Lexia

<<OOC Note: Events in this log take place after events in last week's simulation.>> Dr. Lexia Tordai & Lt., j.g. Aidan Driscol Lexia leaned against the frame of her view port, her fingers wrapped gently around the contours of a glass champagne flute. She stared out into the black space contrasted with individual points of light as she sipped, her thoughts as many and as varied as the stars before her. Just as those stars, her thoughts seemed to revolve around one single point. Aidan stood in front of Lexia's door wondering whether he should bug her. She had looked down but he wasn't sure if he had the right to intrude. And he had a perfect excuse not to if she expected him to come by; he was on duty after all. But he couldn't deny to himself that he was feeling responsible and guilty. He swallowed and chimed. She turned, what now? She stared at the door for a beat, almost positive who was behind it. She sighed and walked over to the entrance of her quarters. Time for the latest chapter in the saga that was becoming her life aboard this vessel. She wondered what this installment would bring as she depressed the switch. As the doors swooshed open Aidan saw the familiar room behind them as well as Lexia, he saw immediately that she wasn't exactly happy to see him. "Wow, did I do anything to you I'm not aware of?" "No, I am pretty sure you are aware of most of it," she said, the inflection in her voice denoting a joke but sounding tired. "Come in Aidan." "I don't know, I've had quite a few beers, and the fact that I don't remember you yelling at me makes me feel a tad suspicious." He stepped inside and went over to the sofa to sit down. He was frustrated by the fact that she was one day lowering her defenses and the next bam! he smashed into those walls again face first. The door swished shut behind her. He had made his way to the sofa without even touching her, without even making the attempt. Of course, the first words out of her mouth were not exactly the most inviting. But still, wasn't it normal to at least embrace someone you...you...she shook her head and sighed lightly. "Can I get you anything?" She stood behind the sofa, her hands on its back. "A sledge hammer maybe, if you're out of those I'd take ice tea." He felt so uncertain how to approach her, it had seemed like she now regretted what had happened last time. He also noticed how she didn't sit with him, she must have realized that he didn't come her for drinks but to check on her. She walked to the replicator and got him his beverage of choice, rather then the hammer. She handed it to him and went back to her rest against the view port frame a couple of feet away. She had no idea where to begin, what to say or even how to approach the subject. Aidan took a sip of his tea and then put it down to look at her. He didn't speak, he just looked and couldn't help admiring how beautiful she looked framed against the view port with the nebula as a background. Right now he knew that not speaking was the right thing to do, she would have to be the one to break the silence. "So what brings you by? I doubt this is one of your favorite places..." she immediately regretted the latter statement, not because she felt it was cruel or mean...she was afraid he would confirm it... "Well, I like what you've done to this place, kept the Starfleet standard, very adorable, I've done something similar, I call it Starfleet standard aux smelly socks." If she wanted to keep this up he was ready to play along, he was getting tired of always having to be the one to make the first step. "You didn't answer the question, Aidan." He rolled his eyes aware of the fact that she saw him do it and got up to walk up behind her. Despite standing close to her he didn't touch her. "You looked down earlier; I wanted to see if you were alright. I hadn't expected such a warm welcome, though." She felt him standing behind her. She respected the fact that he kept his distance, but somewhere in her mind she wished he wouldn't. "You came all the way to this part of the ship because I looked down in Sickbay?" She wanted to reach back to him, but some fear inside her stopped her. He had to keep himself from touching her, but it seemed like this relationship was just going to work if they played games. "Oh, you know, I was in the area and really longing for some ice tea." She smiled slightly even though he could not see it. "You could have gotten tea in the mess hall," she prodded, hoping to gain the desired results. His self-restraint crumbled, he put his arms around her waist and put his chin on her shoulder gazing into space with her. "Stop it Doctor, you're driving me up the wall again." "Driving you up the wall is such a talent I posses though...it would be a shame to let it go to waste," she relaxed into his arms, even thought her nerves were rigid enough to cut glass. She rested her head against his and felt the warmth of his face against her cheek. Aidan chuckled. "Yes, yes indeed, what a shame. But I'm sure you have other talents as well that would be a shame to go to waste." "Not so fast, Lieutenant," she almost muttered through a smirk. This was probably how it was always going to be, she decided. She turned her head slightly and touched her lips to his; maybe things being this way would not be so bad... The kiss didn't feel as awkward this time as the ones before had, he was finally able to fully enjoy it. When it was over he smiles at her. "I know you won't believe me, but I wasn't even talking about those talents, as tempting as they might be." Very tempting indeed, but he really shouldn't push his luck. She turned her head back to the view port, her lips still moist. "I know, Aidan." She lay her head against his again. "I know." He slowly turned his head and gently kissed her neck. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong? I won't bite, and I won't laugh or do whatever it is you are afraid of. I know being open about things isn't one of those many talents of yours but I would hate you having to treat me for ulcer in a couple of months." "I think Dr;. Levy will have to take your cases now," she dodged the question with all the grace she could muster. "After all, I have invested interest now." "Ah Tordai, you're wrong on two accounts right now." If he hadn't been holding her he'd have banged his head against the wall right about now. "How so?" "You thinking you can get away with compromising my health and not fixing it as well as you obviously being certain that I don't notice you avoiding answering my questions." As he said this he visualized an ulcer forming in his stomach and flinched hardly perceivably. She decided to try something new, the serious, straight-forward approach. "I'm just nervous Aidan." He pulled her gently closer towards him trying not to show his surprise. "Of course you are, so am I. But what good is it going to do if that makes you avoid me?" "I know, logically I know..." she sighed. But what had been logical about any of this? "If I avoid you, your mental health might improve..." she attempted to lighten the mood, she hated it when things got this damn close to home. He sighed and let go of her to walk over to the table where his tea was and took it. "You don't trust me with the real stuff, do you? I seriously don't know what to do anymore." He pictured himself punching the small pillow lying on the sofa. "This is the real stuff Aidan," she sighed, just when things were going fine it turned into this again. "Logically I know that worrying is just going to hold me back, but there is this irrational, go figure, part of my self that worries anyways." She sighed and walked over to him, "You'd think a few centuries would have worked this out." "I suppose a few centuries also means more disappointment, but they should also have taught you that sometimes it's worth it taking a chance." Finally she was talking to him, but he still remained standing there with the glass in his hand; whenever Lexia mentioned her "few centuries" he started feeling a bit uncomfortable. "I never said it was not worth the chance, Aidan," "No, you just act like it." That was his frustration speaking. "And you act like I scare the living daylights out of you and as if you must always know the quickest way away from me. Am I to assume then that you are forming escape routes every time you get close?" She crossed her arms and looked at him. "Yah, I'm sure you'd love that thought, being able to scare me, wouldn't you. In case you weren't aware of it, you spent almost the whole time staring out of the view port. Do not accuse me of avoiding you while you refuse to even look at me." Boy what nerve that woman had at times. Wasn't it obvious what he was doing? She sighed and placed her palm against her forehead in exasperation. "We're running in circles, and I'm starting to get dizzy." This time the urge to walk over to the next wall and punch it was barely suppressible. "Then stop pushing me away Lexia," he yelled, sorry about as soon as he realized he was doing it. He continued in a lower voice "don't do that to me." "Then stop making me feel like you expect me to," she said calmly and quietly. Then, in an even quieter voice, "don't do that to me."

