After the Mission Briefing

[Cmdr Ridire 0]

After the meeting Aidan spends a few minutes trying to figure out how to work through what he’s just learned. He had spent the last ten years trying to put this darkness behind him and had spent the last seven years increasingly clinging to the light that Deb that had brought into his life. And now...he glances at Deb, noting the fear and horror in her eyes. He only hopes the darkness doesn't snuff out the light.

He stands and pulls gently on her arm. "Let’s get out of here and get back to our quarters. I can't stomach the idea of being on the bridge right now or being around anyone else but I don't want to be alone right now. I've come too far to stomach being alone in this. And I don't want you to be alone right now either."

Deb stared blankly at the man sitting to her right....the same man whose hand she held in a death grip. In that moment, she found herself wondering how a day that started out so wonderfully could have taken such an awful turn.

She'd found their destination curious. The only thing Risa was really good for was shore leave. They'd just had shore leave so why would they be traveling to Risa. The possibilities were endless. But never in a zillion years has she expected their current mission to involve the USS Cairo. Cairo....one of the worst disasters she'd ever been involved with. And it hadn't ended with the ship's destruction. There were still so many unanswered questions....questions a privileged few had insured would never be answered.

Deb forced her thoughts back to the present and the man hovering above her, his expression a mixture of rage and grief. They were the only two left in the room. She slowly rose to her feet and stepped away from the highly polished conference table. Cairo effected Aidan more than anyone else on the ship. Fiona lost her life on Cairo. He'd had strong feelings for Fiona and after that fact had been learned, Deb had gone out of her way to insure his deceased "friend" had been cleaned up and looked beautiful for her final viewing.

But there was something else about the Cairo incident....something Deb had always found painfully ironic. It was during the managing of that disaster and the subsequent investigation that she had gotten to know the Reaent's XO. Without Cairo, she wasn't sure if she and Aidan would have a relationship, much less a marriage.

She turned toward him, finally releasing him. Framing his face with both of her hands, she kissed him lightly on the cheek. "It may be easier this time," she whispered. "We have each other to lean on."

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight against him. He tucks his head against her neck and tries to keep a check on his runaway emotions. Her scent causes his mind to flash through the memories from earlier today. The day had been so perfect earlier and for the love of God he wishes he could go back to this morning and stay there.

But what had been the start of a blissful day has been warped into a waking nightmare. He murmurs "Having you here will make it easier, yes. But right now..I'd give anything if I could go back in time to a short while ago and remain in our quarters, alone with you. He brings his head back and sighs quietly as he brushes a hand against her cheek. "So want this particular piece of my past buried for good."

They may have been in the conference room just steps away from the ship's bustling bridge. They may have been on duty and in uniform but at that moment in time, they were simply a man and a woman....a husband and a wife....desperate to comfort each other as they again prepared to face yet another mission. This one might not be classified as outrageously dangerous. What could be so dangerous on Risa? But this one was definitely more gut wrenching and decidedly painful. This one was a return to the worst catastrophe either of them had ever dealt with and it hurt. After all these years, it still hurt terribly.

"Let's get out of here." Deb's voice was muffled against Aidan's chest. "Nobody will miss us if we hide out in our quarters for a short time. We're still a long way from Risa."

He nods and steps a half step away from her. Slipping his arm around her waist he guides her out of the conference room and to the aft turbolift on the bridge. He orders the lift to their quarters and after a minute the turbolift deposits them near their door. As they near the door he murmurs "All I want to do right now is hold my wife for as long as she'll let me." They step through the door and he walks over to the couch. Sitting down he holds his arms open to her. He adds "You're all I need to.."

Neither of them spoke during the brief trip from the bridge to deck four. They'd stood quietly in the lift, holding hands as though one or both of them would collapse if they dared let go. Now, safely inside their quarters, they were finally allowed to freely express what was in their hearts and minds....the memories and deep seated grief that had been carefully tucked away for nearly a decade.

Deb didn't hesitate a moment once Aidan was seated on the couch. She went to him immediately knowing full well this mission affected him more personally than anyone else aboard. And that was what distressed her the most. There was nothing she could do to protect him from what was to come. All she could offer was her unrelenting support. Her greatest fear was failing him in that.

She leaned against his strong body and felt his arms wrap snuggly around her. He always made her feel safe. Even while in the midst of dangerous missions, she knew safety could always be found in his arms. They would get through this as they had on innumerable other occasions. But this mission would be far more difficult on so many different levels.

"I disagree with Jon," she said softly. "We shouldn't be involved in this mission. They should have chosen another ship....another crew." Deb shook her head only once. "They shouldn't have done this to us....not again."

He shifts position to stretch the length of the couch while cradling her tightly against him. He sighs quietly and replies "A very large portion of me agrees with you...but the rest agrees with Jon. This should be done by us..we owe them that." He closes his eyes briefly. "Still..I'm scared to death of what might happen..and even more scared that this..darkness may cause harm between us." He kisses her forehead. "I'm hoping though that we'll resolve this once and for all and any..shadow in my soul will be banished afterwards once and for all. Would far prefer to let my wife’s light have complete ownership of my soul."

 

Deb remained quiet for several minutes contemplating Aidan's remark. She didn't really believe "they" owed the Cairo's dead anything more. God knew, they had done their best for those unfortunate souls. But Starfleet....now that was another matter. Starfleet owed the Cairo more than they could ever repay. For years, it seemed the powers that be in Starfleet were determined to ignore the calamity that was Cairo rather than diligently search for the perpetrators.

