts and I’ll make them work together, one way or another. I can’t even always remember what I did later that actually worked. I was trying to use the jerry-rigged extra-strength shields I made for the Wyvern and the Griffin to defend Manticore in the absence of the deflectors. But those I made on the fly, in the launch bay, just before Precip took them out to defeat the disturbance. He was apparently successful, but I don’t yet know if I was. It doesn’t count unless they come back alive, and we stopped receiving communication with them prematurely. If they didn’t survive, it will be my fault. I suppose that’s the case if Manticore doesn’t make it back for repairs, as well, but if she doesn’t—I’m not likely to be worried about it any longer, am I? I finally remembered what it was I had done differently, and was able to adapt that into the shield projector I was building. It will project a shield, along with the normal emitters, that will be close to the hull of the ship. The projectors will not need to be mounted on the exterior of Manticore; they will merely need to be near the outer hull. That will save us some time and effort in getting them online. But I need to make a few of them, to cover several points in the network. Why can’t I operate by the book? It’s not as if I don’t read enough books. It would be so much simpler to put it on paper, trust my brain, the computer, and my shipmates—but the only thing I have to trust is my hands, and my luck. It better hold out.

Brig Security Camera 4 Log 50508.11 Brig Security Camera View: Lt. Keb Mizu, having gotten permission to do so, walks into the visitor area wearing her uniform. She tilts her head to look at Lt. Terry Riker and shakes her head at him. "Okay, Terry...what the heck were you thinking earlier?" Riker, laying on the bench, looks at Keb, then looks away again. “Nothing.” Keb gives him a withering look. “Nothing? Nothing? You don't cause that much trouble over nothing.” Riker sits up to face her. “I wasn't meant to cause that much trouble. I didn't expect Tovan to call security; I thought he would look for me himself! I told the Captain I was doing a few tests, anyway.” “Tovan did look for you. You purposefully made it difficult for him to find you, as if you had something to hide.” Keb sits on the bench opposite Riker, outside the security field. Riker gives her a tired and sad look. “I wasn't trying to hide from anyone but the computer. I have nothing to hide.” He puts the jacket he’d been using as a pillow back on. Keb sighs. “I'm sorry, Terry...I know you've probably gone over this with everyone in the chain of command. But I still don't get it. What was so important that you couldn't stay within protocol, and that you had to hide yourself from everyone?” Riker looks at the floor. “Keb, I have already gone over this with security, and I’ll have to explain it to Sovak and Tovan, do I have to explain it to you?” He looks up at her as if he wishes he could hold her. Keb bites her lip. “No. I guess not. It's not like I have any reason to want to know, other than my insatiable curiosity.” Her gaze falls to the floor. “Ok,” Terry sighs, “I guess I do owe you that much.” Keb looks up suddenly. “You don't owe me anything, Terry.” Riker pauses a moment in thought. “I wanted to see if the CG had placed one of those new auto systems on the ship and I was trying to see if the computer would try and locate me or try something. I was wrong. Call me paranoid.” He seems to catch what she said just now. “Keb, I thought we were…well, you know.” Keb’s cheeks blush. “We haven't even gone out, and if you keep getting yourself locked up like this, it's not likely we'll find time...” “I at least owe you and explanation of what I was doing. Hey, this is only my second visit here.” He gives her a weak smile. “I’m really sorry.” “Well...thank you. I guess it makes a little more sense...but you could have alerted Tovan to what you were doing. Or something.” She looks uncertain. “I didn't know he had come in at the time. It wasn't until my command codes were locked out that I knew where he was.” He takes a breath. “Well I don't know how I’m going to get out of here now. Jami and Sovak will be here soon and I bet they are more than upset at me... They won't be so forgiving as you.” Keb gently says, “They're responsible for you, Terry. Part of their job is making sure you do yours correctly. So...when you scare everyone like that...what are they supposed to do?” She gives him a helpless look. “I know that, I wish I had an answer.” He looks at her. “I can see a court marshal coming my way. “ “I hope not. I mean...I wouldn't want you to leave Manticore.” Riker smiles at her. “Thanks, that’s nice of you to say. If I was able to kiss you now, I would.” He looks away, and lies back on the bench. Keb gives him a secretive smile. “Well...they need me in Engineering. We're a bit short staffed just now, since someone's in the brig. I'm sure you can imagine.” She rises, heading for the exit. Riker grins at her smile. “Yeah, well, you will probably be on your own for a while. I doubt I’ll be outta here in a hurry. Can you do me a favour?” Keb glances back at him on her way out. “What do you need? I'm not smuggling any tools inside bread for you, for the record.” Riker laughs at her tool comment. “Can you bring me a decent meal though, whatever they are feeding me isn't agreeing with me.” Keb thinks for a moment. “I'll think about it. I'd have to clear it with security.” “Geez, they are likely to eat it before me. Thanks, I’d be really grateful if you could try though.” Nodding, Keb agrees. “All right. I'll see you soon, Terry. They won't keep you in here forever.” She waves and vanishes from the security camera's view. Riker watches her go and then tries to get some sleep.