<<OOC Note: Events in this log take place immediately after events in "Awkward Silences, Part 1" >> Dr. Lexia Tordai & Lt., j.g Aidan Driscol "I think I love you." Aidan swallowed hard when he heard the words, his brain refusing to quite take them in. Had she just said that she loved him? What was he supposed to say? That he loved her too? He had never said that to a woman besides his mother, he wasn't even sure what it felt like to love someone that wasn't his family. And why the hell couldn't his mind just shut up and why couldn't he just do the right thing. While he was thinking all of this he was just sitting there looking at her. He wasn't quite sure if this fight with himself was showing in any way. All he knew was that right now he couldn't move a muscle, which made him feel even more miserable. She just sat there and waited, she knew that her words probably had thrown him into inner turmoil. Her mind was racing as well. What the hell had she just said? She suddenly found herself unable to move; her mind frozen. By all the gods what had she just said, what had she just done? He got up and moved over to the sofa where he positively collapsed. He was feeling dizzy and his heart was racing. He wasn't good at this, he was even worse at this than he thought he would be. Had she actually meant what she said? He opened his mouth as if to say something, but he couldn't, instead he just looked at her helplessly hoping she'd do something, anything. "Aidan," she seemed to be keeping her composure better then him. "Maybe that was a bit rash of me," her mind was spinning but she felt as if she needed to be the calm one at the moment. "No," he didn't want her to take it back. "No, it's okay, I was just taken by surprise, that's all." He looked at her and made a decision. "Maybe it's time for me to tell you a little story, now, it's hardly as dramatic and sad as yours but it might possibly explain something." He tried to reach out for her but then just put his arm on the back of the sofa in a more than silly movement which wouldn't fool her into thinking that's what he had intended to do. She took a sip from the drink he had just handed her and set it, with a gently clank, onto the coffee table in front of them. "Now Aidan, remember what happened last time we had story time..." Aidan smiled weakly. "Yes, I do, I just want you to understand, and," he looked at her intently, "and I would hate for you to take back what you just said because I'm being an idiot." She sighed, tiredly though not uncomfortably. "Very well then," she said, some of her outer shell returning and her word choice becoming a tad bit less friendly. He looked at her and noticed the change in her tone. She was ready to put her defenses back up, well, so was he. He got up, "You know what, never mind, fine with me if you're not interested." Why was it that she always drove him up the wall and made him want to run away? Why did she always do this, why did...she cut herself off mid-thought. "Aidan, please," it was not a beggars tone but one of sincere concern. "I never said this was going to be easy on either one of us," she reached out to touch his hand, but drew back unsure. "Go ahead," she said as she pulled her right leg under her left. Aidan watched her reach for his hand and something in his chest went a little icy as she drew back before touching him. He remained standing "You're right, it's not going to be easy, but if easy were important to me I'd not be here right now." He took a deep breath and tried not to let his pride get in the way of their conversation, because, if he was honest to himself, every time she shot him down like that he could feel his ego roar inside him in displeasure. "Sit down Aidan, please," she felt something fall inside of her every second he remained standing. She reached out again, perhaps to pull him back down or perhaps just to touch him. Either way this time she did gently grasp his wrist. Why did this have to be difficult? Why couldn't he just do what he felt like doing? Aidan looked down at his wrist and sat back down next to her. Turning towards her he put one leg up on the sofa and rested his arm on the back of it, trying to look casual. "I'm not good at all of this, and I know that. You had a couple of lifetimes to practice this, but so far relationships have never been a priority of mine, it's always been Starfleet. The girls I was with were looking for someone to make them feel less lonely, not love, and I wanted the same." He looked at Lexia, hoping this would be enough to make her understand where he was coming from. "A girl in every port kind of sailor, eh?" she smiled slightly, trying to understand what he was trying to tell her. As he sat her hand left his wrist and rest on the back of the sofa behind him. Frowning he shook his head and then laughed. "God no, I don't think I could handle more than one of you at a time. I'm not a player or a cheater, I just," he hesitated and hastily looked away. "You never were close to them for very long," she said, beginning to understand. "It was a temporary thing and was just understood to be no more." She brought her hand into her lap and waited for his response. She was trying to coax him to talk more; he had been relatively closed mouth since they arrived. "Yes, I don't know what it feels like to love a woman," before he went on he took her hand in his mostly because he needed the reassurance this gesture meant than anything else. "It's just that before I tell you that I love you I want to make sure I really do. I would... well... I would hate to let you down." He had said it and hoped she wouldn't laugh at him for having said, and worse, feeling all those things. "Take your time Aidan, this is not a race," she laid her left hand over his hand in hers. "I will be here." He closed his eyes and wasn't sure if she got what he wanted to say, and much less was he sure that he was saying what he wanted to say. When opening his eyes he looked at her for a moment and then raised the hand she wasn't holding to her cheek and uncertainly leaned in a little. She turned her head slightly as he leaned in, she closed the distance that he did not and their lips met again. For another few moments the clouds and swirls of doubt were silenced and they just existed in the moment. She let her free arm drape across his shoulder. When the kiss ended Aidan didn't back away, their foreheads were almost touching and he could feel her breath on his face. "I want this, Lexia, but I don't want to hurt you. This feels different, a good kind of different." "Aidan, you are talking to me," she paused, feeling his face only inches from hers. "Trust me, I've had my hearts broken many times...do not worry about me." He moved back a little and looked at her, grinning. "Way to make me feel special." Finally he was able to relax a bit, as so many things that had to be said finally had been said. "Oh but you are," in more ways then you know. She looked at him, nor speaking for a moment. He was grinning, why had she never noticed how cute that grin was before... "Thanks Lexia, and I'm sorry for being, well, for being me." He wished he could be more confident right now. "If we are apologizing for being us, shouldn't I be first?" He grinned again. "I know how you could make it up to me." This was meant to be no more than a joke, but he knew Lexia might not think it to be a good one. "Let's take it a bit slower then that, eh Driscol?" she lifted one eyebrow in mock scolding. "You mean you won't make dinner for me tonight? That's a pity I was getting hungry." It was always fun to joke with her; he didn't always have to tread carefully. She just shook her head and stood up, moving towards the replicator. "I hope you like Italian," she said, queuing up the recipes from the databank. Aidan got up and walked up behind her. Placing his hands on her shoulder he looked at the recipes with her. "Oh, I like many things, Doctors, hand to hand combat, music, Italian. It's hard for me to say if I like Doctors or Italian best though." She stood with his hands on her shoulders scrolling through recipes until they both agreed on something. "It's nice to know I encompass at least three of those things," she paused a slight beat, "we'll have to work on the music part though." She turned her head to look at him and smiled, then allowed her lips to touch his again, only briefly this time. The food shimmered into existence and she picked up the two plates. "Let's eat, I'm starving," she said turning towards the table.

Dr. Lexia Tordai & Lt., j.g. Aidan Driscol Lexia strode out of Main Sickbay as the doors swished closed behind her. She turned the corner and began walking towards her quarters, her mind racing even faster then her feet. She had spent the last hour watching the time slowly melt by and now it seemed like the moment was here all too fast. This is crazy, she thought to herself. What in the worlds was she thinking? Aidan leaned against the wall right next to the sickbay doors and watched Lexia walk past him, lost in her thoughts too deeply to notice him. He slowly started to follow her wondering how close he could get to her before she noticed him. She was completely oblivious to the other beings presence until she reached the turbolift. She hit the call button and paused. As she stood waiting, she became aware that she was not alone. Turning she nearly choked when she saw the man standing behind her. "I thought we had agreed to meet at my quarters fifteen minutes after my shift..." Aidan grinned at her. He had only just managed not to bump into her; he had concentrated so much on his little game that he hadn't noticed she had arrived at the turbolift. "What can I say Doctor, I couldn't stand another minute without you." Of course this wasn't quite true; he had wanted to make sure she wouldn't run away. She tilted her head, there was more to it then that but she decided not to press it. "Very well then," she said as the turbolift arrived. "Did you have a destination in mind?" Aidan pretended he had to think about her question. "Well, let's see, my quarters? No, I have smelly socks lying about. Shuttle bay? there you could pretty much just dispose of me if I annoy you." “Do not give me ideas," she said in a tone that she hoped was clearly joking. "Seriously Driscol, where are we going?" He looked at her for a moment before he answered. "I could give you heaps more ideas. Seriously Doctor, how about your quarters, you know them, I have figured out the quickest escape route since last time and they'd give us some privacy. We could also go to the mess hall, but I'm known to make scenes," he made sure he didn't stand too closely to her in the turbolift. He was all for idea giving but he also valued his life. She paused, considering the mess hall. She was not really hungry and sitting in the mess hall not eating could turn awkward. "My quarters are acceptable." She called out her deck number. "Let's hope you do not need those escape routes this time." "I'll try to be a good boy, I promise." He knew this was going to be an awkward time but he wanted to make it as pleasant as possible. Just as much as he wanted to keep this private. He didn't want people to talk, and he knew neither did Lexia. Having people talk about you on a ship where you couldn't avoid each other was terrible. She stepped out of the turbolift turning towards her quarters, "I suggest you make it a point to be a good boy or you will need those escape routes." She reached her door and paused a moment, the last time they were both here things went greatly awry. Aidan had been in thought and had just followed Lexia, so this time he actually did bump into her when she stopped. "Sheesh, Tordai, why do you keep doing that today. If you wanted to be close to me you'd just have to say something." He made sure to go through the escape routes in his mind again. Luckily the door had opened as he bumped into her and she simply stumbled into her quarters. "Driscol..." she said in that tone of voice she used so often with him when he started annoying her. She knew he was probably just nervous, hell she was nervous herself. Nervous...what a strange emotion. Lexia would have died before admitting she was nervous, however, and she simply motioned for him to enter. After checking nobody in the corridor had seen his less than graceful entrance to her quarters, Aidan followed her. He looked about and noticed that nothing had changed since the last time, but then, why would anything have changed. Standing about he waited for her to invite him to sit somewhere. She walked to the replicator. "I trust the couch is somewhere on that escape map you have in your head," she smirked, but only slightly, "can I get you anything?" "Well, last time I sat there you almost killed me, so I figured I'd wait for you to allow me to sit, or tell me to grovel in a corner. Well, I'm off duty and I'm going to spend quite a while without talking, I need a beer." He hoped she'd not get the wrong impression by him joking around even more than usual, he just wanted to stay in fairly safe waters for as long as possible. "Groveling will not be necessary," she replicated his beer and was about to type in a Lady Grey. She took a deep breath, and the feeling that this was about to get awkward hit her. She ordered a Cosmopolitan. Picking up the two drinks she made her way to the couch. Aidan took the beer from her when she reached him and then sat down after she did. "Is not necessary yet, you mean to say. And thanks for the drink." He took a sip and leaned back. "You're welcome," she replied as she sat down. She took a long sip off her drink. She felt like she should say something, but the words just would not come. She sat with her long fingers wrapped around her drink as the awkward silence stretched on. Aidan leaned his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes wondering if he should make this easier for her or not. He was worried that if he did she's wriggle her way out of saying what needed to be said. So he just joined her in her silence. They sat there for what seemed like hours, but she knew it could only have been minutes. Her drink sank below the halfway mark, keeping pace with his beer’s rate of decent. She had to say something, anything; she had to break this god’s awful silence. "Why?" she regretted it as soon as she said it, mentally slapping herself. Here we go, he thought and acted as if he had been perfectly comfortable with this silence and hadn't expected her to talk. "Why what?" "Nothing," she blurted, taking another long sip of her drink. It was a bad response and she knew it, but her mouth was getting in front of her mind now. She felt like she was on an out of control ride. "Oh, come on, you wouldn't ask if there weren't something you wanted to know. We're here to talk, aren't we? Let's talk. Why what?" No, he definitely wouldn't make this easy for her, even if she would hate him for that. "Why are you still here?" the words came out far harsher then she had meant, the intention of the question lost behind the unintended inflection. She turned towards him quickly, "Wait that is not....what I meant was...." gods would this ever be simple? Aidan opened one eye and raised his eyebrows. "Listen, we're both probably going to say things that we think we shouldn't ever say in the course of this, but you know, should that be we'll just get so drunk that we won't remember in the morning." This would take a while, he knew that, but he was surprisingly okay with the situation right now. She regained her composure. "I know," she sighed. "I do not find myself in this situation often Aidan. He laughed. "That much is clear, but you know, nobody does, or hardly anybody does. But sometimes it's all about trusting someone enough to tell them things that you would rather keep to yourself simply because you know they have to be said," he frowned, "did that even make sense?" "No," she smiled a very small smile, "but has anything made any sense in this conversation?" "What conversation?" Aidan laughed. He wished he could make this easier for her and for him, but he didn't know how. When he looked over at her he just wanted to... no, he really shouldn't, it was silly and she wasn't the kind of woman to like silliness. "But has anything made sense since you first saw me?" She took a deep breath, yes her mind screamed at her. Well, yes and no....did lo- did things like this ever make sense? She looked at him and noticed he was looking at her. She found her neck was turning ice cold as her face was suddenly warm. She just sat there looking at him. All the words she had in her mind melted away as she stared into his eyes. They were brown...she hadn't noticed... As he kept looking at her he wondered if she was ever going to say something, or maybe he should indeed make the first move. It wasn't that he was shy it had just seemed to him that in this whole thing it would be right to let her make the first move. This wasn't about who initiated the first kiss or anything, but it was about who would finally say something more committal than "I don't mind your company" or rubbish like that. She knew he was waiting on her, and that made her feel better, if only a little. She leaned forward her lips meeting his. The doubts in her mind quieted as if the eye of the storm was passing over her. She has been fighting this for a very long time and the release of the anxiety and tension was almost euphoric; or at least as close to euphoric as Lexia ever went. The swirl of emotion stopped spinning and coalesced into calm clarity. It seemed her entire thought process hung in stasis. Aidan was taken aback by her sudden move and his mind started racing. He had almost backed away from her, not because he didn't like this - no indeed it was pretty good, actually…surprisingly - but simply because he was so surprised. But what did this mean exactly, and where would it end and what did she expect him to do now, and why the hell was he even thinking all these things at this moment? He finally started to relax a little and returned the kiss. She felt him give in to the kiss, their lips parting slightly; then as suddenly as it began, it ended. She could not really tell who ended it; it seemed as if they both drifted away at the same time. As their lips parted the clouds rolled back in; the doubt returned and her mind began to race once again. The calm clarity that had overtaken her turned once again into the out of control storm within her mind. Only now the swirls of doubt about the action she had just taken joined the rest, causing her heart-rate to rise and panic to begin to set in. She sat next to him, speechless and motionless, for what felt like an eternity. When the kiss ended Aidan looked at Lexia for a moment and then got up and walked over to the replicator getting himself another beer and her another cosmopolitan. He did this not to get away from her, because, god knew, he really didn't want to, but because he felt that Lexia might need a little space now. "It's still not much of a conversation we're having. Not that I mind where this is going." Aidan knew he was behaving like a prat, but he really didn't know how to react. She took the drink and took a long sip from it before placing it on the table in front of her. She looked up at him, "That is all you can say?" Aidan sat down on the coffee table in front of her, put the beer away and took her hands into his. "No, it's just... I don't know what to say, I don't know what you want me to say. You confuse me; I confuse myself. I don't want to be confused anymore." The whole time he had looked at their hands but he had looked up at her almost pleadingly as he had said the last sentence. There it was, he had said something silly, something emotional. He had said something real. "There is the key.” He frowned. "The key? What key, what is the key?" He wasn't quite sure what she was talking about, he just wished he'd understand more of what was going on with all of this. "We have to quite talking in sarcastic volleys, Aidan," she let her hands rest in his, her eyes staring into his. "Trust me that is not going to be easy for me, but we are only going to stay confused and running in circles if we keep taking cheap shots at each other all the time." "I know, even though it's weird coming from you, but I know. It's just... I don't know, easier that way, I guess... I mean, somehow…you know." Oh god, now he was sounding like an idiot. What was up with him, he had never had a problem talking to women, why was this different all of a sudden? He was stuttering, and it was, oddly enough, kind of cute. "Yes I know Aidan." she took a deep breath. "This is not going to be easy..." "I've never really been with a woman," he suddenly blurted out without even knowing where that was coming from. Right about now he started to wish they had gone to the shuttle bay so he could throw himself out before he'd make it any worse. "I mean, I've been with a woman, I just... it wasn't anything, you know... nothing... I don't know... it never really meant much... to either." He shortly contemplated to run out and ask Colonel Harper for permission to go on a suicide mission to get the General, he had never in his entire life made such a fool out of himself. Lexia held her fingers up to his lips, not in a condescending way, but in a loving type of way. He was grasping for words, rambling and trying to say everything except what needed to be said; what they both needed to say and hear since this all began. What they both knew, but were afraid to admit. She summoned every ounce of courage she had, "Aidan." He looked at her but didn't say a word, for some reason he wanted to run away but at the same time he wanted to stay, it all didn't make sense to him. So he just looked at her and waited for her to finish what she was about to say. "I think I love you."