 

Then a thought suddenly occurred to her. Maybe something had changed. There were new folks in charge now. Perhaps they were willing to take a second look at what happened to Cairo. And maybe....just maybe they chose Reaent to do the looking because they knew Reaent and her crew were joined at the hip with the Cairo. They knew this was the only ship....the only crew...that had the passion and drive to do whatever it took to find those responsible for wantonly killing an entire ship and her crew.

 

If that was the case, Starfleet had chosen the right ship for the mission. But that didn't mean Deb had to like it. Revisiting Cairo was like pulling on filthy, stinking clothes and eating rotten food. It smelled bad....it tasted bad....and it made it her sick.

 

"Maybe you're right," she whispered to her husband. "If they're intent on solving the mystery, they couldn't have chosen a better crew for the job." She shifted a bit so she could look into his eyes. "They'd better be looking to resolve this once and for all," she continued, her voice low and tinged with anger. "Because if they don't let us see this through....if they stop us like they did before....." Her voice faltered as she shook her head. She didn't bother finishing the sentence. Aidan knew exactly what she meant.

 

 

He holds her just a bit tighter as he murmurs, "If they do such a thing then as far as I’m concerned my time in Starfleet will be over with." He brings a hand up to caress the side of her face. "I want to spend my time focusing completely on what and who is most important to me. Spending the rest of my life with my wife in our home in Hawaii, doing such relatively mundane things as swimming, sailing and scuba diving and perhaps some fishing." He smiles faintly and adds, "And seeing to far more interesting things as taking my wife dancing, buying her dresses, appreciating how she looks in those dresses or her swimsuits or..other things of that nature. And seeing to our family..the ones we already have and well...hopefully future additions. But most important to that all is you, protecting you and making you happy." As he says the last he kisses her gently.

 

As the kiss lingers for a few seconds a few tears roll fall from his eyes.

 

She lifted her hand and softly placed it against his warm cheek, surprised by the moisture she found there. Deb knew what it was and why he shed tears. And the thought filled her with both anger and deep compassion. Of all of them, this would be most difficult for Aidan. For him, there was very personal element to the Cairo tragedy.

 

She slid her other arm around his neck and held him close, pulling away from him just far enough to whisper. "We'll figure it out this time. I know we will."

 

He nods slightly and murmurs, "I hope so. I very much want to leave that past buried. And your presence is my best blessing." He trails a hand down her back before tightening his arms around her. "Most of all, your ability to me away from everything surrounding us."

 

He frowns slightly and murmurs, "What terrifies me is that the beginning of this took a close friend away from me, someone I cared for a great deal. It would destroy me if something happened to you."

"I can relate to that,' whispered Deb, cuddling even closer to Aidan. "Although I'm not the one who's usually at risk." She couldn't help sighing. "You're the XO. You're the one who's always in danger. I would like to think that won't be the case in our current situation but I deep down, I know that isn't true."

 

 

He brushes a hand through her hair before replying, "Well one thing both the intervening years and my wife have given me is enough peace and perspective to know that the mission is better served if I let Shamor take the lead. My...darker emotions have a little too much sway on this for me to trust that I wouldn't do something to endanger the mission. So unless circumstances absolutely dictate it, I will be remaining on the ship. Shamor and the others can handle any direct involvement. Besides, I don't want you worrying about me, you might get annoyed and then I'd have to make it up to you." He smiles faintly, "And I'd just as soon sleep in my bed rather than be banished to the couch. The bed is much more....comfortable."

It took no effort for Deb to remain quiet. She was too astounded by her own thoughts to speak, much less offer a quick witted response to Aidan's alleged wariness about his possible banishment to the couch. She couldn't recall such a thing happening in the past. Then again, she wasn't quite thinking straight at the moment.

As her husband spoke, the niggling feeling she'd so long repressed suddenly surged forward with such force it nearly took her breath away. Could it be? Was it possible she'd finally reached the breaking point? How many times in the past had Aidan spoken of his willingness to leave this all behind? So many she'd long since lost count.

Now she was overwhelmed by the certainty of her feelings. She was tired of it all....tired of the insecurity of life on a starship....tired of the incalculable risks and the precarious future. Was it possible she was finally tired of Starfleet....tired enough to walk away from it?

Deb forced herself to remain calm. This probably wasn't the time to make a life changing decision. But somehow, she couldn't escape the feeling she'd just made up her mind. One thing was certain. This definitely wasn't the time to discuss such a thing with Aidan. She snuggled closer to him, holding him just a bit tighter. "I'm glad to hear you're staying aboard, " she murmured. "So am I."

 

He smiles and murmurs "Good. Though forgive me but I really wish we hadn't gotten out of bed earlier. For various reasons."

Deb responded with a quiet chuckle. She lifted her head just enough to kiss the tip of his chin. "Typical male," she softly replied. "I'm only sorry we don't have time right now to do more than this. I really need to get back." But instead of forcing herself to stand, she dropped her head onto Aidan's chest. She could hear his heart beating, loud and strong. Later, she decided, after this mission, she would tell him how she felt about their jobs. No matter how this assignment turned out, deep down, Deb knew it was time for a change.