Dress Threads Keb’s Personal Log, Stardate 50506.29 It didn’t take me as long as I expected to change into my uniform. Tovan, for some reason, disapproved of my working on the shuttle in a dress. People seem to assume that whatever they’re used to wearing when participating in an activity is the most comfortable thing, the safest thing, and the most natural thing to wear, and if you step outside of that boundary—through color, cut, weight, anything—they wonder how you could possibly manage to do what you’re doing, wearing that. “Aren’t you hot/cold? Doesn’t it get in your way?” I got asked that all the time when I was a teenager doing historical reenactments. If different civilizations on Earth could manage to wear certain garments and do all the many daily things of their lives, if civilizations on other worlds could wear what they do, why should we wonder how they managed? The most difficult garment I think humans ever wore was probably the toga. I mean, you look at the ancient Greek and Roman statues, and they’re holding up the trailing kilometers of fabric just to show off, and you wonder—how did the senators manage to commit the murder of Julius Caesar wearing those things? Wouldn’t one of them get his knife tangled up in his toga, or step on someone else’s, trip, and accidentally stab Brutus? But you have to remember, this is what they wore on a regular basis, and the really voluminous clothing was probably reserved, like our dress uniforms, for only special occasions. What a senator wore at home was likely much simpler, lighter, and more comfortable; what those who worked for him wore was probably likewise easier to move in. Medieval women wore dresses down to their ankles every day and worked the fields, cared for children, made the food and clothes, kept the shelters livable, herded animals, everything that’s required for a society to sustain itself. If they could wear what they wore and do what they did—ten times harder, in physical terms, than just about anything I do on a daily basis, who am I to question the practicality of their dress? For the time, place, and activities they were engaged in—it was probably good enough, or they would’ve worn something else. And though I wear dresses and skirts when I’m off duty just because I like them and find them comfortable, I doubt Tovan would have ever said a word about it if I had a “cultural” reason to wear them. It seems that because I’m human I’m expected to go with the flow—the culture of Starfleet, and Earth, is my culture. I love my uniform, because I worked hard to earn the right to wear it, and because it is the uniform my father and grandfather wore. It is a mark of pride, a badge of honor, and I wouldn’t trade it in for anything else. But that doesn’t mean I like everything about it. Starfleet changes the uniform every so many years to reflect changes in culture, practicality, and fashion. Some changes are good; some aren’t. I liked the color on my father’s uniform, which is more muted now, but I like the fit of my uniform a little better. If I’d designed it, though…well, it wouldn’t look like it does. And, being me, I’d probably take a cue from the 23rd century and put skirts back on. Maybe even make the men wear skirts, just to show them that it’s not as bad as they seem to think. There were a number of cultures on Earth alone where men wore skirts and dresses, albeit calling them such things as “kilts” and “robes”. Why the pervading culture of modern Earth seems to forget this fact, I have no idea. I also have no idea what the heck Terry Riker is thinking.

Keb’s Personal Log, Stardate 50505.10 Starbase 9 is miserable, so far. We each have our own quarters and that still leaves half the crew rooms unoccupied. It’s big and quiet and empty, and though I know we’re all looking lost because we actually are lost and don’t know our way around the station yet, it’s still a little creepy. Dad was commander on a starbase when I was in Starfleet Academy. I wasn’t home often, but our family quarters there never felt like home. Most of my possessions were at school or in storage on Earth. And there was no room that was “my” room—I found myself wandering the narrow hallway, searching for just one more door beyond my sister’s, so I wouldn’t have to spend another night bunking on an air mattress on her floor. I feel a bit like that here. Manticore has become a home for me; I went through the station to talk to Terry in the infirmary, and I found myself looking for things that make Manticore familiar and homey. The colors of the walls here are all wrong, the carpet is too dark. From what Tovan told Betty and me…we might be here for a while. I am homesick already, and this time it’s not for Earth or my family—it’s for my ship. Why do I feel like we’ve all just been captured and locked in a dungeon to rot?