Dr. Lexia Tordai & Lt., J.g Aidan Driscol Aidan suddenly found himself to be alone with Lexia, who was still working at her console pretending she didn't care what he did. Socom had gone off somewhere with the files on the virus and Dr Levy had gone back to her office. So, Aidan decided to find out what was wrong with Lexia. "So, are you going to ignore me for a while? Or can we talk like grown ups?" She looked up at him, her voice calm and neutral, but her eyes giving her emotion away slightly. "We are both over the age considered adulthood. I would therefore assume we may speak as adults..." "That's fine with me; you're the one sulking like a teenager because a woman I had dinner with once smiled at me." Aidan frowned and wondered why Lexia would have a problem with it anyway. Even if Kairi and he had suddenly decided to get married, he would have assumed that Lexia would have been glad about it; that would mean she'd be seeing less of him after all. Her eyes flickered. "This is not about Kairi," she rounded the console to stand closer to him, allowing her to lower her voice. All of Sickbay need not know her personal business. Aidan leaned against a console across from her, watching her intently with his arms crossed in front of him. "Oh? And what would this be about then? First you give me a smile, the first one ever, mind you, and then act as if I deserve capital punishment." He sighed and then added in an almost pleading voice. "You need to talk to me Lexia, I cannot read your mind." "Fine," she leaned against the console opposite him. Calling upon every blunt atom in her body she said what she had been avoiding, probably at the cost of her mental sanity, since they had started working together. "This is about us." Aidan grabbed the console he was leaning against as he felt a bit surprised by this. "About us? What about us?" "Gods, Driscol, do not play dumb now." She placed her hand to her head and sighed deeply. "You know exactly what I mean. Probably better then I do." Raising an eyebrow he looked at her again. This was annoying and he strained to keep his voice down. "No, Lexia, I do not know what this is about. One day you seem to like me and the next you act as if you hate my guts, How am I ever supposed to know what this is about? What is it about us that makes you do this?" She looked back up at him, "Some psychologists call it trust issues, some call it the inability to commit....Honestly I am not sure what I call it at this point." She paused to let that sink in then continued, despite the inner voice yelling for her to stop. "Things have reached a point, however, where I have to make a decision, or else this is simply unfair to you." She paused, allowing him a chance to speak. Aidan walked over to her and crossed his arms again to make sure she wouldn't get the wrong impression. "You and I both know this has been unfair to me from the very beginning, and I've not said a word. I'm a big boy, you know, I can decide for myself what's unfair and what isn't." One of these days she'd drive him up the wall, he knew as much about her. "Point taken," she felt a pang as he crossed his arms. Had she fought with herself to long? "I told a bit of a lie..." "Excuse me?" This was getting better by the minute. He thought back to his dinner with Kairi and the pleasant conversation, the bit of harmless flirting they had done. That's how it was supposed to start off, not by two people constantly being at each other's throats. Aidan lowered his defenses a bit, which meant he stopped crossing his arms. "When will you finally talk to me?" "Now," she said leaning back against the console, "you want the honest truth, here it is." She took a deep breath in preparation for the next few sentences. "When rumor found its way to me that you had 'lunched' with Kairi..." she paused, swallowing, "Well it made me wonder..." "About what? I had a huge steak with fries because I was starving, she had salad, we looked at the stars, we talked about stuff, had a good time after bridge duty. I don't see how that concerns us, I believe the last time you and I ate together you couldn't wait to get rid of me." This was worse than pulling teeth, what was Lexia getting at? It wasn't like Kairi and he had ripped the clothes off of each other in the mess hall or anywhere else for that matter. "It made me wonder if I had waited to late, argued with myself to long," she did not pause long enough for him to speak this time, the floodgates had opened and it all began to spill out. "Then that made me wonder why I was holding myself back in the first place. What I told you in my quarters, that was true; but the more I think about it the more I realize that in reality that is an excuse...it has been over half a year,..." She took a deep breath. "My point is..." she knew he wanted her to just say it, to just get to the fracking point, "my point is..." Again he leaned against a console but this time it was the one Lexia had been working at. He was simply waiting for her to admit it to herself, he knew she'd have to say it otherwise she'd just doubt things again and try to make him believe she hadn't meant that at all. She made a compromise in her mind, "I am not disinclined to your company, Aidan," she turned to him as she said the words, knowing that they were not exactly what he had wanted to hear, but hoping they were enough. At this Aidan laughed. "Sometimes you should listen to yourself. Well, I'm not disinclined to yours either, but maybe we can enjoy each other's company once you stop acting as if it were something despicable you have to fight." He was close to just storming out of sickbay despite knowing how difficult it must have been for Lexia to admit as much, he was not going to let her play with him. That's nothing he was interested in anymore and he wanted to make sure she knew that. She did not look at him when next she spoke, "I'm not simply talking about two friends going to the holodeck, Aidan." She had comes this far, might as well cross the next bridge. She reached back and placed her hands on the console subconsciously for support. "I know what you're talking about, but I just want to make sure you know what you're talking about as well. Because I'm pretty sure that sometimes you don't quite know that." The rage that had flared up inside of him subsided, this wasn't the place for that and the rage had nothing to do with her. She turned, suddenly aware of how close he was standing, "I know what I am talking about. It just took me a while to figure it out." Aidan chuckled. "Half the time you have no clue, admit it." She smiled, tension leaving her body. "Do not tell anybody, ok?" He grinned and put his hand on the one of hers that was still resting on the console and very gently squeezed it. "You'd be surprised at the things I actually keep to myself, Doctor." She turned her hand so their palms touched, not saying anything, but just looking at him for a moment. Aidan slowly leaned in and stopped moving as his lips were only inched away from her ear. "We need to talk, I'll drop by your quarters when you get off." After that he backed away again. "I have to go back to work now, I'll see you later." She simply nodded in response.

Lt. Commander Kansas JoNs & Dr. Lexia Tordai Lexia stood outside the office door, the feeling in the pit of her stomach about to overwhelm her. It was the same feeling that had been growing ever since she spoke with Aidan. Her mind was still reeling. She was unsure why she had felt the need to confess everything to the man. She certainly did not intend to make a habit of it. She did, however, intend to make a few things right. She took a deep breath and chimed the door. Kansas placed the report she had been reading on standby and turned her attention from the monitor to the office door. "Enter." Lexia strode through as the door swished aside. She had never been in the Security offices until this point, and found the room a bit intimidating...of course it could also be the fact that across the desk sat the woman she had nearly come to blows with not too long ago. "Good day, ma'am," Lexia said, not letting any of her inner anxiety show though in her voice. JoNs was surprised, but she was also extremely wary. "Doctor. And this visit is for what?" Her directness was in full swing however. "This visit is concerning the late Mr. Burnes," Lexia said automatically, she may be a mental wreck here lately, but her frankness had not gone on vacation. She realized however, that the statement may have been a bit too frank for her business with the kitty. Leonine features tightened in anger, and the Caitian slowly rose from her seat behind the desk. "Doctor Tordai..." the simple statement of the medical woman’s name held a warning. "I'm sorry," Lexia bowed her head, if only slightly. "I was wrong...and I am sorry," she looked back up at the Cait, her icy cold exterior might have been pierced, but her eyes still held the same fiery spirit they had since she was born...even if she was apologizing. "....I see." JoNs felt an overwhelming urge to verbally lay into the medical doctor, but held her temper. "...apology accepted." The manners she had been taught won out however. "Please have a seat." Lexia took the seat offered and looked up to meet the other woman's eyes. "I thought I could save him, Commander. I really did." The feline security chief re-seated herself, her tired eyes meeting Tordai's. "I know you did Doctor. Sometimes when one gets an idea in their head, it is hard to let go of that conviction." "I'm not sorry for trying to save Burnes," Lexia added, "and I am not sorry for the things I said. I am, however, sorry for the way I said them." Lexia shifted in the seat, recent events had left her drained mentally and physically. "I should have treated you and many others with a lot more respect." The Trill could not believe all this was coming out of her mouth. "Doctor I will be honest. You came that close..." two paw digits showed a one inch gap between them, "to getting knocked on your rear end. With that said, it is all in the past now. Let's move on, agreed?" Lexia stood and extended her hand. "Agreed." A warm paw wrapped around the hand. "Aye. Agreed." Lexia nodded and turned to leave. "Thank you for your time, Commander." "...Doctor?" Lexia stopped and turned. "Yes?" She was unsure what the Cait could possibly want. A gentle, fanged smile was directed at her. "Thank you for trying. Have a good one." "Anytime, ma'am. Anytime."

Ensign Aidan Driscol & Dr. Lexia Tordai Aidan was sitting on Lexia's desk staring absent mindedly into space, thinking about the virus. There had to be a cure, but he supposed it didn't matter that much anymore. It felt good not to be under so much pressure anymore. What he didn't realize was that while he was absorbed in his thoughts his eyes had been fixed on Lexia. Lexia was working on a console, her mind was still racing from her harried sleep and the conversation with Aidan in her quarters. At the thought, her eyes flirted behind her. He was sitting on her desk. She turned, "There are ch-" she stopped herself, it did not really matter. She leaned against the console, noting that he seemed to be off in space somewhere. "Driscol?" From somewhere far away he heard someone call his name. "Huh? Sorry, I was... thinking about the virus. What is it?" In his mind Aidan compared the Lexia he'd seen in her quarters and the one that was standing right in front of him. They were two different people. What was it with him? He needed to focus. She turned back around and began typing on the console. "While you are thinking about it, see if you can solve it..." She logged back in and leaned over the microscopic viewer. The tiny elements of life swam around in the dish below her. Aidan hopped off the desk and strolled over to her casually leaning against the console next to her, his arms crossed in front of him. "Are you ever going to stop that?" "Stop what?" she asked not looking up from the sample. She reached around to adjust the viewer. She sighed, it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. "Stop being so... you know, like that." He found it strangely fun to have conversations like that with her. He didn't even know why, because mostly she'd just get annoyed with him anyway, but he figured that this was the only way to get her to... well, to what exactly? Like him? "No, I won't," she said matter-of-factly, her eyes rising tiredly from the micro-viewer. She switched the device off and leaned back against the console, rubbing her temples. "Those things can give you quite the headache; I remember having to stare through them for hours during the academy classes." This was a peace offer, he didn't want to go too far as he was very well aware of the fact that what had happened between them the other day was by no means a guarantee of friendship between them. "But", he hesitated for a moment, " why do you still act like you hate me?" She opened her eyes and looked at him, a true look of puzzlement on her face. "I do not hate you," she walked over to the replicator as she spoke. "Lady Grey, warm." She knew she did not hate him, but that drew the question of exactly how did she feel... Within a few strides he stood behind her making sure he'd keep an appropriate distance between them, but still close enough to possibly startle her when she turned around. "Sometimes... ah, never mind doesn't matter. Coffee, no milk, sugar." She heard his footfalls behind her and turned to face him. "No, what?" she asked. She was tired of playing shadow games. “If a sentence is good enough to start it is good enough to finish.” He sighed as he took his coffee and looked right at her. "Sometimes every word out of your mouth feels like a punch in the stomach." It was the truth, this is how he felt at times, no matter how hard he tried she pushed him away, and then out of nowhere she had told him all these personal things. Was she just playing? "The best defense is a good offense..." she said walking back over to the console. She had assumed her reasons for pushing him away had been made quite clear that night in her quarters. Maybe he did understand and just did not accept how hard it was for her to let him, anyone, close. Or perhaps he did not grasp the point of what she had told him. She sighed heavily, feeling a bit guilty at the pain she knew his mind was suffering. Guilt...what a familiar emotion. "I'm sorry," she turned. Her eyes glanced about the room; Socom had gone off into another Section of Sickbay and Levy was still in her office. "I really am. I know you must be quite confused." Her voice held a steady tone, but it was not harsh. Aidan put aside his cup. "You don't have to be sorry. I mean, it's just confusing, one day you show me this vulnerable side of you, which is a good thing, and the other day it's like that hasn't happened. Makes me wonder if you wish it hadn't." He picked his cup up again, to have something to hold on to, or something to hide behind, something symbolic that said I respect the distance between us. She took the mug out of his hands and laid it on the console. "I'm not sorry it happened, you needed to know. I did not want," she placed her mug beside his and began to walk around the console, hoping she would find the words on the other side. "I did not want you to think that it was something personal against you. Because it's not." Aidan looked down at his hands as she took the cup out of them, strangely aware of her skin against his for a split second. "Lexia?" She placed both her hands on the console and looked at him, noting that he did not call her Dr. Tordai, he did not call her Doc...he called her Lexia. She considered for a moment, looking at him. "Yes, Aidan?" "You didn't tell me so I wouldn't take things personally. You don't care much for other people's feelings, I mean, I know where you're coming from, I'm not trying to offend you... I'm just", he shrugged, "confused I guess." He watched her closely careful not to misread her and to just shut up if she was signaling him to do so in any way. "I used to care," her eyes did not move from his. "Sometimes I would like..." she trailed off, walking around the console, ending the first sentence and starting a new one. "I told you because I needed to tell someone." She came to rest standing in front of him with the console behind her. "Sentences that are worth starting are worth ending, remember? Why me then? Because I walked into your quarters after you had a bad dream?" He didn't like thinking he might just have been some random person, that it could have been anyone. It irked him that he felt like this about the whole thing, too. "No, because you cared." She turned around, not wanting to face him at that moment. "Trust me; most people just avoid me after they meet me. You didn't..." Like when he was in her quarters he walked up to her placing his hand on her shoulder. It was a gesture of reaching out to her more than anything else. He felt that she needed to know she was worth that, despite all the guilt she felt. He said in a soft and calm voice: "Of course I care, how could I not care about someone who's part of my... well, family, I suppose. Someone who's clearly going through a hard time." She leaned back against the console, missing the buttons only barely. "I...I" for once in her life Lexia found herself speechless. Aidan smiled and removed his hand not wanting to overdo things. Not wanting to make her feel embarrassed he changed the topic. "So, what are we going to do about the virus?" Lexia blinked a couple of times, her mind shifting gears. "Now who is changing faces," she smiled, making sure he knew she was joking. Joking.... He laughed. "We can talk more when we're off duty; I just thought that you probably wouldn't want Dr Levy or Dr Socom over hearing us. They'd start thinking you had feelings." Aidan followed her lead of joking, but looked at her and hoped he'd made it clear he was not pushing her away. She smirked and stood beside him working. "No, we wouldn't want them thinking that..." She smiled up at him, something telling her that they would know in time.