Stardate 50505.08 Keb’s Personal Log Manticore is flying through the endless night of infinite stars. Why does it look like night unless you’re very close to a star? The only difference is simple distance. On Earth, one star lights up the world, and it’s day. A million stars light up the world, and it’s night, simply because they’re a bit further out. The poor ship has been through too much. She’s going to need serious repairs in space dock; we can’t completely fix her from inside, though we’ve been doing our best. The rumors flying around that we’re going to be stationed on the station seem to have been confirmed. I don’t believe it will be permanent; the admiral would never allow that, I’m sure. The crew’s been through too much together, just as Manticore has. I have mixed feelings about leaving—my friends are here, and I’ve come to know the ship so well that it would be heartbreaking to leave her in the care of another. Though the captain is the one who traditionally calls his ship “his ship”, I think every good engineer comes to think of the ship she works on as her own child. Or maybe that’s just me. I’m writing a letter home to my family to let them know I’m all right. There’s not much I can tell them—I can’t talk about the Phase Cloak or the admiral going down on their bridge or, really, much worth telling at all, but I’ll let them know I’m working hard and that I’ll be at the starbase in a few days. I don’t think they’ll have the time to come visit, though, from the sound of the last letter I got. After we got the main systems functioning, I got permission to spend some of my spare time bringing the holodeck back to functioning. It wasn’t damaged directly, but when the EPS relays were destroyed, the power to the holodeck was cut off rather severely. Though it’s a non-essential system, with the rest of the ship being safely towed, we were able to secure some rationed hours on the holodeck, and I think that’s improved my morale at least a bit. I was able to argue that I needed the exercise…I knew I was getting out of shape again, but I hadn’t realized how much until I had to run the length and breadth of an unfamiliar, dangerous ship. Besides, working on the holodeck was much more relaxing than sitting in my quarters wondering whether it’s true that I won’t be on Manticore anymore. Keb out.

Keb’s Personal Log, stardate 50504.27 I’m exhausted. And worried…mostly about Chief Garnoopy, but also the admiral—he was so still before they beamed him out—and all the others who were injured. And the ship. Manticore is badly damaged; Betty and Riker and I managed to shore up some of the damage, but it’s going to be weeks before we’ve got her back to normal, especially with so many hands down. I feel like I haven’t slept for days now. All the work we put into finalizing the Phase Cloak with Tovan’s invention paid off; Ohno, Ganner, and I all survived the initial mission and the shuttle got us back with Precip. It worked amazingly well, though I was nervous every time we went through a major matter block. I hope Garnoopy will be pleased with the success of his work on the Phase Cloak. …I hope he survives. I haven’t had much chance to check on him, but Betty filled me in when we got back to Manticore. And immediately put me to work on the Warp Core, which was attempting to fail quite rapidly. She said something about Terry Riker having been injured, too, but he sounded well enough from the Bridge where he was issuing commands. I might not be so exhausted if I hadn’t had to run through about a million miles of Jefferies’ tubing today, on two different ships. I think I need to start working out again. I had an idea for a pirate-themed swimming holodeck program…could be worth the effort. I’ve finished my ice water, so I’d better get back to work.

Keb’s Personal Log, 50502.23 I’m feeling horribly guilty today. I feel guilty about the modifications to the Phase Cloak that almost failed, which could have killed us on the shuttle; I feel guilty about not being able to relax; I feel guilty that I haven’t come up with anything better, even knowing what went wrong last time; and most of all, I feel guilty for feeling so guilty that it’s affecting the rest of my work. Days like this I just want to go home, crawl into my old bed in the “guest bedroom” and cry. That would feel wonderful—I would just stay there until I died, or at least until Mom came and patted my back and handed me a book to get my mind off of everything. I did try reading. I brought back a stack of books from vacation, but I already finished half of them. Writing calms me down too…so I’m doing that right now. What I should be is happy. I’m alive; no one died. The shuttle can be repaired, even though we need to get some spare parts for it. And I’m not the only one working on making the PC work next time. Sooo…it’s going to be okay. No more guilt. Right?

This is a really hard question... I'd pick Picard (proven record), Data, or just about any engineer you could drag away from his engines long enough to sit in the Captain's chair.

Ens. Mizu’s Duty Log Stardate 50501.11 Classified level beta, encryption on Garnoopy, Ohno, and I tested the phase cloak live today on a shuttlecraft. We were under cloak for two minutes and fifteen seconds. All system diagnostics reported normal or within acceptable parameters at start and finish of the test, except the phase coil resonation. I got a high but still acceptable reading of the phase coil resonation before starting the test. The range should have been within 142 and 365 Miranders amplitude, and we were hovering around 360 at the start of the test. The resonance remained a steady 363 from the time the cloak was engaged until the moment we decloaked, and then spiked to 427 with a simultaneous shudder of the shuttle. I have yet to determine the cause of the spike, or the high resonance in the phase coil system once the Phase Cloak was installed. A quick scan of the phase coil assembly indicated that the spike had damaged the integrity of the coils themselves, so for safety they must be replaced before the shuttle is used again, with or without the phase cloak. No other system in the shuttle has yet shown signs of damage from the experiment. The personnel aboard seemed likewise uninjured, though I will add on a personal note that I felt a little shaky upon exiting the shuttle. This could perhaps have been unrelated to the phase cloak, however. I will continue working to find the cause of the failure, and a solution. End log. Encryption off.