Ensign Aidan Driscol & Dr. Lexia Tordai Lexia moaned in her sleep, the tranq was beginning to wear off, but she had yet to break out of her dreams and back to the real world nightmare around her. She turned and buried her unconscious head in her pillow. Aidan was bored but hadn't been cleared to go back to work, yet. So, he had decided to see how Lexia was doing, he hadn't seen her since she had left him sitting in the closet. He was walking down the corridor to her quarters hoping this time his visit wouldn't be a disaster. Stopping at her door he chimed. Lexia sat strait up in bed, her mind still trapped somewhere between dreams and reality. Was that another scream or was it a chime? She opened her eyes and quickly dried them with the sleeve of her shirt. Her mind whirled back into reality, though still groggy from the tranq. She placed her feet on the ground and stood, a bit wobbly. "Com...computer, who is at my door?"" The computer responded in its quick and chipper manner. "Ensign Aidan Driscol." Lexia sighed and straitened her shirt. She had promised the man an explanation and she figured this was as good a time as any. "Come." Aidan entered her quarters; his smile vanished as soon as he saw her. She looked like hell. This time he deliberately only stepped in and then stopped, he didn't want to intrude and waited for her to either invite him to stay or to throw him out again. "Hello Doctor Tordai, I seem to have woken you up, I'm sorry, I shall just leave and let you sleep." Lexia grabbed a brush off the night stand and began to brush the tangles out of her hair. Only the gods knew how long she had slept, but by the state of her black locks she assumed quite a while. It had been quite some time since Lexia had been around anyone with her hair down out of the tight bun she usually wore. "No, come in," she said simply, looking at the chrono on the wall. She had been asleep for nearly 14 hours, but still felt drained. Motioning to the sofa Aidan asked: "Mind if I sit down? I'm still supposed to be in bed too, orders from your chief, but I find it impossible to relax. It must be even harder for you I suppose." "Have a seat," she said moving to the replicator after securing her hair in its usual bun. She replicated herself a cup of Lady Grey and turned to Driscol. "Something to drink?" "Oh yes please, orange juice. I suppose I could do with the vitamins. I bet my doc would be proud of me for that choice." He tried to keep the conversation light for now. She handed him a glass with the orange liquid, the color bringing a twinge to her face after her earlier dreams, and sat down on the other end of the couch. "I guess your Doctor is Levy now, for the best, my bedside manner is dismal according to some." "Actually it's Doctor Socom, I was told I'm pregnant, too. And your bedside manners are just something people have to get used to." He noticed her being... well, he didn't quite know what she was, but she definitely wasn’t being herself. He didn't want to pry though. Lexia had made a decision. She was going to tell him, everything. Part of her said it was because he would not leave her alone otherwise and part of her said it was just time. That decision made her stomach knot; it made her mind whirl, and it made her sick. She had carefully crafted her shield and wore it proudly around her; how the hell had this junior science officer cracked it? She took a sip. "Pregnant? It is not mine," she said dryly, bit with a smirk, if only a little one. The action felt odd to her lips, it had been a long time. The irony of the situation was not lost on her; ten minutes ago she was screaming in terror, and now she was smirking from a snide comment. It is time for this to stop she told herself silently, at least with him. Aidan had stuck around, no matter how bitchy she had gotten or how bad she had treated him. He deserved the truth. He was taken aback a bit by her comment; her sense of humor surprised him although it was quiet refreshing. "Ah, admit it, you wish it were." He made sure his voice conveyed that this wasn't meant to tease her but merely a harmless joke. She stood, Lexia had always been to the point and direct, now was no time for exceptions. "This is your first posting, correct?" She walked to the viewport and stared out. "Well, I was briefly assigned to Jupiter Station, although it had always been clear that it was a temporary thing, so pretty much, yes. I'm only 22 and I only have this one life time." He frowned as he had no idea where she was going with this. "Are you aware this is not my first posting?" she turned, her bluntness surprising even her a bit. "I figured, as you're a joined Trill. That's why I said relaxing must be harder for you than it could ever be for me, memories of lifetimes instead of just 22 years." He hoped he wasn't going too far and he watched her intently still wondering what this was about. "No, I meant this lifetime, not the others." She took a sip of her tea. She looked at him "This was not Lexia's first posting." Tordai rarely spoke of her current form in the third person, but it made the point clearer. Aidan nodded, he understood. "Okay, so in the 25 years as Lexia Tordai this isn't your first posting. I'm sorry, but I'm confused as to what you're trying to tell me. I'm not meaning to cut you off, this is just... well... very much unlike you." He felt that she was inwardly struggling and trying to get something out. "I was a member of the Gideon's crew." Lexia turned back away from him and back to the stars. She wanted to continue, but the words just would not come, so she stood silent for a moment. Aidan felt the way he did back in the closet with her, very helpless, he would have liked to comfort her in some way but he didn't know how and he also didn't want to cross any lines. "Doc... I mean... Lexia..." That was all he managed to say, he was at a loss for words not being sure what she wanted to hear or if, indeed, she wanted to hear anything. Help me, doc...please, the plea rang through Lexia's mind and the tears returned. She caught herself and quickly wiped the tears away. "Have you ever lost anyone close to you, Aidan?" Slowly he shook his head. "My father is a marine, he was MIA for a couple of weeks once. My grandfather died, but I hardly ever saw him anyway what with my Dad being stationed all over the Galaxy and them being back on Earth. So, no, I haven't." Aidan got up and walked over to her, he hoped he wouldn't be going too far, but he helped he had to do something. He couldn't even begin to understand how she must be feeling, especially having bottled up these emotions for so long. Gently he placed a hand on her shoulder. She felt the warmth of his hand, but did not turn. Neither did she remove his hand; she just stood there and continued talking. "I had not been on board for a terribly long time. However the Gideon was a tight knit ship," she turned to look at him, "Only a handful survived, most of those who did, I barely knew." She opened her mouth to continue, but her voice caught. "I swore....I swore to help them, to heal them...." He stood across from her. His hand still on her shoulder he looked into her eyes. "You're a Doctor Lexia, and I'm sure you did all you could, but you're no superhero. I know there's nothing anybody in the Galaxy could say to take all the pain away from you, but it wasn't your fault, you saved as many as you could." She looked at him. "It was not enough, it can never be enough." She turned from him, slinging his hand off her shoulder and walking to the table. She leaned against it, her mind shuffling through the haunted memories to continue her story. "I lost everything that was dear to me like that," she made a snapping sound with her fingers. "Do you realize..." She stopped herself and took a quick breath. "Do I realize what?" Now she had started talking about things Aidan wanted her to keep going instead of bottling things up again. "The Gideon crew is dead. How long until the same can be said of the Agincourt crew?" she took a quick breath, hunting for the words, "we could lose half the crew in one battle. You could die, I could die...." she trailed off, her point made. Sitting back down Aidan sighed. "Yes, we all could die, but I would like to live some before I die. I mean, you can go ahead and hide behind that wall of yours or you can enjoy the few days or weeks or months we still have left. And I know that hiding won't make anything better if the Agincourt got destroyed and you survived, it would still hurt and you'd still feel guilty. We're all stuck here together, we're family, sort of." His words sank deep into her mind, cooling the river of fire that had begun to stir again; the tranq was wearing off and she was starting to put up her shield again. "I will not let myself hurt like that again," leaning back against the table she sighed. Aidan got up again and looked at her. "Well Doctor Tordai, if that's how you think you've already lost. I understand that this must be difficult for you but it's time to let go and stop depriving yourself of things because of "if's". If that's your argument then why would anybody risk a relationship of any kind?" He slowly walked over to the door and he didn't expect her to stop him. "Aidan" Surprised he turned around. "Yes?" She sat back down on the couch, slowly. "Please...." It had been a long time since Lexia admitted this to anyone. It had been a long time since she had even considered the words. She had spent her entire time on Agincourt trying to cultivate an air of exactly the opposite. She had spent much time trying to distance herself… She looked up at him, tears streaking her cheeks. "I do not want to be alone." Stunned Aidan stood rooted to the spot and looked at her, he thought he must not have understood the words correctly. After a couple of seconds however, he went back to the sofa and sat down next to her, careful to giver her enough space without trying to seem too distant. "You're not alone, you never were."

Lexia had made her way from the bridge to her quarters, and then barely to her bed before falling down. Harper probably thought she was insane, or a bleeding heart. Most of the crew probably though she was a bleeding heart of late, or at least that she was a bit out of her mind. But what Harper, and probably no one else on the ship knew was the true reason behind Lexia's recent meltdown. She was not simply a bleeding heart medic who had lost a patient. The Gareem/Soltan incident had served as a catalyst, sure enough, but it was not the primary cause of her current mental state. The death of crewman Burne had been a hard one, but Lexia had lost patients before. What the death of that crewman did was serve as a trauma which jarred all the rest loose. Lexis's head sank deep into the pillow and closed her eyes as salty tears stung at them. Screams, shouts, agonizing cries of pain and death. She was back, again, amidst it all. Lexia blinked and looked around, surrounding her were the dead and dying. Her hands were warm, more so them usual. She looked down and saw the red tint of blood staining the surface of her hands. She screamed. She was back in her quarters, in a cold sweat atop the comforter of her bed. Lexia took a few ragged, deep breaths and then rolled off the bed. She walked to the replicator and typed in her command for Lady Grey, unable to speak. The mug materialized and she wrapped her fingers around it. She sat down on her couch and stared out at the stars, trying to calm her troubled mind. The tea was soothing as it stretched down her throat and her breath slowly returned to normal. She sat there for only a few moments before the exhaustion overtook her again. She laid the mug down in the floor and leaned over onto one of the throw pillows, still staring out into the stars. She should be able to handle this. Tordai had experienced many pains in the various forms the symbiont had taken… Someone was grabbing her ankle; she looked down and gasped at what she saw. A crewman was holding fast to her ankle "Help me, doc...please..." the left side of his face as streaked orange with blood, the right was a bloody mess to the point of not looking human. Lexia knelt down and reached behind her for the medkit. She turned, looking for the kit and turned back after finding it. The crewman was gone. She stood and looked at her hands. They were as clean as if she were about to go into surgery. She exited the cargo bay, all was silent. She walked to a turbo lift and made her way swiftly back to Sickbay. It was a ghost town; no one was in sight nor hearing range. She turned and ran to the turbolift and quickly made her way to the bridge her breath quickening with every step. As she burst out onto the bridge, it too was eerily silent. She saw that someone was sitting in the command chair and ran around to it, "Captain, what is go-" she stopped short and nearly fell to her knees at what she saw. The charred remains of her captain sat in the seat, the face of the corpse frozen at the moment of death; a mask of shear terror. And it started again, moans filled the room and bodies writhed on the floor. Lexia grabbed the nearest medkit she could find and turned to start triage. A blinding light shone in her eyes. Lexia bolted upright on the couch, sure her cry could be heard over the entire deck. She stood and knocked over the mug. Swearing she picked it up and put it in the replicator to be recycled. She quickly grabbed a towel from the bathroom and sopped up the mess. Drying her eyes she moved to the replicator and entered her medical clearance. She replicated a sleep aid and then administered it. The aid would not calm her dreams but it would force her to stay asleep, at least for a while. She laid back down on her bed as the medicine took effect…and it started again. A scream.

Dr. Lexia Tordai & Ensign Aidan Driscol "The procedure being a success has little bearing at this time. The patient did not survive," the rational part of Lexia's mind knew the last two comments she said were conflicting; but the rational part of her brain was currently the last thing controlling her. "I will prepare a report. Tordai out," she turned on her comm and stood silent for a moment. As her mind began to venture out into the real world she found herself hunting Aida. She found him in a supply closet. "I....I thought...." she placed her back to the wall across from him and slid down it, pulling her knees up to her chest and placing her forehead on her kneecaps. Aidan looked up at her seeing her vulnerable for the first time. He found it somewhat strange to see her like that. Lexia had always been that tough woman hiding her emotions behind a wall of concrete, except for her despise for him. "You thought he'd make it?" His voice shook a little, he had never known Burne but he had invested so much into this, he was exhausted and devastated. Lexia looked up, salty tears stinging the corners of her eyes. It was the first time in a long time she had experienced that feeling in public. "I thought we had it....we were so close...so close." Her voice was shaking and her shoulders were following suit. Frowning he sat there and just looked at her unsure what to do. After a long moment of silence he moved over to Lexia's side of the wall and sat next to her. "I thought he'd have a good chance, but the change was too much stress for his system." As usual he tried to rationalize everything, it helped him cope, he hoped it'd help Lexia too. She leaned the back of her head against the wall, its cold metal surface cooling her sweating scalp. "I got my chance....." Lexia seemed to be talking to herself, not to Driscol himself. Her voice cracked as the last syllable escaped and she began to openly cry, not giving a damn anymore. Aidan still felt helpless; he didn't know what he could do for the woman sitting next to him. A couple of times she had wanted to kill him and now she was crying in front of him. So he decided not to push his luck and just sat there saying nothing. Lexia stood, taking one last sniff and then drying up her tears as if by sheer will alone. "We need to file a report," she looked at him. "We still have our jobs to do, and I have a few people I need to speak with." "Yes, so we go back to business as usual then." He nodded. Of course they couldn't let this get to them, but they'd deserved a few minutes of just... well, of just doing what exactly, staring at the wall? Crying? He didn't know, this wasn't anything they'd been trained for at the academy. Lexia paused, considering him for a moment. "Business, yes...but the usual has run its course for me." She knew her words would be cryptic to the man. Maybe he would understand in time, maybe he would not. Whether the young man in front of her ever understood the dark visions that haunted her dreams really made no matter. "I should get to the bridge." Aidan frowned again. "I don't get you Doc, but it's not my business to do that. And before you feel the need to threaten to kill me, I will not tell anybody about your little emotional outburst. I'm sure you wouldn't want anybody to know you have emotions." He was a bit irritated; Lexia just did that to him. Interacting with her was very frustrating at times, like repeatedly running full speed against a wall. Lexia laid a hand gently on his shoulder. "I'm sorry Aidan," her voice was as soft as she had heard it in a long time. "But this is neither the time nor place for explanations. Later..." She paused, letting what she had said soak in. "I'm sorry," she repeated, and walked out of the closet, into main sickbay. Surprised he looked after her thoughtfully putting his hand on the spot where hers had been only a second ago. This was the last thing he'd have expected her to do or say. Part of him wanted to run after her and part of him just wanted to stay hidden in the closet for a little bit longer, so he decided to stay. She wouldn't run away after all.

Joint Log Colonel Harper Dr. Lexia Tordai She stepped into the turbolift, a woman on a mission, "Bridge." Lexia had waited a full 10 minutes to ensure that Driscol was well on his way wherever the hell he was going so as not to run into him, then she had stood and walked out of the Mess Hall. She had considered going to JoNs, but seeing as how well that discussion had gone last time she thought better. The lift stopped and she stepped out on the bridge. The stations were buzzing with activity and life seemed to be going on at a normal pace aboard the vessel. Life...that word hung on Lexia's mind like a leech clings to skin. She turned away from the life of the bridge and chimed the Ready Room door, intent on life of another. Harper slowly became aware of the chime of the door, looking away from her contemplation of the warp-streaked stars. "Come," she called. Taking a sip of her coffee, she pulled a face; it had gone stone-cold while she stargazed and pondered. Lexia walked through the door and stood in the Colonel's office. She waited for the Colonel to speak, unsure for once in her life how to start a conversation. "Doctor," the colonel greeted her tiredly. Another problem cropping up; another voice demanding a hearing. "What can I do for you?" Lexia opened her mouth, but her tone was not the normal harsh clip that it normally manifested as. "Colonel," Lexia said almost hushed. "I want to talk about Burne." She took a few steps forward. "Somehow I'm not surprised." But she waved the ensign to a seat anyway. "What is it you'd like to bend my ear about?" Lexia chose a seat where she could see out the viewport. She sat and looked out into the cosmos, seeming to contemplate the universe for a few long moments. When she spoke, she seemed not herself. "I know I do not have a reputation of tolerance or kindheartedness on this vessel," she began. Harper nodded, putting the cold coffee aside and devoting her attention to the young doctor. She waited as patiently as someone who'd been awake too long could do. "I cannot do it, Colonel." Lexia said after what seemed like an eternity. She turned to Harper, looking the other woman in the eyes. "I have been around death a lot...over the centuries I have become accustomed to it as a part of life...But I cannot watch this man die needlessly." Lexia shifted in her seat. Testily, she replied, "Do you think I like it? It was bad enough when he and the others were taken. Marines don't leave people behind -- it's drilled into us early. And now we get him back, only not..." She shook her head. "Do you think I like it?" she repeated. "We might be able to save him Colonel, all I am asking is a chance to try," Lexia countered, some of the fire coming back into her. "If that makes me a bleeding heart, so be it. But I cannot watch an innocent man die when I have not done everything I can to save him." Harper sighed. "I've seen the proposal," she said. "It seems like a slim chance at best. Commander JoNs makes a valid point about mercy killing." Lexia stood and took a few steps towards the door, then paused and turned to Harper. "Is that something you can live with? Turning down even the slightest chance to save one of your own?" "Did I say I'd made that decision?" Exasperation was getting the better of her. It seemed lately that everyone wanted to believe the worst of her, as though Sin's joke about the Queen of Hearts had been prophetic. "I did give medical the go-ahead for further experimentation." "You might want to tell that to Lt. JoNs before she shoots the men herself," Lexia snapped; nights of not sleeping and days and unrest had torn her edges. "I trust the commander to follow procedure and orders," Harper snapped back. "Unlike other departments, hers has a history of compliance." A thousand things went through Lexia's mind, about twenty of them nearly escaped before she reminded herself she was standing in the presence of her commanding officer. She caught the snap in Harpers voice that had been in her own. "Working well with others was never my strongest suit, sir," she started, not making an excuse but trying to explain, "I understand that I rub many people the wrong way." She sighed and for the briefest of a moment the fire in her eyes seemed to dim a bit; this virus had brought Lexia to the end of her rope for reasons she could not fully explain here and now. It was neither the time nor place. "All I want is a chance," she finally concluded, the pleading in her voice stinging her tongue as if she had swallowed a bee. "Just a chance." The colonel bit her tongue before another sarcastic retort could escape. She looked out at the warp trails again, feeling weary of these endless rounds of debate. "You have a chance, Doctor," she said quietly. "Go and use it, instead of arguing with me." "Aye, sir," Lexia turned and left without another word.

Joint Log Ensign Aidan Driscol Dr. Lexia Tordai Lexia was, as usual, sitting at a table by herself. She sat staring out a viewport and eating her dinner; nobody came around to talk to her, and she figured nobody would. She took a sip out of the mug and placed her feet on the chair across the table. After his meeting with Lieutenant Commander JoNs Aidan felt the need to go to a crowded place instead of his quarters. As he couldn't remember when he had last eaten he went to the mess hall to get some food even though he didn't feel hungry. BLT sandwich in hand he spottet Doctor Tordai and decided to brighten her day. When he reached her table he stopped and cleared his throat. "May I join you Doctor?" She paused mid-bite...he was determined; she had to give him that. "I have the feeling that even if I say no, you are still going to." He half chuckled. "Don't worry, I have news you will want to hear and I would like to apologize for my behaviors in your quarters." She kicked the chair out across the table. "Have a seat, Ensign, you have two minutes to explain why you barged into my quarters and acted like you owned them." Aidan took a seat and looked at her. "Mainly because I had something to tell you. Why did I behave like a prick? You probably don't want to know. I'm sorry about that is all I can say." "Oh no, I think I want to know," she crossed her arms and stared at him, waiting for a response. She glared through him as if to pry his reasoning from him by force if necessary; she was growing weary of this man’s behavior. Shaking his head and raising his hands in a 'I give up' gesture he answered, " Ever since I met you you've been perfectly horrible to me. Maybe you just are like that; I'm beginning to think you just might be. Call me stupid but I was hoping I would find a way to act more... I don't even know. Either way, I was frustrated with the Soltan situation, with you, and with my chief. I took it out on you." She sipped her drink, "So you were hoping to make me treat you better by making an ass out of yourself?" She placed her glass down and crossed her legs. She raised a single eyebrow. Aidan laughed. "No, I did and you kept being yourself, so I got frustrated and that made me make an ass out of myself." She nodded, slowly, "So the fact I would not change made you act the way you did?" "But I don't want you to change, I just thought that nobody can always be this unapproachable. And being yelled at all day by various people didn't help either." He figured it was a good sign that he'd gotten to talk to her for more than the granted 2 minutes. She poked at her food with her fork, finally taking another bite. "For me to be so unapproachable, you seem to be approaching me a lot." He frowned at that. Was that another way of her telling him to leave him alone or was that something else? "I was ordered to work with you. You're a challenge. And I like you for some very inexplicable reason." "What is the news?" she asked bluntly, sipping form her warm mug again. She uncrossed her legs and sat a bit straighter. And she was back to her normal self. "You will be happy to hear that I won't have an excuse to hang out in sickbay anymore." "Oh?" "Security won't let us anywhere near the Soltans for now. And they might be disposed of soon." "And what of our proposal about Burne," Lexia's voice held an edge to it. They may have finally found a way to save the man and now security, led by that furball, was telling them they could not touch him? Lexia could not fathom why security was so hell bent on not letting the medics try and save their own man. He sighed at that. "He... they're a danger to all of us. There's no guarantee that it will work. I'm sorry, I tried but... it just wasn't good enough. We lost as much as we hate that." Lexia used every reserve of self control on her drained state not to throw her mug across the room, "But I thought the Colonels gave permission?" Shaking his head he looked at her. "I haven't heard a thing from the Colonels; I haven't heard a thing from anybody. I don't like this either." Lexia traced the edges of her mug with her finger tips. She sat there for a moment, and then looked up. "Is there anything else to report?" "Nothing, no. I suppose this means you want to get rid of me again." "You two minutes are long expired." She was driving him mad. "Yes, I know that. I'm sorry to have wasted your time." Aidan picked up his sandwich and looked at her again. She sat motionless, staring past him at the stars out the viewport. Her eyes were not focused on any given point...just staring. As he felt like he would not be able to eat anything he dropped the sandwich again and got up, leaving her to her own little world. Maybe she was just as hopeless as finding a cure for the virus. Her eyes glanced at the sandwich for a moment. She looked over its edges; it had been bitten a few times. Nibbled was probably a better term for what had been done to the sandwich, she corrected herself. Someone had made that sandwich, picked it up and started to eat it. Now it laid abandoned on a table destined to be trashed. Abandoned...the word rang in her mind. She turned back to the stars.

Lt. Commander JoNs padded silently down the corridor, clad in Fleet issue workout attire. When she arrived at the quarters that she wanted, she composed herself for a few seconds, and then swept a paw across the indicator panel, alerting the occupant inside. The Trill looked up from her plate at the door. She wiped her mouth with the napkin, pulling it from her lap and sitting it on the table. She stood, still wearing her duty uniform minus the over shirt. She mumbled as she walked to the door and hit the open button. "Yes?" The felinoid offered a wane smile. "Doctor; sorry to disturb you. May I come in? This will take but a moment." Lexia drummed her fingers along the side of the doorframe, loath to let the furball in her quarters. She would much rather had slammed the close button and went back to her table. She eyed the Caitian a moment, then begrugdedly stepped aside. The furball inclined her head in a respectful nod of thanks, and then entered the Trill’s inner sanctum. She wasted no time on getting to the reason for her visit. "I just wanted to apologize to you for my behavior at the staff meeting - I am sorry for hissing at you, and it was not professional." Lexia considered JoNs for a moment, crossing her arms and stepping back to the small table near the replicator. "Let me get this strait. You came all the way down here, interrupted my dinner, and asked to come inside my quarters....to apologize?" Lexia laid one hand on the table and fixed her eyes on the fluffy officer standing in the middle of her quarters. "Would you have preferred a memo Doctor?" One ear quirked back in curiosity. Lexia rolled her eyes. "I will never understand this insatiable need that beings have to apologize." She walked around the table and over to the door. "If there was nothing else, Commander?" the accent on the last word heavy. Kansas didn't budge. "Was that a yes, a no, or a maybe regarding my apology?" Lexia walked out into the middle of the small room looking strait at JoNs. "That was an 'I do not care'. What happened is not going to be reversed by my acceptance or made any worse by my lack of acceptance. Therefore, I really see no need to entertain this discourse simply to make you feel better about your own actions." "I'm sorry Doctor....you're misunderstanding me. Yes, I am apologizing regarding my actions toward you, but I feel no regret; you deserved that hiss. Matter of fact, if we weren’t professionals and women I probably would have up and knocked you on your butt. I just wanted to let you know the hiss wasn't the proper thing to do, and a meeting wasn't the place to do so." Lexia smirked, and then shrugged as she walked back to her dinner. "Then feel no need. For I already knew your actions were unprofessional." She sat back down. "Anything else, ma'am?" JoNs contemplated for a few quick seconds, before moving toward the table where Lexia sat. This little square off would not happen again, oh no no. She gracefully planted both paws on the surface, and faced the medical doctor. "No that is all, regarding the apology. However - if you ever take me on in this manner in public, I will write you up, Lieutenant. Your manners leave much to be desired." Lexia contemplated a few remarks she could make about manners and hissing during a senior staff meeting. In the end, however, she chose against them, feeling she would never get the furball to leave if she started that argument. "Rest assured, Commander," this time she worked very hard and spoke the rank with no accent, "I," -not quite so lucky keeping the accent off that word-"can keep my actions in check in public." Green eyes narrowed as JoNs caught the emphasis on the "I". Oh, this woman was a walking ulcer waiting to happen. With predatory movements, Kansas stepped back from the table. "Excuse me Doctor; have a good evening." She turned, tail swishing, and started for the doorway. "I can let myself out, thank you..." “Good evening, Commander." Lexia watched the kitty leave then turned back to her food. She moved a few noodles with the fork, and took a couple of small bites. She soon found, however, that her appetite had left her. She stood and slid the plate into the replicator. She grabbed the half empty glass of amber liquid and began to move towards the small couch in her quarters. "Computer, recycle."

Aidan looked at the Chief Medical Officer, she seemed nice enough and she had to be brought up to date. He'd need her permission to go get more samples so he'd better be nice. "Well, the virus... it carries start and stop sequences plus some restriction enzymes, so it basically switches genes on and off. Re-sequencing seems to be a way to treat it but the problem is that it doesn't get the virus out of the system. I think that's where we have to start." Mona nodded. "Sounds like you all have been very busy while I was out. So have we looked at any way of completely getting it out of the system?" The doors to main sickbay swished open and Lexia rolled in like a storm. She hurled the Padd in her hand across the room and it smashed against a wall. Mona looked up from the console "Excuse me Ms. Tordai is something wrong? Or are you just happy to see me?" Aidan looked up and smiled. "Ah hello Doc, just the person I was longing to see, tea's on the desk over there." He pointed at the desk and the probably cold tea. "I take it the meeting wasn't to your satisfaction." Lexia looked over startled. "Dr. Levy....Your well." She glanced at Driscol then back to Desdemona, "it is good to see you back on your feet." A small smile crept over Mona's face. "Don't lie, you like being in charge. But that is not the issue right now. Driscol was just filling me in on this virus. I understand you were at a meeting?" "If you can call it a meeting," she walked over. Aidan tried not to grin. "Why are you always ignoring me, Doc? After all we have a date right about now if I remember correctly." "A meeting Ensign, a meeting; this is not a date." "Suit yourself." Aidan knew he was going too far but he just couldn't help it. He turned to Levy, "No we haven't found a way to fight the virus, yet, to answer your question." Mona only slightly raised an eyebrow and stared at Driscol and Lexia. "Driscol just asked if I could allow shadow to examine the Soltans. I wanted you take on it Lexia." Lexia picked up the mug and sniffed the still warm beverage inside. "Lady Grey." She sipped the tea. "Can Shadow be affected anyway by the virus?" "As ordered, Doc. And yes, the virus is no danger to Shadow, and he's been training to distinguish different types of tissues. We'll need more samples either way. I'd like to do that myself if I may." He hoped he would be allowed to do so. And he was surprised Dr. Levy hadn't commented on the way Aidan and Tordai interacted. Aidan shook his head and continued, "No, the virus goes for the DNA, Shadow is pure energy, he has no DNA. He agrees with me on that." Lexia looked up at Levy. "I'm not sure...there are variables." She continued to sip the warm tea. Aidan rolled his eyes hoping nobody would catch it. Mona nodded. "Well there are variables with everything. I think it might be wise of us to take another look at the Soltans and take some samples as you say Driscol." Lexia leaned back against the console top. "Oh...and Dr. Levy...." she started. "I don't believe there would be anything wrong with that." Mona looked at Aidan for a moment from the corner of her eye and then back at Lexia. "Thank you, ma'am." Aidan was glad he'd be able to get the samples. Lexia glanced at Driscol then turned her attention back to the Chief. "I just thought you would like to know that a couple of the seniors staffers and I were....well the kitty hissed at me and the Vulcan left the meeting....." She paused, a flame flickering in her mind’s eye about the next bit of news. "We are also now the 'bleeding heart' medical department..." she said sipping her tea. Aidan quickly got very busy with work and retreated to another console feeling that this was none of his business. Mona smiled slightly. "So you are the reason why Day was so upset. Well it wouldn't be the first time I was called a bleeding heart." "They wanted to put the remaining Soltans onboard onto a life pod and shoot them towards the nearest Soltan colony. Well, that or execute them." "And you wanted to keep them for study." Mona replied. At this Aidan perked up. "We'd lose every chance to get more samples and to study them further. I mean, who's to say none of the crew got infected. We know nothing about this virus, not even its incubation time." Lexia flicked her eyes to the scientist, then back to Levy. "Yes, ma'am." Mona nodded. "I agree with you Lexia we need to take a closer look at them. You and Driscol get as many samples as you can. Get Shadow on it as well. I want as much information on them as we can get before I might be forced to send them off the ship." "Aye, ma'am," Lexia sat the tea cup down beside Driscol’s mug. "The idea of setting up a shuttle as a temporary medical bay was discussed." Mona rubbed her forehead. "Fine, but as of right now we need information. Get what you can, but keep quiet about it." Lexia nodded, "Aye." Aidan went back to the two women clearly angry about the decisions made during that meeting. "Aye ma'am." He turned towards Tordai and absent mindedly reached for his mug but grabbed hers. Mona looked at Driscol and Lexia "I am not saying we are going against command. We need information and I don't want the entire ship getting in our way." "Now that would work. I would like to get on the shuttle as well, we both know you think I'm sexy in those biosuits." Aidan said. Lexia nodded at Levy, and then turned to Driscol. "I assure you, ensign, you look no more attractive to me in a biosuit then in your uniform," she said deadpan, rolling her eyes. Aidan shrugged. "If there's no command we can't go against it, can we?" He took a sip of the tea and frowned. "How do you drink that stuff, Doc?" Lexia took the mug from him, whipped the rim with her sleeve and then took a sip. "Like that." Mona began to shuffle through padds. "I am sure Lexia would love to stare at you in a biosuit. But let’s get back to the matter at hand." "I beg to differ, Dr. Levy." Lexia chimed in about the former comment. Chuckling Aidan leaned forward and said with his head close to her ear. "You know you have a thing for me, and you're just upset about it because you are mad at yourself for it.” Then, a bit louder to both women, “Now if you'll excuse me Doctors, I'll go and get these samples." "Why don't you do that, Driscol," Lexia used every bit of self control not to throw the tea in the child's face. Continuing to sort through information Mona briefly looked at the two officers then with a chuckle turned back to her work. Aidan finished his coffee and made to leave sickbay. I'll let you know how things went once I get the samples, we should store them here; I don't even want to think about what will happen if Chief Condacin catches me. "If she has an issue with it she can come to me. And please tell her that Driscol." Mona replied. "Aye ma'am. With that he left. Aidan laughed when he heard the SB doors swoosh close behind him. Then he made his way to the brig. Lexia watched Driscol leave, and then turned to Levy. "What are you chuckling at?” Mona leaned against the nearby console. "The two of you have an interesting relationship to say the least." "There is no relationship there, Doctor." Lexia sat the mug down and turned towards the console, logging in and starting work.

Her heels clicked on the cool metal as she stepped from the turbolift. It had been some time since she had been on the bridge and she paused to look around a moment. Yawning lightly, far too lightly for anyone to notice, she turned towards the ready room. Her body was still getting used to a normal sleep routine. As she approached, she chimed the door. Harper was going through the supply reports and the first draft of the report from science (interesting reading, if you wanted a lesson in how many ways it was possible to say "we have no idea"), and the door chime was a welcome relief. "Come!" she called, laying aside the padds. The door slide aside with the usual whoosh and she strode into the office. It had been some time since the Trill had laid eyes upon the Colonel. "Ma'am," she said, folding her hands in front of her, "you wanted to see me?" Harper smiled at the doctor. "Welcome back to dayside," she said. "And I mean that in the long-term sense... I'd like to move you back to Alpha shift." Lexia's lips curved into a smile. "Thank you ma'am, it shall be good to be among the living again." Although she would never admit it to a living soul, the night shift had begun to wear on Lexia's nerves. She never really had a taste for people, but the near isolation of night shift had been getting to her. "Not enough action among the vampire crowd?" Harper teased gently. She pulled her share of night shift bridge duties; the quiet was nice for a change, but in the long term... Well, it was probably a good thing the galaxy didn't all run on the same clock. "It is of no concern ma'am," Lexia shrugged it off. "Interaction with other beings is not a needed part of my job." Harper laughed. "I must have the wrong idea entirely about medicine, then." Lexia blushed, not something easily done to the woman. "What I meant was..." She paused, annoyed at herself for the slip. "Is there anything else Colonel?” Still chuckling slightly, Harper shook her head. "That's all, Ensign. Go get yourself some very strong coffee." Nodding, Lexia strode out of the room. Great Lex...two minutes back on the day shift and you have already made an ass of yourself. The door swooshed shut behind her.

Colonel Harper and Dr. Tordai The turbolift came to a halt as it reached the bridge. As the door swished open she strode out and across the command center of the ship, her eyes falling to various members of the still unfamiliar crew as she walked towards the ready room. As she stood outside, she chimed the door. "Come," said Harper, swiveling away from the viewport where the docked Beta and Gamma sections loomed ever-closer. She entered and stepped up to the desk. "Colonel Harper?" Her tone was formal, but not harsh. Harper straightened a bit. "Ah, Dr. Tordai?" It was only half a question; they had not met since the Gideon's demise, but Harper had been working to learn the names and faces of their adopted crew. "I'm glad you came; I've been meaning to talk to you. Please, have a seat." Lexia glanced to the seat almost voicing that she preferred to stand, but thought better and simply took the seat. She knew that the Colonel was not a woman to question. "It has been some time." A small, puzzled frown crossed the colonel's face. "I'm sorry, have we met?" "Yes, a while back. I believe you were still a Lieutenant," Lexia looked backed to Harper from the viewport to her left. "I would not expect you to remember, I bore a quite different appearance then." "Wait..." Harper said, blinking. "Your last host...?" Lexia nodded. "We were on leave at the same time, Starbase 23 if I recall." She shifted in the seat slightly, "But that is not why I came Ch-" a slight smirk. "Colonel." "I should hope not," she said wryly. "Is this about Kroells?" "Yes, he wishes to go back on duty," she reached over the deck and handed Harper a PADD. "He claims that you gave clearance for that, but I have received no such clearance." She paused for a moment, moving a piece of hair behind her right ear. "Frankly I do not like the idea." Harper glanced down at the PADD. "I told him I would speak to you about it. He has not previously taken well to enforced inactivity; I thought some light duties - emphasis on 'light' - might help him." Lexia coughed ever so slightly, "I am not entirely sure that Lieutenant Kroells knows the meaning of 'light'." "I doubt he does," she said dryly. "But that's where you come in." A slight arch in her left eye brow, her hand moving to face with her chin resting on it. "I am to ensure he learns the meaning?" "You can define the term." "So I am to release him back to light duty then?" Harper set the PADD down and steepled her fingers before her. "Do you feel it's medically inadvisable for reasons other than his inability to practice restraint?" "Honestly Colonel, we do not even fully understand what has happened to Mr. Kroells. I simply feel it a risk to allow him to return to duty. I cannot predict the results," Lexia crossed her legs, placing her left arm across her lap, her chin still resting in her right. "It was my understanding he retained his professional memories and skills." Lexia closed her eyes and then reopened them. "Yes that is true, but for all I know Mr. Kroells could lose that and his sanity at any moment. And that is one of the nicer scenarios; he could possibly have an aneurysm or any other number of complications. The human brain is still a profound medical mystery; I cannot make any guarantees." "Is there a compromise we might consider?" Harper asked. "Frankly, doctor, I'm concerned for your sanity as well; I've had occasion to witness the lieutenant in some of his stir-crazy moments. You don't want him in your sickbay like that, trust me." Lexia allowed a slight smile to cross her light red lips. "Very well, a compromise.” She considered for a moment, her eyes staring unfocusedly at Harper's desk. She sighed, "Mr. Kroells may return to duty, given that it remains a light load. I reserve the right to pull him back into sickbay at any time; and my objections are noted on the record." "Done and done," the colonel replied, smiling. "Shall you tell him or shall I?" Lexia stood, "I will do the honors. I am sure he will be quite pleased." She clasped her hands behind her back. "If that is all?” "Indeed, Doctor." Harper stood as well, extending her hand across the desk. "And though I wish the circumstances could have been better, welcome aboard." Lexia returned the gesture. "Thank you ma'am." Drawing back, Harper nodded a dismissal and began to sit, but was arrested mid-motion by the abrupt dimming of the lights. Yellow strobes lit up around the ceiling of the room. "Colonel to the bridge," a voice crackled over the comm. "Subspace distortion on sensors..." "It would appear duty calls," Lexia said, turning as Harper started towards the bridge. "Oh, and Colonel.” Pausing in the doorway, Harper looked a question at Tordai. Another slight smile crossed the Trill's lips, but only for a fleeting moment "It really was good to see you again, Charlotte." Harper flashed a quick grin at the doctor, followed it with a wink, and hurried out onto the bridge.